What would you say?
"Well crap, looks like I'm out 20 bucks."
or maybe
"You could really use a new PR team."
(Obviously this is supposed to be a humorous thread.)
Quote from: Thunder Road on January 10, 2012, 06:15:34 AM
"You could really use a new PR team."
I've been saying that for years, so I might as well say it to the Big Guy himself.
What's for dinner?
Can you get pork and bacon here?
Who created you?
Why are you so obsessed with Tim Tebow and making sure that the Buffalo Bills never have a Super Bowl win?
Why you such a dick?
why do you let all of those stupid people worship that Jewish impostor Yahweh, claiming he's you? Or do you just find it all rather amusing...
You couldn't have at least gotten up off of your lazy butt and shown Earth that you were real?
" Get thee behind me "
And I could say it without smiling.
So why the hell didn't you put the periodic table in any of your holy books?
"Wow, you're real?!? Could have fooled me!" ;D
Quote from: Ali on January 10, 2012, 04:50:36 PM
"Wow, you're real?!? Could have fooled me!" ;D
I like this one.
"What could I have done better to bring a few HAF'ers happily along?"
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 10, 2012, 07:30:20 PM
"What could I have done better to bring a few HAF'ers happily along?"
That's a doosy, with all the heresy that goes on here I don't think sacrificing a son or daughter would even put a dent in repaying that dept.
Quote from: Crow on January 10, 2012, 10:48:14 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 10, 2012, 07:30:20 PM
"What could I have done better to bring a few HAF'ers happily along?"
That's a doosy, with all the heresy that goes on here I don't think sacrificing a son or daughter would even put a dent in repaying that dept.
In context of the piece of fiction...you'd be surprised.
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 10, 2012, 07:30:20 PM
"What could I have done better to bring a few HAF'ers happily along?"
XD LOL
That's a carpool I don't want to be a part of.
I would say "Thanks for nothing."
First I'd thank her/him for farts...they never will stop being funny.
Why are you so obsessed with Tim Tebow and why do you hate me enough to let the Broncos beat the Steelers so now I have nobody to root for?!?! And tell me the truth did Tebow sign a contract with your arch enemy to get the Broncos to finally win a few games?
Ohh...Scheisse...
No, you can't has my smokes. >:(
So what was that whole circumcision thing about? Bored?
Quote from: Asmodean on January 12, 2012, 09:12:39 AM
No, you can't has my smokes. >:(
You smoke, grumpy lumpy? :)
Quote from: Sweetdeath on January 12, 2012, 05:34:41 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on January 12, 2012, 04:56:34 PM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on January 12, 2012, 04:52:41 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on January 12, 2012, 09:12:39 AM
No, you can't has my smokes. >:(
You smoke, grumpy lumpy? :)
Like a steam locomotive.
Oooh, what brand? o_o!
Lucky Strike
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Futify.com%2FG%2FAsmoSacrifice.png&hash=04ea7c2f8746bc0e3a4718549738014fa1b21414)
Correct. Rød 3 for roll-it-yourself stuff :D
I usually bum a fag off my korean and japa/ese friends. Their brands are rather good, but I have only done this 5 times, and they are all back overseas now. ;; whaaa~,
Oh malboro black ice <3
Never smoked before. I've tried my brother's hookah once but that was it.
I've never found tobacco to be a viable proposition on a cost/benefit basis.
It makes you smelly, short of breath, poorer, a candidate for an early painful death.
I often resented smokers letting their smoke drift over me, and it always did.
I never experienced or heard a convincing account of any pleasure conveyed by smoking, just suffering if you didn't.
Quote from: Robert on January 12, 2012, 02:31:34 PM
So what was that whole circumcision thing about? Bored?
You beat me to it...
"Where the hell did you come from?"
"Do you like pina coladas? And getting caught in the rain?"
Quote from: Ali on January 13, 2012, 03:01:40 PM
"Do you like pina coladas? And getting caught in the rain?"
