My first horrible experience since realizing i'm atheist

[a_jaynepayne]

So it's kinda weirder to deal with tragedy now.  Before I would've been sad mad whatever but ultimately known somewhere in my brain that "Oh, it's all gonna be made all better because we'll all be together and happy in heaven."  

My niece...who is more like a little sister to me, went into pre-term labor last night and gave birth to her son three months too early.  He ended up passing away an hour later.  My best friend who loves to debate in a fun way my atheist beliefs asked me once, "What will you believe when something bad happens?" Which I think is a good question.  I haven't switched sides or anything, but it is a totally different feeling now that I know my little heavenly safety net isn't there below me.  It has actually made my atheist beliefs stronger, because I can totally see how having some sort of religious belief is what gives some people stregnth...anyway, I don't really know what I want people to say I just needed to get it out there to people who think the same as me - people who, as sad as is sounds, really understand death...it kinda sucks a little bit...honestly it sucks a whole lot.  Anyway it's been a really emotional day...but I think I would really appreciate any sort of thoughts or similar emotions...I don't know.

[McQ]

First, I'm sorry to hear such sad news. New life is supposed to be just that...new life. And we have such strong expectations and hopes that it is very difficult to deal with a death like this.

It is something I've been able to be ok with, even though it was a struggle at first. We so want to think that "we" will go on forever. But we just don't. Like every other thing that exists, we submit to entropy.

But that has made me appreciate my life and all life so much more, it's amazing. As a christian, I thought I valued life. No. Not even a fraction as much as I do now.

I hope you are able to support your niece in a positive way, regardless of where each of your beliefs are.

[rlrose328]

Aw, Jayne... I'm so sorry to hear about your niece and your loss.  I went through something similar 2 years ago when my dad died suddenly.  I had been meaning to call him to talk about a movie I'd seen and just hadn't done so.  It sounds silly, but I missed knowing that I could just talk to him about it later in heaven (not that I believe before that we could DO that... but still).

It does totally suck when it comes to unexpected death that as atheists, we know this is it.  There's no going back, there's no "they're in a better place," or any of that kind of stuff that comforts believers.

You are your niece's comfort right now... give her all of the love and support you can, even while you grieve yourself.  Cry together until you can smile together again.

The facts suck sometimes.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.  

[tomday]

Dear Jayne, my heart-felt condolences to you and your family.  
Take some consolation, if you can, from the fact that you will need not be troubled (as surely would any 'intelligent' theist) by the fact that the 'all loving' and 'omnipotent' god allowed such a thing to happen. "It's god's will" is the stock answer to such a quandary which directly contradicts the 'all loving' crap!

[Jhenni]

 

When I used to go to Latter day saint church it was hard as a child. And their teachings to make sure people 'understand' everything is pretty through.

People would say after someone passed 'you'll see them again someday...' I would reply at the age of 9, how? are you sure? really sure? I never believed it. In my heart there wasn't anything there to felt reassuring.

It was really hard after I moved out and I didn't talk with my dad. After 3 years of getting over my anger I made my first new years resolution to talk to my dad, but the next week I heard he committed suicide.

I feel bad that I didn't get to apologize. But I know that I feel good now,  I shouldn't let my attitude fall. I accepted my feelings and that supports my perception towards life. Live for today.

I sometimes wish I could go up to the mall Santa and ask to bring him back, but Santa's elves are another story.

[a_jaynepayne]

I've haven't really talked to my family about the fact that I'm atheist so that'll be easy enough.  I'm not a person who really shouts their emotions from a rooftop but because only a handful of people around me know that I'm athiest is why I came here and posted about it.  It's a new awful feeling...I mean it would've been horrible before but...thank you all for your support and very comforting words.

[MommaSquid]

A_jaynepayne, I am so sorry to hear about your niece's loss...really it's a loss for the whole family, but no one will feel it like she will.  

There are ways to grieve and offer comfort without believing in god.  I'm sure you'll do just fine.  Take care.

[Davpronk]

I am sorry to hear about the loss! Stay strong a_jaynepayne!

If we believe there is a human heaven, why can't there also be a bug heaven, or a monkey heaven, or a fish heaven?

There is no life afterwards, we all need to live our lives on earth, and we must not concentrate on our life in heaven, wich will not happen.

[SteveS]

I'm sorry that happened a_jaynepayne - my condolences.  Take care of yourself and your niece!

[shoruke]

First off, sorry for your loss. Here's hoping you and your niece get over it okay.

My idea though, is that "it will all work out" until you snuff it. Caution is, of course, required throughout one's life, but for things that were impossible to prevent, it's all you can do to say "there's potential for more good things in my life."

[Bella]

First of all, I'm so sorry that happened. I've never experianced that through myself or anyone that I know, but I can only imagine.

Secondly, I'd find comfort knowing that she can have another baby... and imagining that future baby and how cute s/he will be and the things s/he will do. No, I don't believe that the first one died because God decided that it wasn't the correct "time". But, there is quite possibly going to be a new life where there wasn't one before.

[Steve Reason]

Death is a part of life. And we know through the study of evolution how tenuous life is. Life is always in motion and ever changing, and is therefore always at the risk of not working as we are used to seeing it work. But if you ask me, your niece's son's death was as big a miracle of nature as any living human life is. Because the whole process of life and death, and the symbiosis of them, is the real miracle of the natural world. We cannot have one without the other.

Obviously her pregnancy wasn't doing well, and so the natural laws took over and more or less ended the pregnancy. A completely natural occurrence.

I know that that won't take away the emotional pain, and I'm sad that her son didn't get to experience sentient life. But he was just as important as anyone else, and he will always exist. And without him, the universe wouldn't even exist.

So it's right to grieve, but at the same time you should celebrate that he is now a part of the miracle of life and of the natural world.

I guess what I'm saying is, is that you don't need to make up stories about a supernatural world for life to have meaning. I hope that makes sense.