Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Icarus]

Spelling; Raze, not raise the bar..............................did I get that right?  Help!

[Asmodean]

Necromancers raise dead things to undeath. 'Least that's my thinking.

[Pasta Chick]

HIRED!!

I don't think its a joke, because that was pretty much my gig, but it doesn't fit anywhere else.

[Biggus Dickus]

^^ I wonder if they did get any customers?

Here are some pet funnies.

[Biggus Dickus]

Prayer for Senility:

God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

[Magdalena]

^^^
Funny, Bruno, very funny. 

[Tank]

A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in
London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off
the radio because as decreed by his religious
teaching, he must not listen to music because
in the time of the prophet there was no
music, especially Western music,which is the
music of the infidel.The cab driver politely
switched off the radio,stopped the cab and
opened the door. The Arab Muslim asked
him,"What are you doing??? The cabbie
answered, "In the time of the prophet there
were no taxis, no bombs, no plane hijacks, no
west invented loud speakers in mosques that
woke up newly born , elderly n d sick at
unearthly hours, no suicide attacks, no RDX,
no AK 47, only ''peace'' everywhere. So
shutup and wait for a camel."

credit: Soji Fajemirokun

[Saspian]

The good little girl said 'it's hard to be good'
The bad little girl replied 'it has to be hard to be good'....

[Guardian85]

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard.  She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

[Biggus Dickus]

[Asmodean]

A water-based heat sink. Inventive.

[Tank]

[Tank]

[Magdalena]

Acute--joke. 

[Tank]