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg143.imageshack.us%2Fimg143%2F4363%2Fssoq9.gif&hash=c8ec41881f567ed1c6f813d019db13e650c0a5d3)
Quote from: Ali on January 13, 2012, 03:01:40 PM
"Do you like pina coladas? And getting caught in the rain?"
LOL :D
SONOFA.........!!! Did you catch the death-bed conversion? You may have missed it, 'cause it was at the last nano-second. Would I lie to you, Honey?
So really, how in the hell did you get two kangaroos and two panthers over to Africa and into the ark? Airmail? Did you teach the kangaroos how to swim?
What I find slightly surprising, is that people seem to indeed have something to say to the hypothetical god.
My reply is so far the only one prompted by a hypothetical action or question, no?
Quote from: RunFromMyLife on January 13, 2012, 11:50:51 PM
Who would want to be such a control freak?
(Inspired by Modest Mouse's song, Bukowski...the lyrics ask the same question regarding God.)
Oooh, I love Modest Mouse! My favorite song of theirs really sums it up as far as I'm concerned. (Ocean Breathes Salty)
Quote
Your body may be gone, I'm gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Don't think so.
Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.
The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope so.
Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. (You get away from me) You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. (I had to think awhile) I had to think awhile.
Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky. (You missed, you missed)
You missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye. (You missed)
When the earth folded in on itself. (You missed)
And said "Good luck, for your sake I hope heaven and hell (You missed, you missed)
are really there, but I wouldn't hold my breath." (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death? (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind.
Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind?
Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. (You get away from me) You get away from me.
Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky. (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?
I think I'll put that in my signature!
Quote from: Ali on January 14, 2012, 04:35:54 PM
I think I'll put that in my signature!
:o TRY and The Asmo will park Tank up your driveway! Any post with several omments from you would be a mile long with THAT sig.
:P No, not really, but let's not make signatures twice as long as most posts, shall we?
Quote from: Asmodean on January 14, 2012, 04:55:03 PM
Quote from: Ali on January 14, 2012, 04:35:54 PM
I think I'll put that in my signature!
:o TRY and The Asmo will park Tank up your driveway! Any post with several omments from you would be a mile long with THAT sig.
:P No, not really, but let's not make signatures twice as long as most posts, shall we?
LOL Asmo! Not the whole thing!!!!
Quote from: Ali on January 14, 2012, 05:03:04 PM
LOL Asmo! Not the whole thing!!!!
Ah..! Well, in that case, carry on. ;D
"Jesus Christ!!!"
I am surprised nobody has said "Holy Shit!" yet.
Okay let's put this to rest... who killed JFK, and did he/she act alone?
Quote from: fester30 on January 15, 2012, 12:09:32 AM
Okay let's put this to rest... who killed JFK, and did he/she act alone?
It wasn't me.
I was mostly acting alone when I didn't shoot JFK.
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 15, 2012, 02:15:21 AM
Quote from: fester30 on January 15, 2012, 12:09:32 AM
Okay let's put this to rest... who killed JFK, and did he/she act alone?
It wasn't me.
I was mostly acting alone when I didn't shoot JFK.
The Asmo, he was conspiring not to be born at the time, also alone.
Quote from: Robert on January 14, 2012, 04:28:42 PM
So really, how in the hell did you get two kangaroos and two panthers over to Africa and into the ark? Airmail? Did you teach the kangaroos how to swim?
Kangaroos can swim, they will go to water when chased by a dog and drown it.
Wouldn't it be lovely to have a Disney type movie with representatives of all the far flung animals getting the call from god and going on a long trip to board the ark.
Wombat: No leopard you can't eat me, I'm on a mission from god! Stop eating me, I'm on a mission from god...
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 15, 2012, 02:27:09 AM
Quote from: Robert on January 14, 2012, 04:28:42 PM
So really, how in the hell did you get two kangaroos and two panthers over to Africa and into the ark? Airmail? Did you teach the kangaroos how to swim?
