Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Asmodean

#3345
July 04, 2015, 11:35:42 AM
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

OldGit

#3346
July 07, 2015, 09:52:42 AM

Kent

#3347
July 08, 2015, 09:26:23 PM
My friend said that he didn't want to be Asian anymore.

So I spun him around until he became disoriented.
Civilization exists by geologic consent; subject to change without notice.

-Will Durant

Tank

#3348
July 08, 2015, 09:40:06 PM
 :D :D :D >:(
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tom62

#3349
July 08, 2015, 09:49:27 PM
Anglo-EU Translation Guide

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Michael1

#3350
July 08, 2015, 10:16:28 PM
QuoteWhen I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
I liked the earth before it was cool.

Claireliontamer

#3351
July 09, 2015, 12:06:51 AM
Quote from: Tom62 on July 08, 2015, 09:49:27 PM
Anglo-EU Translation Guide



Very interesting......

Kent

#3352
July 09, 2015, 06:57:34 PM
The Triassic Period is well-known for the development, in multiple species of prehistoric fauna, of two additional sets of buttocks.
Civilization exists by geologic consent; subject to change without notice.

-Will Durant

joeactor

#3353
July 09, 2015, 07:41:05 PM
Quote from: Kent on July 09, 2015, 06:57:34 PM
The Triassic Period is well-known for the development, in multiple species of prehistoric fauna, of two additional sets of buttocks.

Evidence here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqosS6DBwhA

Kent

#3354
July 09, 2015, 09:34:17 PM
Breaking news from the Middle East!

17,000 atheists rioted today when a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk....

Film at 11.
Civilization exists by geologic consent; subject to change without notice.

-Will Durant

Larry

#3355
July 10, 2015, 05:18:31 AM Last Edit: July 10, 2015, 05:20:34 AM by larry-new
AND burned copies of the Manual of Style and Usage.
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
Epicurus [341-270 B.C.E.]

"And do you think that unto such as you,
A maggot-minded, starved, fanatic crew,
God gave the Secret, and denied it me?-
Well, well, what matters it! believe that too."
Rubaiyat, R. Le Gallienne, transl.

Tank

#3356
July 10, 2015, 12:19:30 PM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#3357
July 10, 2015, 12:23:22 PM
TV LICENSE INSPECTOR: Hello Sir, can we please check your TV license?

MAN: I don't have a TV, meaning I don't have aTV license.

TV LICENSE INSPECTOR: But we saw a TV aerial on the roof of your house.

MAN: Come in Sir, He opens the fridge pointed at the bottle of milk and asked; "what is this?

TV LICENSE INSPECTOR: Its milk sir but why do youask me such a silly question?

MAN: So if this is milk, does it mean I have cows in the house??

Credit: Nii Affum Sackey
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Kent

#3358
July 10, 2015, 05:30:58 PM
The police technician strapped me firmly into the chair and attached the electrodes to my chest, head, and hands. I was all wired up for a Lie Detector test.

"I hope we can get this over with soon," I said as I squirmed uncomfortably, "I sure hate being bound up tightly like this."  The detective just rolled his eyes at me as the indicator zig-zagged wildly up and down the polygraph.

"All right, fine, fine, fine, I love it," I admitted.
Civilization exists by geologic consent; subject to change without notice.

-Will Durant

Kent

#3359
July 10, 2015, 11:30:01 PM
Q: What has four legs, and one arm?








A: A happy pit bull terrier!   ::)












Civilization exists by geologic consent; subject to change without notice.

-Will Durant
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