Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[xSilverPhinx]

^ LOL

[Guardian85]

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"
The other replies, "GREAT trade!"

[xSilverPhinx]

[xSilverPhinx]

I've got one:

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are going through Scotland by train. They pass a field with one single, black sheep on it. "Look at that", says the engineer, "in Scotland, the sheep are black!"
"No, no", says the physicist, "actually we only know that there is at least one black sheep in Scotland."
"This is also not true", argues the mathematician. "All we know is that there is at least one black sheep which is black on at least one side!"

[Icarus]

^   I especially like the mathematicians retort.

[Tank]

Gerry reminds me of the engineer.

[Guardian85]

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the Little Rabbit.

After a while the Giraffe and the Rabbit come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood. It is much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Rabbit looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Rabbit.

Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Rabbit runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Rabbit, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Rabbit, the Giraffe and the Elephant.

After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a six pack of beer. The Rabbit runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't d that." and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts beating the living crap out of the Rabbit. The Giraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the Rabbit and says, "What the hell are you doing, man?" The Tiger gets one more kick in and says, "Ah, that little fucker really pisses me off; he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on Ecstasy!"

[Biggus Dickus]

The seeds of Atheism are often planted when we are young

[NoHandlebarsAttached]

How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Extermin-eight!

[MariaEvri]

How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Extermin-eight!

[Asmodean]

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are going through Scotland by train. They pass a field with one single, black sheep on it. "Look at that", says the engineer, "in Scotland, the sheep are black!"

I resent the implication that we would jump to a conclusion like that, and that that would be the conclusion. This engineer would have said, if anything (Contingent on the argument below), "Look at that! In Scotland, there are black sheep"

"This is also not true", argues the mathematician. "All we know is that there is at least one black sheep which is black on at least one side!"

It's either a black sheep, or it is black on one side. Also, why assume that they only see the sheep from one side? Not from behind? Not from the front? Not at an angle?

How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Extermin-eight!

..? I don't follow. Why does it take eight of those whatdidyoucallthems?

[Claireliontamer]

[Crow]

I'm incorporating that into my lingo.

[Tank]

[Magdalena]

^^