Kangaroos can swim, they will go to water when chased by a dog and drown it.
Wouldn't it be lovely to have a Disney type movie with representatives of all the far flung animals getting the call from god and going on a long trip to board the ark.
Wombat: No leopard you can't eat me, I'm on a mission from god! Stop eating me, I'm on a mission from god...
It's a hundred six miles to Chicago, we got a full tank o' gas, a half o' pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ft0.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%3AANd9GcQ3mN2tZi3kbQfxyqLbWXDk0S5Qfnbd6UKF-awErdDCwcYRQ0IubqfQBSzxVg&hash=eb8599322ff9f62bed9356edc7138e63779371e2)
Platypus... Chicago Cubs' futility... Donald Trump... you're getting a kick out of all this, aren't you?
Quote from: fester30 on January 15, 2012, 03:42:44 AM
It's a hundred six miles to Chicago, we got a full tank o' gas, a half o' pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Love that movie!
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 15, 2012, 07:43:22 PM
Quote from: fester30 on January 15, 2012, 03:42:44 AM
It's a hundred six miles to Chicago, we got a full tank o' gas, a half o' pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Love that movie!
The first scene at the jail is shot at Joliette just outside Chicago. I went there and tried to get a photo of me standing outside the gate. The guards were not very nice :(
I don't know what movie that is.
To the old man upstairs:
Ta, mensch. Mah...Die plaese ender dein sieten...meit Ich tantaege sie? Ich eure dasfur dein leulehksteil...
Hey bud, how's about letting me sit on that throne of yours? I hear you like to go low...
Hmm... Perhaps something is lost in the translation...
I'd tell him about cars... The four horsemen of the apocalypse kind of loose their ability to intimidate when viewed through a rear view mirror.
Quote from: Genericguy on January 17, 2012, 01:20:04 AM
I'd tell him about cars... The four horsemen of the apocalypse kind of loose their ability to intimidate when viewed through a rear view mirror.
Ooh! The apocalyptic horse race! The Asmo would bet on that.
Well, I'm pretty sure that the four horsemen are giants. Hard to kill absractions, too. Do they use bows? Guns might be better.
Quote from: Wessik on January 17, 2012, 04:05:08 AM
Well, I'm pretty sure that the four horsemen are giants. Hard to kill absractions, too. Do they use bows? Guns might be better.
As I understand it, the supernatural militaries use very primitive weapons and tactics. In an open conflict, I'd bet on a column of tanks.
"What...What is you??" O__O
Quote from: fester30 on January 15, 2012, 03:42:44 AM
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 15, 2012, 02:27:09 AM
Quote from: Robert on January 14, 2012, 04:28:42 PM
So really, how in the hell did you get two kangaroos and two panthers over to Africa and into the ark? Airmail? Did you teach the kangaroos how to swim?
Kangaroos can swim, they will go to water when chased by a dog and drown it.
Wouldn't it be lovely to have a Disney type movie with representatives of all the far flung animals getting the call from god and going on a long trip to board the ark.
Wombat: No leopard you can't eat me, I'm on a mission from god! Stop eating me, I'm on a mission from god...
It's a hundred six miles to Chicago, we got a full tank o' gas, a half o' pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Joe Rogan said something similar to the wombat quote in his stand up comedy. What did the animals eat since animals eat other animals! There is a hole in this story!
I would not say anything.
Actually as I am dying I will probably meet all the gods having an orgy with my brethren, dead ancestor family to the erectus uncle and the secrets of the event horizon will be broadcast. Near death experience out-of-body space travel etc. and the rest.
You can experience this without actually dying, by the way.
but if I get your question, what do you say after you are dead, departed and then you meet god (?which one)
I would say nothing. If the "I" still existed then I would be God.
incidently, while you are living you are your god your body is your temple and a chemical switch prevents you from burning it down to the ground.
Pytheas, no need to be so serious, friend!
