Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Tank]

[Tank]

[joeactor]

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing.
It's on the house!

[No one]

Two blondes are walking through the woods, when the come across some tracks:

First blonde:"I think these are deer tracks."

Second blonde: "No silly, these are definitely moose tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

[joeactor]

Two blondes are walking through the woods, when the come across some tracks:

First blonde:"I think these are deer tracks."

Second blonde: "No silly, these are definitely moose tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Ha! Ok... Blonde jokes...


A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver for speeding:

Blonde officer: Can I see your driver's licence, please?
Blonde driver: (rooting through purse) I can't find it - what's it look like?
Blonde officer: (sighs) It's a little rectangle with a picture of you.
Blonde driver: (pulls out a pocket mirror and looks at it) Is this it?
Blonde officer: (looks at pocket mirror) Hmmm... (hands it back to driver) I didn't know you were a police officer. You can go!

[xSilverPhinx]

What do you call a blonde who dyes their hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

[No one]

Three blondes walk into a building...... you'd think one of them would have seen it.

[Essie Mae]

I hope you're not including bottle-blondes in these outrageous jokes.

[Dave]

Bloke goes to see the doctor.

"I have this terrible flatulence. There's no smell and they are silent but I feel uncomfortable. Oh, dear, there goes one now!"

"Hmm," says the dictor, "get this prescription filled and come back in a week."

A week later the chap is back in the surgery.

"Well, says the doc, "did that medication make any difference."

"Yes," says the chap, "the problem is just as frequent but now they smell terrible!"

"Good," replies the doctor, "that's got your sense of smell fixed now let's try to sort out your hearing."

[Tank]

[Arturo]

One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the teacher said, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He replied, 'no ma'am.' She said, 'if you don't have it done by tomorrow then I'm going to make a call to your parents.'

As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two greyhounds racing,and one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just stops and the other one rams its head right up its a**.

Johnny takes out a piece of paper and writes it all down, saying to himself, 'This is going to be my report.'

The next day at school the teacher says, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He says, 'sure do.' So he goes up to the front of the class and starts telling them what he saw. 'Yesterday I was walking home from school when I saw these two greyhounds racing, and one rammed its head right up the other's a**.' The teacher says, 'Johnny, we don't use the word 'a**' in the classroom, it's rectum.' Johnny said, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'Em."

[joeactor]

^^^ classic! 

[Magdalena]

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

[xSilverPhinx]

[Icarus]

^