Hello - new and need advice about preaching parents!!

[rlrose328]

you put mustard on turkey! now that is just wrong.

I always put mayo and cranberry sauce on my turkey sandwiches.  Whole cranberry is da bestest!  

[pinkpanther]

Welcome to the forum. You've gotten some great answers already. I was also going to ask if your parents were now Seventh Day Adventists, for the same reason laetusatheos mentioned. Almost all the christian vegans I knew were part of that little [strike:2ant6uqs]cult[/strike:2ant6uqs], I mean, sect!  :crazy:

[Benoît Bôls]

you put mustard on turkey! now that is just wrong.

Same here... and if I don't have cranberry, it's just mayo.  Mustard IS just plain wrong!  

Yellow mustard on turkey is wrong. Brown mustard is more than acceptable.

[McQ]

Welcome to the forum. You've gotten some great answers already. I was also going to ask if your parents were now Seventh Day Adventists, for the same reason laetusatheos mentioned. Almost all the christian vegans I knew were part of that little [strike:1z5i96h1]cult[/strike:1z5i96h1], I mean, sect!  :crazy:

Aha! They are controllers! Most would say, "Control Freaks". That does make it tough, because long ago, you assumed the submissive position with them (most kids do with parents anyway...at least for a time). But it seems they don't want to lose their control of you and your life as well as other peoples' lives.

This is a tough situation. Assertiveness is difficult to do tactfully, especially with people who aren't used to getting push-back. Ever considered counseling? Just a thought, that a legit counselor might be able to help you find the right ways to communicate to your folks, or at least help you deal with them.

[pinkpanther]

Aha! They are controllers! Most would say, "Control Freaks". That does make it tough, because long ago, you assumed the submissive position with them (most kids do with parents anyway...at least for a time). But it seems they don't want to lose their control of you and your life as well as other peoples' lives.

That's interesting - I wonder if this is why I find it difficult, if not impossible, to ever make a decision! I have - and still do at times, suffer with pretty bad depression and anxiety.. I'm not totally blaming my parents for this of course, but I'm pretty sure they have a lot to do with it. Yes, you are right - being assertive is very difficult, usually by trying I end up arguing with them or becoming upset and down with myself.
I still haven't heard from them after sending them my email - kinda makes you think really that their religion/beliefs are more important than me and the kids!

[shadowdancer]

Welcome, pinkpanther. You've come to the right place.

I had a similar situation with my father years ago. I wasn't raised by my father, and did not, in fact, start to have a relationship with him until my late teens. Because of this (something for which I am eternally grateful to my mother) I was not exposed to his Southern Baptist and good old boy mentality until I was nearly an adult and had already formulated my own independent atheistic views on life. My introduction to the Bible Belt is a highly amusing story which I will relate at some other time.

When my son was about six or seven, my father came to visit with me for a few days. During that visit he was rather obnoxious, demanding to know why I hadn't taken my son to church and taught him the Bible. He also told my son he was going to teach him how to catch (I still cringe to this day remembering this scene) black people, but he used the N word. That was the final straw. My son's best friend was black and lived next door, I had several black friends, and I was absolutely horrified and furious at the use of that ugly word.

I took my father outside and told him in no uncertain terms that I had my own views of what was important in life, and that those were the views I intended to teach my son. He was not to preach, try to take my son to church, or otherwise impose his views on my family, and he was NEVER to use that word in my presence again. He tried to argue that I was forcing my son to grow up without God's guidance, to which I replied yes, I was, and frankly it was none of his business how I raised my son. At that point he said that he was my father and he knew what was best, and a large argument ensued. I told him to leave my home, and that he wasn't welcome there if he couldn't abide by my rules.

That permanently strained our relationship. And although I saw him often over the years until his death about six years ago, he never again came to visit me. He did feel free to preach at me in his home, and as much as I detested it, he had every right to do what he wanted in his home, just as I did in mine. I have never regretted laying down my rules, even though it made our relationship harder. I just viewed it as saving my son's mind from blindness and fear. My son, by the way, is a happy atheist in his own right.

I hope that helps you. Parents or not, they do not have a right to force their beliefs down your children's throats. Be strong and lay down the law!

This story by Faithless is just a wonderful one. But to make this story happens, I think we need a really educated persons with an open-mind, and respect to each other, also high respect to privacy.  I am not having that kind of problem, yet. But maybe someday.

The problem is, people here in Indonesia is related very closely each other. So, in Faithless's case, what would happened will be:
All the family members including uncle, cousins, grandfather/mother, everybody, will amazed on  why I became atheist, and they will keep dooming me with the threat of eternal hell.

Well, that sound pessimistic maybe, but I hope I have strength when the day come.