I would say, "You gotta fag? Or is all them in hell? I could use a fag about now, right quick sir."
Quote from: Wessik on January 18, 2012, 09:17:56 PM
I would say, "You gotta fag? Or is all them in hell? I could use a fag about now, right quick sir."
Quick question -- is this the god that's all-knowing, or the kind that has to be told the difference between a Brit slang fag and a Yankee slang fag?
Could be interesting if a brit went stateside and asked "You wanna smoke a fag?" ;)
Oh speaking of the difference between American and British slang - in American slang, "fanny" is a polite way of saying "bottom" or "behind". If, fo r some reason, I were to talk to my husband's 92 year old Grandma about my rear end, I might well call it a fanny. So anyway, I was once telling a Scottish friend of mine that I had been on a long motorcycle ride, and "My fanny feels like roast beef!" He almost died.
I have faith that there are enough British types on here to get why that's funny.
Quote from: Ali on January 18, 2012, 09:42:36 PMI was once telling a Scottish friend of mine that I had been on a long motorcycle ride, and "My fanny feels like roast beef!" He almost died.
Non Americans are likely to understand both usages of slang terms due to the ubiquity of US TV and movies.
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 19, 2012, 12:29:34 AM
Quote from: Ali on January 18, 2012, 09:42:36 PMI was once telling a Scottish friend of mine that I had been on a long motorcycle ride, and "My fanny feels like roast beef!" He almost died.
Non Americans are likely to understand both usages of slang terms due to the ubiquity of US TV and movies.
Maybe he did understand what I meant, but he sure laughed and laughed anyway....
Quote from: Ali on January 19, 2012, 12:34:41 AM
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 19, 2012, 12:29:34 AM
Quote from: Ali on January 18, 2012, 09:42:36 PMI was once telling a Scottish friend of mine that I had been on a long motorcycle ride, and "My fanny feels like roast beef!" He almost died.
Non Americans are likely to understand both usages of slang terms due to the ubiquity of US TV and movies.
Maybe he did understand what I meant, but he sure laughed and laughed anyway....
I am neither brit or yank. Please elaborate.
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 19, 2012, 12:41:00 AM
Quote from: Ali on January 19, 2012, 12:34:41 AM
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on January 19, 2012, 12:29:34 AM
Quote from: Ali on January 18, 2012, 09:42:36 PMI was once telling a Scottish friend of mine that I had been on a long motorcycle ride, and "My fanny feels like roast beef!" He almost died.
Non Americans are likely to understand both usages of slang terms due to the ubiquity of US TV and movies.
Maybe he did understand what I meant, but he sure laughed and laughed anyway....
I am neither brit or yank. Please elaborate.
Apparently in some parts, "fanny" is slang for....lady parts. ;) So he heard "My lady parts feel like roast beef."
Quote from: Ali on January 19, 2012, 12:41:51 AM
Apparently in some parts, "fanny" is slang for....lady parts. ;) So he heard "My lady parts feel like roast beef."
Well, if you went over hard enough bumps on that motorbike ride, I'd imagine even *that* sense of the word fanny would feel like roast beef too. (I've taken some hard, unfortunate knocks on a bicycle. I can only imagine what a motorbike would do! Ack!)
What I'd say to God, upon meeting God: "thank You for giving us the fabulous talents, thoughts and humor of freethinkers and skeptics like Lord Byron, Percy Shelley, Walt Whitman, Rod Serling, Kurt Vonnegut, Carl Sagan, Douglas Adams, George Carlin, etc etc etc... :D"
How exactly could God respond to that?
"Uh.... you're welcome?" :P
I'd look around. Stare at him. And then giggle. <3
Quote from: fluttershine on January 19, 2012, 07:48:54 AM
I'd look around. Stare at him. And then giggle. <3
Why giggle... did God forget to put clothing on that day? :D
-chortles- I'd just find the whole thing ironic.
And if God did. I'd squint my eyes to see if he has male parts. If I can't see any, I'll conclude they're incredibly small.
