Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[xSilverPhinx]

...
I took OC as an undergrad and the professor insisted we learnt the reactions by heart. Obviously, OC was not one of my favourite disciplines. 

Well, there's your problem. If your prof had taught the mechanistic approach, you might have been an organic chemist today.

Maybe, who knows? 

[Red_Cloud]

"What's the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to talk to when you're fucking."

[Red_Cloud]

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?.....Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.

[Tank]

[billy rubin]

how many quakers does it take to change a light bulb?

three and one half.

quaker one to notice the burned out light bulb on first day, without doing anything because it will be brought up at business meeting in three weeks.

quaker two to go to the store and buy a pack of light bulbs, return to the meeting house, and pry open the kitchen window

the half quaker is lifted in and goes around to unlock the door from the inside

quaker two to go in, get the ladder, remove the burned out bulb and throw it in the trash, screw a fresh bulb into the the socket, put the rest of the light bulbs into the storage closet and return the ladder, and then  with the half quaker to exit together through the door, and lock it behind them.

quaker three to marvel at how he lights are all working next first day.

[No one]

A Dung Beetle walks into a bar and says:
Is this stool taken?

[jumbojak]

[Magdalena]

^^^
Good one. 

[Buddy]

^ 

[xSilverPhinx]

Perfect!

[jumbojak]

I've been showing that one to people at work and no one single person got it yet. It's brilliant!

[Tom62]

I've been showing that one to people at work and no one single person got it yet. It's brilliant!

Most people at my work don't understand the joke either, which shows that Germans don't have a sense of humour 

[Tank]

Perfect!

I didn't get the joke at first. What's wrong with being an Orca? 

[Icarus]

Orcas are commonly called Killer Whales.  They are the scourge of sharks including the giant Great White.  When an Orca or a pod of them arrive in the vicinity of sharks, the sharks flee at once.

[jumbojak]

Last Day on the Job:

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."