Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Hardvark]

[Guardian85]

Frank and Eddie are having a conversation during their lunch break. Frank asks, "So, Eddie, how's your sex life these days?" Eddie replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind."
"Social Security?" Frank asked quizzically.
"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on."

[Tank]

[Arturo]

[xSilverPhinx]

World's Oldest Recorded Joke

[joeactor]

World's Oldest Recorded Joke

Wow. We need some new material here.

[Biggus Dickus]

World's Oldest Recorded Joke

Wow. We need some new material here.

No kidding. xSP should be grounded for that one.


I was on my fourth or fifth viewing of the "W'sOJ" trying to figure out the joke when I thought, what the hell am I doing? This is ridiculous...a moment in my life I'll never recover.

[Magdalena]

4/20!

How could I have missed this!? 

[Arturo]

It's alright. Nobody acknowledges my jokes anyway.

[Magdalena]

Hahawwrr, ahrr...herr...hawrrrrr
I do.

[Magdalena]

OK! Fine! I'll tell you the truth, Apathy.
I didn't notice it because I was too busy conmemorating the day.

[Tank]

It's alright. Nobody acknowledges my jokes anyway.

But they'll still be laughing at them.

[Tank]

[Arturo]

OK! Fine! I'll tell you the truth, Apathy.
I didn't notice it because I was too busy conmemorating the day.

It's alright. Nobody acknowledges my jokes anyway.

But they'll still be laughing at them.

Haha nice

Really it's OK Magdalena. I don't even smoke or drink. Both make me psychotic.

[Biggus Dickus]

So, 4 nuns from the same convent died at the same time in a car accident, and they're all lined up at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter tells the first one to come up and says, "Alright, Sister, before I let you in: Tell me, have you ever touched a penis?"
The nun is a little nervous, knows better than to lie, and says: "Yes, Peter. Just once, with my pinky."
Peter says, "Alright," and lays a bowl of Holy Water down before her. "Just dip your pinky finger in here and you'll be purified, then we'll let you in."
She does, and is let in.

Peter calls up the second nun, and says, "Alright, Sister, same question: Have you ever touched a penis?"
"Well, Peter," she says, red as a beet, "Father McKenzie made me give him a handjob once-- just once!"
"Okay," Peter says, "Just wash your hands in the Holy Water and we'll let you in."
She does and is let in.

Peter is about to call up the third nun, but he notices that the fourth nun behind her is visibly shaken, pale, and really nervous. So he says, "What's the matter, Sister?"

She gestures to the third nun and says, "Well, if it's all the same to you Peter, I'd rather gargle the water before she sticks her ass in it."