Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Magdalena

#3270
June 04, 2015, 02:53:31 PM
Love it!  ;D

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Biggus Dickus

#3271
June 04, 2015, 03:47:48 PM
Funny, but to be a bit pedantic Tank making false statements to police can be a chargeable offense, which could include jail time depending on the circumstances.

"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Eugeny Anatolievich

#3272
June 04, 2015, 03:59:37 PM
I know this story. One Russian stand-up comic told it. Of course, the driver was Russian. It's an old story.
I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.

Tank

#3274
June 05, 2015, 07:42:32 PM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#3275
June 05, 2015, 09:43:00 PM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#3276
June 05, 2015, 10:11:47 PM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Firebird

#3277
June 08, 2015, 12:13:22 AM
*GROAN*
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

jumbojak

#3278
June 09, 2015, 03:53:05 PM

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Claireliontamer

#3279
June 09, 2015, 06:38:26 PM
^^ I don't get it.  Who is the bloke?

Tank

#3280
June 09, 2015, 06:44:47 PM
Quote from: Claireliontamer on June 09, 2015, 06:38:26 PM
^^ I don't get it.  Who is the bloke?
A character from an American TV series called MASH. He was called Radar because he always seemed to know what was going on before it happened.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Claireliontamer

#3281
June 09, 2015, 06:51:51 PM
Quote from: Tank on June 09, 2015, 06:44:47 PM
Quote from: Claireliontamer on June 09, 2015, 06:38:26 PM
^^ I don't get it.  Who is the bloke?
A character from an American TV series called MASH. He was called Radar because he always seemed to know what was going on before it happened.

Doh!  I should have got that.  It looks like Harry Potter on my phone and I couldn't work out the link.

Guardian85

#3282
June 10, 2015, 12:25:19 AM
A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.
Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Icarus

#3283
June 10, 2015, 01:31:12 AM
Not to worry Claire. You can not be expected to know about one of our revered TV series about war.The popularity of the MASH series goes back several years to the Korean war era  and must surely be well be before your time.

MASH was an abbreviation that meant Military Advanced Surgical Hospital.  The script writers were near genius. They managed to combine blood and guts efforts to save wounded soldiers in a tent advanced position hospital with the height of mirth. That was a classic series not easy to duplicate.

Pasta Chick

#3284
June 10, 2015, 01:35:03 AM
Anyone else follow "Shit Creationists Say" on Facebook?  Sometimes they just become tedious, like talking to certain posters we've had here.  But sometimes they make me laugh so much...



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