Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Icarus

#2805
November 18, 2014, 09:06:08 PM
^^  ;D

Tank

#2806
November 18, 2014, 09:49:23 PM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Magdalena

#2807
November 18, 2014, 09:51:56 PM
^
;D

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Sweetdeath

#2808
November 18, 2014, 10:15:35 PM
Haha, you're posting gold, Tank.  :D
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Tank

#2809
November 20, 2014, 09:04:59 AM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#2810
November 20, 2014, 09:11:31 AM
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

#2811
November 20, 2014, 08:23:44 PM
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.

The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.

The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Icarus

#2812
November 21, 2014, 01:45:33 AM
OOOH! That one is ugly G85. I liked it.  ;D

OldGit

#2813
November 21, 2014, 09:48:53 AM
Good one, G85. :D

Tank

#2814
November 21, 2014, 03:34:36 PM
How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#2815
November 21, 2014, 03:35:51 PM
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

#2816
November 21, 2014, 03:36:49 PM
What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

#2817
November 21, 2014, 04:54:42 PM
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Asmodean

#2818
November 21, 2014, 05:25:10 PM
Quote from: Tank on November 21, 2014, 03:36:49 PM
What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.
Then what do you call a handcuffed man who also happens to be an experienced liar?
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Magdalena

#2819
November 21, 2014, 05:31:49 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on November 21, 2014, 05:25:10 PM
Quote from: Tank on November 21, 2014, 03:36:49 PM
What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.
Then what do you call a handcuffed man who also happens to be an experienced liar?

A married man, at a Holiday Inn.

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant
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