Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[xSilverPhinx]

[Dave]

^^^
Groan . . .

[xSilverPhinx]

Heheh, I often wonder why I like bad jokes.

[Essie Mae]

That's good; bad but good

[Dave]

[Getting my "Groan" back!]

Now, the non-Brits here may need to view the following ad to understand this joke.  Watch only the first example and remember the catch-tune...

The resturant critic enters an establishment, famous for its fish dishes, new to him in a town on the southern French coast. He admires the tank of live fish etc. on his way to the table. Looking for the unusual he sees a bright green squid that, good heavens, has a moustache. This squid is also rushing wildly all over the tank. "Aha," he thinks, "a truly special dish for such as myself!"

Gaston, his waiter, seats him and enquires as to his needs.

"Ah, yes," says the critic, " I will have the green squid, sauted in garlic butter I think."

"Er, m'sieur is sure?"

"Yes, certainly."

Gaston is unhappy and goes to the owner and head chef, Gervais. "M'sieur Gervais, a customer has asked for the squid!"

"Mon Dieu, not the squid! In five years no-one has asked for the squid, it is like a pet now. But, parbleu, the customer must have his wish, bring the squid!"

The squid is placed on the cutting board, the cleaver is raised, but . . .

"Mais non! I cannot do it, my heart breaks!" cries Gervais. He turns to Hans, a Gernan student on a working holiday doing the washing up.

"Hans, despatch the squid!"

"Ja, m'sieur Gervais!" Hand lifts the cleaver but, "Nein, I cannot do it either!"

This only goes to show that . . .

(Remember that tune folks)

. . . Hans, who does dishes, can be as soft as Gervais with a wild green, hairy lipped squid.


Contender for worst "shaggy dog" joke of 1989. Came first.

[xSilverPhinx]

That's good; bad but good

"Bad but good", I like that concept.

[Essie Mae]

 

[Dave]

The Number of the Beast

599.4<Beast<732.6 - Number of the Beast plus or minus 10% confidence
1332/2 - Number of the Vulgar Beast
P(x=666) - Probability of the Beast
F(x)=666 - Function of the Beast
666 Jr. - Son of  the Beast
666 Plus - Vitamin of the Beast
666kb - Base Memory of the Beast
WD666 - All Purpose Lubricant of the Beast
666K - Jewellery of the Beast
+666 - The Optimistic Beast
-666 - The Pessimistic Beast
666 BEA - Dewey Decimal Call Number of the Beast
666 DDD - Bra Size of the Beast
666 Long - Suit Size of the Beast
6.66V - Battery of the Beast
666-in-one - The Multi-Purpose Beast
666FM - The Radio Station of the Beast
6-0, 6-0, 6-0 - Tennis Match of the Beast
666W - Power Consumption of the Beast
666W/RMS - Average Music Output of the Beast
Line 6, Ext 66 - Where the Beast can be reached during Office Hours
Run-666 - Rap Group of the Beast
SPF666 - Suntan Lotion of the Beast
666999 - Mr & Mrs Beast enjoying each other
666/4 - Time Signature of the Beast
666/3 - Waltz of the Beast
666 BPM - The tempo of Techno Beast

[joeactor]

The Number of the Beast

599.4<Beast<732.6 - Number of the Beast plus or minus 10% confidence
1332/2 - Number of the Vulgar Beast
P(x=666) - Probability of the Beast
F(x)=666 - Function of the Beast
666 Jr. - Son of  the Beast
666 Plus - Vitamin of the Beast
666kb - Base Memory of the Beast
WD666 - All Purpose Lubricant of the Beast
666K - Jewellery of the Beast
+666 - The Optimistic Beast
-666 - The Pessimistic Beast
666 BEA - Dewey Decimal Call Number of the Beast
666 DDD - Bra Size of the Beast
666 Long - Suit Size of the Beast
6.66V - Battery of the Beast
666-in-one - The Multi-Purpose Beast
666FM - The Radio Station of the Beast
6-0, 6-0, 6-0 - Tennis Match of the Beast
666W - Power Consumption of the Beast
666W/RMS - Average Music Output of the Beast
Line 6, Ext 66 - Where the Beast can be reached during Office Hours
Run-666 - Rap Group of the Beast
SPF666 - Suntan Lotion of the Beast
666999 - Mr & Mrs Beast enjoying each other
666/4 - Time Signature of the Beast
666/3 - Waltz of the Beast
666 BPM - The tempo of Techno Beast

... and 668 "The Neighbor of The Beast"

[Siz]

6Z6Z6Z - the slumber of the Beast...?

[Magdalena]

666²: Twice as evil?

[Tank]

25.806975801127880315188420605149 the root of all evil?

[Arturo]

66.6 FM - radio station of the beast

[Guardian85]

66.6 FM - radio station of the beast

Wouldn't it be ironic if that was a christian rock station? 

[Tank]

66.6 FM - radio station of the beast

Wouldn't it be ironic if that was a christian rock station?