Good summary of Christianity

[Kevin]

I find this pretty good, actually.

The Plan of Salvation

    (as written by Mageth on Infidels)

    God himself created man and woman and placed them in a garden, in “his own image”, but got righteously angry at them when they ate, against his wish, and after being tempted by a talking serpent that god himself had somehow allowed to slither about in the garden, a tasty, beautiful fruit, though he himself had placed it there but neglected to instill in his creations the knowledge of good and evil so that they would know it was wrong to eat it. Being omniscient, of course, he knew all this before he started, but was apparently unable to do anything about it because he had planned it this way from the beginning, and apparently god cannot change anything he already knows, in spite of the fact that he’s omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent.

    Later, God himself impregnated a virgin so that he himself could be born a human, a ManGod. This was necessary, apparently, because only his own ManGod blood could appease himself and deliver humans, who he created, and who he knew would muck things up by eating the fruit, from his own righteous anger.

    Of course, he waited several thousand years to implement this divine plan, in the meantime taking the righteous action of drowning every creature on the planet except a few he could stuff on a boat. Not to mention handing down a Law that served to further condemn every one of us, and in which Law he himself had them frequently sacrifice animals to appease himself, though he knew the blood of animals didn’t really appease himself.

    Much later, god, in a garden, prayed to himself to “take this cup” away from himself, though he himself knew that he himself had planned the coming events from the beginning and knew that not even he himself could save himself, even though he was god and omnipotent, omniscient, etc. Accepting this, he said, in effect, “Not my will, but my will.”

    God then sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself. (or had himself sacrificed; not much of a distinction between the two, really) Before dying, he himself asked he himself why he had forsaken himself.

    He himself, being dead, then raised himself from the dead less than 40 hours later, though he himself had said he’d be dead for three days and three nights, which he could do because he was still alive, and later he himself pulled himself up into heaven where he himself apparently already was, and where he himself is described as now sitting at the right hand of himself.

    He himself then sent himself (or a ghost of himself, if you please) back to earth to be a comfort to us, though he himself is still sitting at the right hand of himself.

    And, glory hallelujah, he himself promised that he himself will return someday, though he himself is already here, and will still be there, to snatch up those who believe the god blood sacrifice story he himself told us, and kill the rest of us who don’t believe the god blood sacrifice story, no matter how nice we were otherwise. But, since killing us isn’t enough to appease his righteousness, he himself will then judge us, though according to ManGod he himself will also not judge us, and being a god of love will cast most of us into hell for an eternity of suffering. He has to, of course, because he is a righteous, just god, and can’t figure out a way to save anyone who hasn’t been redeemed by god-blood, even though he is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent, and loves us all.

I like it
I find it pretty true, as well. When you start looking at it that way, a pretty much summarized way, not a 1000+ page book, it really does look dumb.
http://scaryreasoner.wordpress.com/2007 ... nity-ever/

[nikkixsugar]

I find this pretty good, actually.

The Plan of Salvation

    (as written by Mageth on Infidels)

    God himself created man and woman and placed them in a garden, in “his own image”, but got righteously angry at them when they ate, against his wish, and after being tempted by a talking serpent that god himself had somehow allowed to slither about in the garden, a tasty, beautiful fruit, though he himself had placed it there but neglected to instill in his creations the knowledge of good and evil so that they would know it was wrong to eat it. Being omniscient, of course, he knew all this before he started, but was apparently unable to do anything about it because he had planned it this way from the beginning, and apparently god cannot change anything he already knows, in spite of the fact that he’s omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent.

    Later, God himself impregnated a virgin so that he himself could be born a human, a ManGod. This was necessary, apparently, because only his own ManGod blood could appease himself and deliver humans, who he created, and who he knew would muck things up by eating the fruit, from his own righteous anger.

    Of course, he waited several thousand years to implement this divine plan, in the meantime taking the righteous action of drowning every creature on the planet except a few he could stuff on a boat. Not to mention handing down a Law that served to further condemn every one of us, and in which Law he himself had them frequently sacrifice animals to appease himself, though he knew the blood of animals didn’t really appease himself.

