Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Essie Mae]

Thks for the tip.

[Magdalena]

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!"
― George Carlin

[Guardian85]

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where t hey landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?" The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy...any guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"

[Icarus]

^ 

[Essie Mae]

Hilarious

[Tank]

[OldGit]

And he was right!

[xSilverPhinx]

LOL

[Biggus Dickus]

Good one Tank^^

[Claireliontamer]

Good one Tank^^

Didn't I tell you already: NO KILLING OF MAGIC REINDEER 

[xSilverPhinx]

Imagine what Santa must be thinking: Reindeer pulled sleds are so last century, maybe it's time I got a jet instead.

[Biggus Dickus]

Good one Tank^^

Didn't I tell you already: NO KILLING OF MAGIC REINDEER 

I'm sorry, Eric made me do it.

[Tank]

[Biggus Dickus]

^^ I love that feeling as well^^

[xSilverPhinx]

^