Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Icarus]

Woman goes to doctor for annual checkup
After some tests the doctor tells her that her heart, respiration, blood pressure are all in good shape.
The doctors says now let me look at the lady part that gets so many of you in trouble.
Lady begins to remove her clothes............
Doctor says No...No... No, just open your mouth and stick out your tongue.

[Tank]

[Tank]

My hero!

[Pasta Chick]

Yeast dough can kill your dog, fwiw.  Sounds like that guy only got a bite.

[Tank]

Yeast dough can kill your dog, fwiw.  Sounds like that guy only got a bite.

EeeeK! I didn't know that.

[Essie Mae]

Woman goes to doctor for annual checkup
After some tests the doctor tells her that her heart, respiration, blood pressure are all in good shape.
The doctors says now let me look at the lady part that gets so many of you in trouble.
Lady begins to remove her clothes............
Doctor says No...No... No, just open your mouth and stick out your tongue.

Really Icarus! That's almost sexist.

[Icarus]

Essie Mae it is not my joke. I am just sharing one I heard from a practicing MCP. 

[Tank]

A topless picture of me.

[Pasta Chick]

Yeast dough can kill your dog, fwiw.  Sounds like that guy only got a bite.

EeeeK! I didn't know that.

Yeah, it will just rise and rise with no way to expand beyond the stomach and nowhere to release the gas created by the yeast.  This guy was lucky enough to burp and fart through it, a lot of dogs will just get plugged up entirely and/or experience gastric torsion, which is fatal within 45min to a couple hours max.

Gorilla glue is similar but different as well, and supposedly tastes really sweet. 

[Asmodean]

A topless picture of me.

This shit is NSFA! He's scarred for life now and may need to smite something because of it. 

[Biggus Dickus]

Three bro's were sitting together at a bar complaining about their wives, and the 1st bro lamented, "My wife was at the grocery store last week, and she bought over $500 worth of meat because it was on sale, however; we don't have a freezer large enough to store all of the meat, now I'm screwed'.
"That's nothing", replied the 2nd bro, "my wife went out last week and dropped $2,700 on a used car because it was such a great deal, and she doesn't even have a license to drive".
"Well", said the 3rd bro, "My wife certainly hasn't wasted money like yours, but she does make me laugh. Last week she left with some friends on a vacation to Greece, and she took about 4 dozen boxes of condoms, and she doesn't even have a penis".

[Essie Mae]

Three bro's were sitting together at a bar complaining about their wives, and the 1st bro lamented, "My wife was at the grocery store last week, and she bought over $500 worth of meat because it was on sale, however; we don't have a freezer large enough to store all of the meat, now I'm screwed'.
"That's nothing", replied the 2nd bro, "my wife went out last week and dropped $2,700 on a used car because it was such a great deal, and she doesn't even have a license to drive".
"Well", said the 3rd bro, "My wife certainly hasn't wasted money like yours, but she does make me laugh. Last week she left with some friends on a vacation to Greece, and she took about 4 dozen boxes of condoms, and she doesn't even have a penis".

ROFL. Just told that to my husband and son, they were also rofl.

[OldGit]

[Tank]

^^^ 

[Tank]