    Much later, god, in a garden, prayed to himself to “take this cup” away from himself, though he himself knew that he himself had planned the coming events from the beginning and knew that not even he himself could save himself, even though he was god and omnipotent, omniscient, etc. Accepting this, he said, in effect, “Not my will, but my will.”

    God then sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself. (or had himself sacrificed; not much of a distinction between the two, really) Before dying, he himself asked he himself why he had forsaken himself.

    He himself, being dead, then raised himself from the dead less than 40 hours later, though he himself had said he’d be dead for three days and three nights, which he could do because he was still alive, and later he himself pulled himself up into heaven where he himself apparently already was, and where he himself is described as now sitting at the right hand of himself.

    He himself then sent himself (or a ghost of himself, if you please) back to earth to be a comfort to us, though he himself is still sitting at the right hand of himself.

    And, glory hallelujah, he himself promised that he himself will return someday, though he himself is already here, and will still be there, to snatch up those who believe the god blood sacrifice story he himself told us, and kill the rest of us who don’t believe the god blood sacrifice story, no matter how nice we were otherwise. But, since killing us isn’t enough to appease his righteousness, he himself will then judge us, though according to ManGod he himself will also not judge us, and being a god of love will cast most of us into hell for an eternity of suffering. He has to, of course, because he is a righteous, just god, and can’t figure out a way to save anyone who hasn’t been redeemed by god-blood, even though he is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent, and loves us all.

I like it
I find it pretty true, as well. When you start looking at it that way, a pretty much summarized way, not a 1000+ page book, it really does look dumb.
http://scaryreasoner.wordpress.com/2007 ... nity-ever/

I love it! The last part reminds me of a popular George Carlin bit....

[Wechtlein Uns]

one time, I pretended to be a retarded man who had been saved by god(clinically retarded, not... y'know). But I got banned for proslytizing.

Had some pretty good laughs though.

[BadPoison]

can’t figure out a way to save anyone who hasn’t been redeemed by god-blood, even though he is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent, and [he] loves us all.

Thats the best part!

[Kevin]

Yeah, it's pretty great.

So is this:

http://ronsworld.files.wordpress.com/20 ... -thumb.jpg

[BadPoison]

Ha! That's not offensive at all!  

[MariaEvri]

reading it all sounds so...
retarted for lack of a better word...
sorry for my swearing

[curiosityandthecat]

ManGod? Is that kind of like ManBearPig?

[dodgecity]

That was really funny.

God then sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself.

My favorite line. I am definitely going to use that. Thanks.

[VietnamVet-BRIGHT]

That was really funny.

God then sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself.

My favorite line. I am definitely going to use that. Thanks.

Agreed.

It's funny because this illogical nonsense has been, and continues to be, pounded into our consciousness.

.

[mDarkPoet]

Yup that pretty much sums it up right there  

[SSY]

Yeah, it's pretty great.

So is this:

http://ronsworld.files.wordpress.com/20 ... -thumb.jpg

As soon as i saw the thread title, I was itching to post that, thankyou good sir!

[Wraitchel]

I think most christians would be better able to point out the flaws in this grossly biased document, but even I can point out one big one:  Genesis says that god did warn Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge. It was pretty much the only rule they had. It is a beautiful bit of mythology, a god denying his curious creations the one thing they need in order to reach their potential, and ultimately become like him.

[BadPoison]

I think most christians would be better able to point out the flaws in this grossly biased document, but even I can point out one big one:  Genesis says that god did warn Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge. It was pretty much the only rule they had. It is a beautiful bit of mythology, a god denying his curious creations the one thing they need in order to reach their potential, and ultimately become like him.

Well the point is, God gave Adam and Eve a rule.
Adam and Eve, not knowing that it is "wrong" to dissobey God didn't obey.
They only learned that obeying God is the "right" thing to do until they ate of the tree of knowledge.

Or as the story goes...

[SSY]

I think most christians would be better able to point out the flaws in this grossly biased document, but even I can point out one big one:  Genesis says that god did warn Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge. It was pretty much the only rule they had. It is a beautiful bit of mythology, a god denying his curious creations the one thing they need in order to reach their potential, and ultimately become like him.

If god is all knowing, then surely he could predict they would eat the fruit anyway? Makes the whole exercise seem kind of pointless and convoluted to me.