Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Crow]

My wife and her friend were having a conversation about how useless men are when my wife said, "They can't do two things at once."

At this, I interrupted and said, "Actually I can!"

"Give me an example," she replied.

"Well, while I was fucking you last night, I was thinking about your friend."

[Guardian85]

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit that he really was."

[Icarus]

That's right Mags, 14 bananas 

[Dobermonster]

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy,
But Jack got a shock
and a mouthful of cock
'Cause Jill's real name was Randy.

You're welcome.

[Tank]

^^^ 

[Tank]

[Asmodean]

Yeah... Not that simple. Most self-respecting pads have a delayed turnoff function. If indeed that one had arms with hands dextrous enough to operate a lighter, it could torch that book silly in the time the power button had to be pressed to turn it off.

[Crow]

Yeah... Not that simple. Most self-respecting pads have a delayed turnoff function. If indeed that one had arms with hands dextrous enough to operate a lighter, it could torch that book silly in the time the power button had to be pressed to turn it off.

It's the James Bond villain mistake. Don't talk about it just do it.

[Asmodean]

My point is still valid. You can talk about torching stuff before doing so when your off switch has a timer. Also, what I've seen of James Bond is silly.

[Icarus]

Dober that was naughty 

[Guardian85]

A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."

[Magdalena]

^^^
I like that one. 

[joeactor]

I like it... but "miss spell" is misspelled  ;-)

[Dobermonster]

[Tank]