There are actually people like me???

[crazygirlie76]

I have been an atheist as long as I can remember.  I remember being 6 or 7 years old and telling my step sister "what if there is no after-life and this is all you have, what if you die and that's it" and that thought always scared the shit out of me.  I remember telling one of my best friends that on her 16th birthday and scaring the crap out of her with that thought.  I've always thought the idea of "god" was stupid and when you die, you die and that's it.  My parents divorced when I was 3 and neither was overly religous.  I have gathered from my mother that she believes in god and a light at the end of the tunnel.  To make matters worse, I am married to a :::GASP:::: catholic, and all 3 of my kids were baptized (hey, what did I care, dump water on their head, do your little pretend voo-doo and make believe they will live on forever).   Honestly, I am hoping to find someone else who death scares the CRAP out of them.  I have had this fear since I was maybe 5 or 6.  It has kept me up at nights since then.  I don't believe in an afterlife (I keep this to myself in real life) and the thought of dying (even though it's inevitible) scares the SHIT out of me.  I am going to die and never think again, never feel again, never BE again.  That keeps me up at nights.  Most people believe there is some ghost in the after life and they will live on, that thought is laughable to me.  Am I a freak for totally being afraid of dying?  Please tell me I am not alone...

[joeactor]

Hi - nice to meet you.

Seems pretty normal to have a fear of death, even if you do believe in an afterlife...

I certainly wouldn't want to be around a bunch of folks who have no fear of death.  Not sure they'd be here very long anyway - I just don't want them taking me along for the ride!

It does become a problem if it is affecting your everyday life.  If it starts to overshadow the good things or become an obsession, it's best to seek some help.  Someone you can talk to and confide in.

Like your pastor...

(ok, that was just a joke)

It's good that you've recognized the fear and are speaking openly about it.
Can you confide in your spouse, relative or close friend?

I've recently considered going to a Unitarian church for the community it provides.

Just some thoughts - glad you found us,
JoeActor

[SteveS]

Fear of death could be one of the great religious motivators that exists.  I certainly don't find the thought very appealing (dying, that is).  I guess I've become cynical about it to do defend myself from fear.  If you consider it in a certain light, dying really won't bother you when you're dead.  I guess I let my selfishness kick in and think, "If I die, that's really everybody else's problem".

[rlrose328]

Hi, crazygirlie...

For me, death itself holds no fear... it's the manner of my death that frightens me somewhat.  I don't like pain.  To think that I might be in a car accident that will hurt like hell and I'll linger in pain for ages before I die... THAT scares me.  I want to go like my dad did... instant heart attack, gasp, gone.  Other than that, I have nothing to fear of the great unknown.  Why fear what I don't know?  If they're right and I will roast forever with the bad folk, at least I'll be in fun and interesting company.  If I'm right and there's nothing, why be afraid of nothing?

But I know that's just me.  :-)  Just try to not let it stop you from living.

[josh]

Death is just like it was before you were born.  Don't worry it is fine.  It is the after-life fiction story you should be afraid of.  Those people are nuts !!!

[McQ]

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing that introduction. As has been said, fear of death is not abnormal. Thankfully, we do fear it enough (most people) to keep from doing really stupid things that can kill us, on a daily basis.

But an irrational fear of death that keeps you up every night may be something you need to work on. You know it's inevitable, and it's just part of being a living organism, so instead of worrying about it each night, see if you can look at it as a motivation to make each day count for something. The nice thing about not being a believer in fantasyland spirits and gods is that you get to make the rules for what consists of a worthwhile and meaningful life. You! It's great! So make your rules for a meaningful life and go live life in the here and now.

[Whitney]

Welcome to the forum, crazygirlie76.

I use to get really scared when I thought about death.  It's not in any way abnormal to be afraid of death...almost everyone is.  I'm not sure if it would help you, but I got over the immediate fear through taking a philosophy class which was focuses on death and dying.  Not that I'm suggesting that you sign up for classes, but you might want to pick up a book on the history of how society has viewed death over the centuries.  I still don't like the idea of dying...but now view it as something which I can think about without the worry.  After all, there isn't much reason to worry about something which you cannot change...if you spend your whole life worrying about death, that would be something to be afraid of.

[susangail]

Welcome to forum!

As everyone has said, fearing death is normal. I'm so glad you haven't conformed to the belief in an afterlife because of this fear. The church feeds on that.

Yes, at first thought, the idea of the 'nothing' death brings would scare the shit out of anyone. But, as someone has mentioned, we were 'nothing' before we were born. We won't comprehend it when we are dead. We won't care. The nothingness scares us now because the idea of not existing is frightening. It's completely understandable, but don't let is consume you.

I fear that nothingness, but not as much as I fear my life ending before I can accomplish what I wish to. I want to live my life to the fullest and the idea of it not being as 'full' as I want scares me. But being frozen with fear and not doing anything scares me more. I'm still going to make my small dent in this world however little time I may have.

But all in all, you are most certainly not alone in your fear of death. Welcome again to the forum and happy posting!

[tacoma_kyle]

I havent (well too recently) had one of those random moments when I fret about dyin.

I did come to the conclusion that dyin right now for me would blow ass, and I am hoping I dont croak before I at least feel like I have 'lived.' I guess since I figured that out I havent been so...you know...

[thegodconclusion]

i'm new too (and am also excited to discover so many people in this forum).  i was about to post my own intro but saw this thread.  sorry to hear you're so negatively affected by the idea of death.  is the fear of death itself what keeps you up at night?  if so then, yes, you need to talk about this with someone.  if it's the knowledge that death is coming someday in the future, and you're not satisfied with how you're spending your life, well then that's totally healthy.  in fact, i think that's the greatest benefit of not being religious.  without a story telling us that life really doesn't end, non-religious people are forced to think about life and mortality.  i've made many changes in my life as a direct result of asking the question -- if it all ended tomorrow, would i be satisfied with how i spent my days?  the answer was no for a very long time and i was awake many nights too.  

rlrose328 mentioned the fear of pain, that's understandable too.  also, i have great fear about what i'll miss when i die, or dying too soon before i get to do all the things that i'd like to do.  but again these feelings help me to use my time as i really want to.  

here's an idea that might help you out, i first heard it in jonathan miller's ‘A Short History of Disbelief’ (you can find all 3 parts on veoh.com and possibly youtube).  Epicurus' take on death:

Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do?

hope this helps, hope you're sleeping better at night.  

(re: my signature below, was about to explain it in my intro)

[Kylyssa]

I used to be afraid of death but I realized I was actually afraid of the dark.  There's the thing though, death isn't unrelieved darkness - it's nothing.