Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Biggus Dickus]

So my father presented this to me as a joke, but it turns out this may have actually happened. Anyway...

One year, at Duke, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to Virginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UV for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about morality and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) Which tire?

Awesome on all points Fireybird, makes a nice little story.  

I told this yesterday evening to the crowd at the racquetball courts, unbeknownst to me one of the ladies present was professor at U.Michigan.

She laughed quite long and loud, so I imagine this morning it is making the rounds on campus.

[Biggus Dickus]

Dense I know, but I don't know what I am looking at here.

It would appear as if these lads have blocked themselves in with their work, from the street signs I would pick someplace in the Netherlands, possible Dutch

[Tom62]

Dense I know, but I don't know what I am looking at here.

It would appear as if these lads have blocked themselves in with their work, from the street signs I would pick someplace in the Netherlands, possible Dutch

The place looks familiar to me, I think it is in Amsterdam.

[Crow]

Hahaha I know that one.

[Magdalena]

So my father presented this to me as a joke, but it turns out this may have actually happened. Anyway...

One year, at Duke, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to Virginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UV for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about morality and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) Which tire?

That's a good one. 

[Claireliontamer]

Apparently (well according to FB where I stole it from) it is outside the hospital in Belfast.

[Crow]

Apparently (well according to FB where I stole it from) it is outside the hospital in Belfast.

It isn't Ireland. For some reason it ended up as a derogatory slur against the Irish but it is in England.

[joeactor]

Firebird's story reminded me of one from my own high school.

I was in science class and a guy in the back of the room was acting up.
The teacher was lecturing at the front of the room and called the boy up.
He then filled two beakers at the sink, one with cold water, one with hot, and said "Interesting fact: the nerves on the back of your hands can't sense heat and cold - let me demonstrate..."
He had the boy hold out both hands, palms down, and balanced the beakers on the back of them, then said: "Ok, which one has hot water in it?"
The boy said "Uh, the left one."
"Hmmm", the teacher said, "Guess I was wrong."
... then he proceeded to lecture while the boy just stood there stuck with the beakers!

(he was a cool teacher all round)

[Claireliontamer]

Apparently (well according to FB where I stole it from) it is outside the hospital in Belfast.

It isn't Ireland. For some reason it ended up as a derogatory slur against the Irish but it is in England.

So is it real?  Did they really leave the van there when they built the bollards or is it photoshopped?

[Claireliontamer]

Firebird's story reminded me of one from my own high school.

I was in science class and a guy in the back of the room was acting up.
The teacher was lecturing at the front of the room and called the boy up.
He then filled two beakers at the sink, one with cold water, one with hot, and said "Interesting fact: the nerves on the back of your hands can't sense heat and cold - let me demonstrate..."
He had the boy hold out both hands, palms down, and balanced the beakers on the back of them, then said: "Ok, which one has hot water in it?"
The boy said "Uh, the left one."
"Hmmm", the teacher said, "Guess I was wrong."
... then he proceeded to lecture while the boy just stood there stuck with the beakers!

(he was a cool teacher all round)

I really wish I was still a science teacher now!

[Crow]

So is it real?  Did they really leave the van there when they built the bollards or is it photoshopped?

Legit. There are no signs of clone or stamp tool and the lighting is identical. Plus that is a bog standard office building that is taken from so very unlikely there will be an artworker or designer working there.

[OldGit]

Often those bollards have a locking mechanism and you can lift them out if you have the key.  There are two like those keeping cars out of our village play park, but you can unlock them with a long thin screwdriver and take them out.

[Essie Mae]

Dense I know, but I don't know what I am looking at here.

It would appear as if these lads have blocked themselves in with their work, from the street signs I would pick someplace in the Netherlands, possible Dutch

The place looks familiar to me, I think it is in Amsterdam.

Message to me: Doh! wakey wakey

[Eric V Arachnid]

Heaps of room.

[OldGit]