NEED HELP!

[asark]

Hey everyone,

I have a question which I need some help with. I've been an atheist for a little over than a year now but I was raised as a christian; however, I think I was always an atheist deep down inside but it was only until last year when I began deeply thinking about this subject. I am a huge fan of Richard Dawkins and have watched all his videos. I also watch quite a bit of other videos on youtube that deal with Atheism.  I've never liked the church and always despised priests. The bad thing is that it seems I'm the only one that thinks this way in my family as well as my fiancee's family. Everyone else is pretty much EXTREMELY HARDCORE christian. I feel like the outcast in my circle..

Recently I've been talking to my fiancee about getting married and the topic of going to church/getting a priest has come up a few times. My fiancee is trying her best to support me and knows how I feel about the church and involving religion in my life so she is not really the issue. The issue is her parents and to a slight degree my parents. Her parents overheard me talk about religion and how I want nothing to do with it ESPECIALLY on the day of my wedding and they threw a big fit. They told me that it is really embarrassing for me to say something like that, a wedding is not a "proper" wedding unless there is a priest and you will put your whole family/friends to shame. They are forcing me and telling me how it will make your guests not want to attend your wedding because it is embarrassing. Of course me being extremely hard headed and not budging, I kind of argued with them and told them that THIS IS MY WEDDING and I can choose to do it however I like. The last thing I want people to do is tell me how my own wedding should be.

I hope I'm not sounding selfish and the whole point of this thread is to ask what you would do in my situation? Would you give in and just go with the flow and respect the family members or would you stick to your own beliefs and do the wedding the way you want. I feel I am being pressured by stone age beliefs and that if there is no priest then my wedding (based on her/my family) is voided and won't have meaning. I'm in a tough situation but at the same time I don't want to do anything that I will regret for the rest of my life.. I REALLY HATE THE CHURCH!

I actually tried to write this thread/question in the nicest possible way but right now I'm trying my best and refraining myself from exploding as I'm so angry at the way they think and what they think is best for me..

Anyways, any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly.

Regards,
-Asark

[Will]

Your wedding is not for your wife-to-be's parents, it's for you and your soon-to-be wife. You and your fiance should sit down and decide on something which both of you will love and remember for the rest of your lives. If your in-laws want to come, they're invited, but if they don't come, it's them putting their petty religious preferences over the happiness of their daughter.

Make no mistake, they're the bad-guys in this situation for being utterly inflexible about an event that's not even for them.

Edit: and congratulations on getting married. Best wishes.

[dogsmycopilot]

They are forcing me

No, they aren't. You can walk away from all of it at any time.
I'm not going to be much help here if you want to hear everything is all right. I've been married almost 15 years. It's good, but it would have been better if we had left family and legalese and weddings out of it. There is zero reason for permanently tying yourself to another person. There is zero reason to have your thoughts on the matter disrespected. And trust me if the girl is reluctant to stand up to her parents now, that will not change after the marriage. I have never given in. But that's a hard row to hoe. I say fight. Fight it until your last breath. Do not go gentle into that good night. This is your life not theirs. I got lucky and found a nice anti-theist guy after a hard relationship with a Catholic. But it is luck, happenstance. And even with that I still feel like an outsider in my world. We always were the outsiders. We may always be. Make it your own and grow from it.
Good luck and may the force be with you.

[pinkocommie]

It's YOUR wedding.  Do what you want.  If other people are upset by your choices, they don't have to come.  My fiance's parents are very religious and we know that they will probably have an issue with the fact that we are not going to get married in a church or be married by a religious figure, but they'll get over it.  If anyone in your family misses your wedding because of some preconceived opinion about how weddings "should be", they'll regret their decision in the future and you'll still have the memories of your wedding being exactly what you wanted.  So yeah, my advice is to make you and your fiance happy - it's your wedding after all.  And congratulations!  

[asark]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the help. I now know what to do

[Whitney]

We had our wedding in a garden with a minister but wrote out own vows.  We would have not had a minister but in Oklahoma that's about all you can find who can legally perform the ceremony...I should have gotten a pagan instead.

[dogsmycopilot]

I should have gotten a pagan instead.

Pagans are fun.