Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Icarus]

^

What's up with the current adult fad for coloring?  Tank posted the one for lazy people, which is a hoot.

My wife bought several adult coloring books and colored pencil sets as Christmas presents for her lady friends. I thought that she was being rude to her friends but was lectured about how much adults enjoy coloring. She said that it is a therapeutic exercise, something like non kinetic yoga.

Gotta' get me one of those books and pencil boxes. Especially one that is completed only with black and white. 

[Buddy]

I love the coloring books that I got for Christmas. They are great for stress relief.

[Tom62]

My wife gave me alcohol markers and an adult colouring book for Christmas. I was disappointed that there were no nude pictures in the book  .

[Tank]

Colouring can be very relaxing.

[Essie Mae]

I'd feel stressed by the need to get it finished.  Nothing like a good book and a red wine to relax.

[Tank]

[Magdalena]

^^
Ha-ha! I like it. 

[Biggus Dickus]

^^
Ha-ha! I like it. 

This is better Mags!

Did you hear about the frog who learnt Latin prose composition? The other frogs said of him "scribit, scribit"

[Magdalena]

^^
Too complicated.

[Biggus Dickus]

^^
Too complicated.

How about this one?

julius caesar walks into a bar, sits down, orders a martinus. bartender gives him a weird look and says "don't you mean a martini?"

[Tank]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable!

[Tank]

I wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

- Henny Youngman

[Biggus Dickus]

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves sharing the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you sir, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." 

The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea, how about we pretend we're married?" 

"Why not," giggles the woman, 'Your kinda cute". 

"Good," he replies, "Get your own blanket."

[Biggus Dickus]

[Tank]