News:

Actually sport it is a narrative

Main Menu

Things You Would Change in Your Past

Started by Ecurb Noselrub, January 06, 2023, 08:53:37 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Ecurb Noselrub

On the TNP thread, I asked if TNP had a mental list of things he/she would change in his/her life if he/she could go back. I, for one, do. There are some evil deeds, stupid mistakes, humiliations, slights, insensitivities that I would like to blot out. Of course, as Asmo said, that would change the trajectory of my life, even if ever so slightly. But I think it be for the better. I have sort of a hierarchy of "I wish I had" and "I wish I hadn't" things. Maybe 20-25 or so.

I have noticed that I simply cannot forget these things. I have forgiven myself for them, but I cannot forget them. I don't think I am supposed to. They remind me to never do them again, or to avoid certain situations, or to be more wise in my decisions. So, Asmo has a point, even the ugly things can be positive. But a few of them torment me, and I would rather consign them to the bottom of the sea.

What is your experience along these lines?

Ecurb Noselrub

Continuing, there is one series of events in particular that happened probably 45 years ago that I regret to the core of my being. There is no practical opportunity to atone for it, and it comes up in my mind for review on a regular basis. I can't even understand how I did this thing. It is as though my brain had not developed/evolved enough at that point, or there was some defect that has since been corrected by the growth of neurons. I would never do this thing today. I don't think I am the same person now that I was then, in large part because of this event. So in that respect, it was good for my development, but it caused so much pain to another. I was cruel, perhaps psychopathic, at the time.

I have noticed in my life some tendencies toward psychopathy that, fortunately, did not develop. I have empathy and compassion now, but in those situations I did not. Like a particular Woody Allen movie I saw, maybe it was just which side of the fence the coin fell on that made the difference. It scares me to think of what I could have become.

Anyway, the statute of limitations has run on it, so I'm in the clear. Heh. But the ghost still haunts me.

Icarus

Ecurb I would truly like to meet at some quiet place....maybe with a few beers.... so to exchange recollections, and perhaps shame, for some of the dumb shit that I did in my youth. Some of it was dangerous and all of it stupid.

Sometimes I lie awake at night to recall some of the foolish decisions that I have made in the past. Some of those recollection could be shared. Others, best not. No I never did anything criminal. Morality breeches: big time on some occasions.

I try not to beat myself up for having committed transgressions in my youth but they are still there in my memory. I was simply not very well versed in the social graces and also I was a dumb kid. 



 

Dark Lightning

Eh, we all did stupid things when young. One of mine was driving across the Nevada desert at 140+ MPH, when the national speed limit was 55. I blew that car's engine up, fortunately. It had retread tires on the rear that had tubes in them, if you can believe that. If one of those had blown out, I'd've been smeared across the landscape. Spun four rod bearings due to over-revving it. I was passing cars like a big dog, and I'm sure someone used their CB to alert the Nevada HP, because they rolled up on me with a lot less cars having passed me, than I passed. The thing was heaving steam by then, and nobody would pick us up, after I had passed them all. :ROFL: Finally a guy in a truck stopped and gave us a ride into the next burg, which I think was Goldfield, Nevada.

Anne D.

Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on January 06, 2023, 08:53:37 PMOn the TNP thread, I asked if TNP had a mental list of things he/she would change in his/her life if he/she could go back. I, for one, do. There are some evil deeds, stupid mistakes, humiliations, slights, insensitivities that I would like to blot out. Of course, as Asmo said, that would change the trajectory of my life, even if ever so slightly. But I think it be for the better. I have sort of a hierarchy of "I wish I had" and "I wish I hadn't" things. Maybe 20-25 or so.

I have noticed that I simply cannot forget these things. I have forgiven myself for them, but I cannot forget them. I don't think I am supposed to. They remind me to never do them again, or to avoid certain situations, or to be more wise in my decisions. So, Asmo has a point, even the ugly things can be positive. But a few of them torment me, and I would rather consign them to the bottom of the sea.

What is your experience along these lines?

You have my sympathy. I have almost the exact same feelings. Except everything is of the "wish I hadn't" variety. I wish I hadn't said or done that stupid, insensitive thing, or in a few cases, that cruel thing. My past fuckups play like movies in my head pretty much on the regular. But the piece of advice that's helped me the most with that, which came, separately, from a quirky advice columnist and a younger co-worker was, basically, "Get over yourself and move on--your shame spiral helps no one. Be a better person going forward." When my movie starts up, which usually happens in the shower for some reason, I try to nip it in the bud by re-focusing on that advice.

billy rubin

the only things i regret were when i hurt people


Given that most people struggle with legible handwriting already, the added complexity of cursive is an unnecessary burden. It is more practical and efficient to stick to standard print writing.

Ecurb Noselrub

Anne, that's good advice, and I generally try to follow it. But sometimes I try to analyze why I did something, so I go deep in the cave and see what I can find, in hopes that I won't make the same mistake again. Sometimes I conclude that I simply had not evolved or developed enough at the time, whether morally, mentally, socially or whatever. What it tells me is that we can become different people over time. Wiser, I suppose.

Asmodean

I have this ability to... How shall I best explain it..? I analyse situations and categorise them into can-fix and can't-fix, and that which I can't fix, I find difficult to dwell on.

Thus, if I do something regrettable, I don't find myself wishing I could take it back or turn back time and make some changes to how the events unfolded - I either attempt to fix the arising problems, or I do not. What else is there?

I do possess a mental time machine, but mostly for idle day dreams and thought experiments. It usually only ever travels forward, but sometimes it can be fun to explore the many variables, the resolution of which has led from before to now. What could be the outcome today if I did not let that one relationship melt away? Where would I be if I realised that there opportunity twenty years ago? Such like. I don't wish for those things, but am at times capable of contemplating them.
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

No one

Birth. Life sucks, and is not worth the effort!

Tank

Quote from: No one on January 09, 2023, 08:53:43 AMBirth. Life sucks, and is not worth the effort!

I do love your upbeat take on life :)
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Asmodean

I understand not wanting to be alive at a given moment, but how does one conceptualise never having been born?
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

No one

Spend 0.03 seconds as me, and you will undoubtedly understand.

Asmodean

And yet, I highly doubt it. :D

Now that I have doubted the undoubtable, allow me a short trip beyond trying to conceptualise never having existed without any useful parameters to lean on;

Your birth is not something you can remedy. However, your continued existence is. If your continued existence pleases you more than the fact of your birth displeases you, it being a necessary step to getting where you are now, there is no problem. If it does not, then I contend that it is the continuation of your existence which is the problem you are looking to remedy - not the start of it.

It may be rather on the moot side, though I do think that having one's suicidal ducks in a proper row is a gain.

Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

No one

It's not about conceptualizing anything. It's about not wanting to be born in the first place. Something i wish never happened.

Ecurb Noselrub

Do you mean that you get no enjoyment out of life? There is no conceivable condition that you could obtain in this life that would bring enough joy to make life's struggles worthwhile?