Quote from: Wessik on January 18, 2012, 09:17:56 PM
Pytheas, no need to be so serious, friend!
ok, I would say
"longtime no see you asshole, where the fuck were you?" >:(
Sorry, but I'll need to see some ID before I can let you in sir!
'Wait, I was an atheist, never 'repented', and had gay friends, and was proud, and cringed at the thought of churches- and I'm HERE!? See, I knew it was a load of crap.'
Mulligan!!
Where's my 72 virgins?
Quote from: RunFromMyLife on January 26, 2012, 10:09:52 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 26, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 26, 2012, 08:27:48 PM
Quote from: Robert on January 20, 2012, 04:54:19 PM
Mulligan!!
Now that's funny!!
I don't get it... must be an american thing.
"Mulligan" is a golf term: "when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action"
The funny is two-fold for me.
1. The mulligan is to do "better" the second time...hopefully. And I'm no golfer, but isn't it the case that a mulligan can be taken only from the tee shot? Maybe not.
2. The mulligan cannot be taken at the end of the game when the scores are added up.
Quote from: RunFromMyLife on January 26, 2012, 10:09:52 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 26, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 26, 2012, 08:27:48 PM
Quote from: Robert on January 20, 2012, 04:54:19 PM
Mulligan!!
Now that's funny!!
I don't get it... must be an american thing.
"Mulligan" is a golf term: "when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action"
Right. The only thing I know about golf is that it is acceptable for middle aged men to dress up like pimps.
Thanks for the explenation.
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 27, 2012, 08:21:47 AM
Quote from: RunFromMyLife on January 26, 2012, 10:09:52 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 26, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 26, 2012, 08:27:48 PM
Quote from: Robert on January 20, 2012, 04:54:19 PM
Mulligan!!
Now that's funny!!
I don't get it... must be an american thing.
"Mulligan" is a golf term: "when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action"
Right. The only thing I know about golf is that it is acceptable for middle aged men to dress up like pimps.
Thanks for the explenation.
Almost correct. Golf lets middle aged men
think it is acceptable to dress up like pimps :D
I stand corrected.
Has any one suggested "Parley?" ;D
Quote from: Tank on January 27, 2012, 08:40:32 AM
Almost correct. Golf lets middle aged men think it is acceptable to dress up like pimps :D
Yes...only pimps wear polo shirts and khaki pants/shorts. (I'm no golfer...maybe men on islands are different)
Quote from: Tank on January 27, 2012, 08:40:32 AM
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 27, 2012, 08:21:47 AM
Quote from: RunFromMyLife on January 26, 2012, 10:09:52 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on January 26, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on January 26, 2012, 08:27:48 PM
Quote from: Robert on January 20, 2012, 04:54:19 PM
Mulligan!!
Now that's funny!!
I don't get it... must be an american thing.
"Mulligan" is a golf term: "when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action"
Right. The only thing I know about golf is that it is acceptable for middle aged men to dress up like pimps.
Thanks for the explenation.
Almost correct. Golf lets middle aged men think it is acceptable to dress up like pimps :D
LOL!
They wear plaid on plaid on plaid.
"Kato, Perkele...."
Unfortunately there's really no good translation for that, because the context can be the equivalent of "...of fuuuuuu....", "Oh, look, it's...." or "Oh wow....", largely depending on the tone of voice... :-\
But I find it funny to call "god" with either the name of an ancient pagan one, or the devil, depending on are you using the original meaning or the one given to it by the loving, good christian preachers.... ;D
and as for golf and pimps....:
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2008%2F02_04%2FPoulterGarmsPA_468x416.jpg&hash=f900369d856213027c6afeb098a35a6c46d0e6b4)
;)
The one on the right looks like an escapee from My Little Pony!
Huh. Must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque ;D
Y U no make me taller?
What's cooking good looking? My my, what a beautiful young maiden you are! This must be heaven, if you're in it...wait, whaddya mean don't look behind me?