Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Bad Penny II]

He said that if Trump did withhold nearly $400 million in aid to pressure Ukraine to announce investigations of Democrats to help his campaign, it wasn't an impeachable offense because Trump thinks his election would be to the country's benefit. Therefore, he had no corrupt motive.

I think Trump may be the Superman.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-nietzsches-s_b_7968918

And here's how you would know these Supermen: they would be marked by their ability to never feel guilt or regret or shame.

They would be "super" for the very reason that they, unlike the average person, could look at every moment of their lives--the good, the bad, the indifferent--and say (and really mean as they say it): "yes, I did that. So what? I willed it."

In fact, for these men it would never even be a matter of good, bad, or indifferent, because these men would be "beyond good and evil"--for the simple fact that they themselves would determine what was good and evil. Moreover, for these men there would never be any concern for the common good--because, in their eyes, nothing "common" could ever be "good."

Meanwhile, Nietzsche believed that the average person would look at these Supermen as heroes because in the Supermen they would see an expression of their own true nature: the nature they themselves are too weak to embrace but which they, all the same, resonate with strongly. The average person would champion the causes of the Supermen because they would see in the Supermen what they once upon a time saw in God and later saw in the community: a Savior--a source of hope.

Which leads me to this question: could it be that the very reason so many people are inspired rather than put off by Donald Trump is that he, for them, is Nietzsche's Superman?

[Magdalena]

I think Trump may be the Superman.

I can think of many words to describe Trump but superman is not one of them.

[No one]

Why is 2019 afraid of 2020?

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

[Kusa]

^^^ I don't believe that makes sense.

[No one]

Think about it.

[hiep]

How many super saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1
but it will take ten episodes.

[Siz]

How many super saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1
but it will take ten episodes.

I'm so impressed with myself. I'm nearly 50 and I get it. That makes me down with the kids, right?!... Right??!.

Now, who wants to go play postman's knock and phone Busby from a payphone?


... Aww, think I blew it... 

[Kusa]

Think about it.

It came to me this morning. I just had to say it slow.

[hiep]

Why is 2019 afraid of 2020?

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

I didn't get this initially. 2020 won.

[hiep]

*6 year old Jesus wakes from a nightmare*: "AAHH it's a catholic apocalypse"
God:" it's only a dream son, back to sleep"

[Icarus]

Older man is addressing a  young woman after her graduation ceremony.

He: " I know that you have recently graduated from University. Therefore I think that you will be good at math. I will give you twenty thousand dollars. You will have to pay fourteen percent in taxes.  How much would you take off for that?"

She: Everything but my ear rings.

[Kusa]

[Kusa]

[Dark Lightning]

I discovered two lumps on my car battery.

I've had them tested and there was a positive result.

I hope it's not terminal.

[Davin]