Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[xSilverPhinx]

Merry consumerism and a happy new debt.

[Magdalena]

^ ^

Much better.

[Biggus Dickus]

^^Very good^^


Here's two jokes for the price of one:

It's Christmas Eve and a customer who was in a bar all day had to use the bathroom. He had been in there for a while when he started to scream and yell. One of the the barmaids reluctantly goes into the bathroom to check on him. "Sir, what are you yelling and screaming about in here. You're scaring our customers"?

He looks up at her from his seat and says, "Every time I flush the toilet, something bites my balls!"

"Sir" she replies, "Would you please get up off the mop bucket."


A mafioso's young son is sitting at his desk, writing a Christmas letter to Jesus.
First he writes, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

Then he gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear Baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

[Magdalena]

A mafioso's young son is sitting at his desk, writing a Christmas letter to Jesus.
First he writes, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

Then he gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear Baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

Ha!   

[OldGit]

Quote from the venerable philosopher Feng Ho-Chin:

?It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence?.

[Biggus Dickus]

Holiday Travel Pics.

[Tank]

[Asmodean]

That's... A leg. A toe would be... Smaller, somehow.

[Biggus Dickus]

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her ? Good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, ?Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ?incident?, she asks, ?what is the price of this Lovely bracelet??

He answers, ?Madam ? if you farted just looking at it ? you?re going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!?

[Icarus]

Oh! that one is too good to waste, Bruno. I have copied it and given it to my wife who works in an upscale jewelry store.

[OldGit]

The farting jokes are the best, every time.

[Eric V Arachnid]

The farting jokes are the best, every time.

Not every time, they're mostly crap.

[OldGit]

I might have known you'd follow through on that one.

[Essie Mae]

Are you trying to provoke me?

[OldGit]

No, E-M. Sorry!