Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[joeactor]

Tank... Don't forget "Cole's Law":
A salad of shredded raw cabbage and sometimes shredded carrots, dressed with mayonnaise or a vinaigrette.

[Tank]

^^^ Hehe

[Essie Mae]

Speaking of farting (Thanks Essie )

So the other day my future son-in-law and I were out at the market buying produce, and we came across this lovely basket of "Sunchokes". He thought it would be a good idea to get some, as we could shred them and sauté them like hash browns for breakfast.
They turned out really good, and everyone liked them a lot as they went well with out breakfast on Saturday morning of eggs, bacon, avocado and tomatoes.

"Sunchokes"  are also commonly known as "Jerusalem artichokes", but some refer to them as "the Fartichoke".

Heartfelt thanks for sharing that Bruno, and to you Old Git and

Now I didn't really have any discomfort from these, neither did the future son-in-law (FSL), nor did my son or daughter. However, my wife really had an issue with these, as Saturday afternoon I received a text from her that read, " OMG, I have been farting all day long at work and can't stop, I'm so embarrassed".

We hadn't mentioned to her that Sunchokes can cause gas, needless to say she wasn't very happy with me for leaving that little detail out when we were having them for breakfast.

She's mad at me for this, even madder because I thought it was funny...but it's definitely worth being in trouble over!

The farting jokes are the best, every time.

Heartfelt thanks for sharing this Bruno, and to you OG for encouraging him. (Mind you, still rofl over the cake)

[Tank]

[Tank]

[xSilverPhinx]

^ Seriously?

[Guardian85]

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works.

After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock.

He knows that he is doomed. He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!"

[Icarus]

^ ROFL . 

G85 where in hell do you get all that humor that fits so well with the English language and American psyche?

[Guardian85]

^ ROFL . 

G85 where in hell do you get all that humor that fits so well with the English language and American psyche?

50% internet.  50% dirty mind. 

[Asmodean]

^ Seriously?

I suspect the US market and the inevitable lawsuits. The Asmo's outfit is not selling to the US for that very reason, and probably never will.

[Tom62]

^ Seriously?

I suspect the US market and the inevitable lawsuits. The Asmo's outfit is not selling to the US for that very reason, and probably never will.

You are right. A quick search on the Internet shows countless examples of stupid American warning labels.

[Tank]

^ Seriously?

I suspect the US market and the inevitable lawsuits. The Asmo's outfit is not selling to the US for that very reason, and probably never will.

Asmo is scared of American lawyers?
Bruce, time for a coup? 

[Asmodean]

^ Seriously?

I suspect the US market and the inevitable lawsuits. The Asmo's outfit is not selling to the US for that very reason, and probably never will.

Asmo is scared of American lawyers?
Bruce, time for a coup?  

No, I have little patience for the apparent stupidity of the American end consumer. Fortunately, so do the people I work with/for.

[Tank]

[Biggus Dickus]

More doggies.