Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Michael1]

God once tried atheism, but he didn't believe in it. 

[Icarus]

Git that evil little dog appears to be a Shetland Sheep Dog, a Sheltie. I think that he is of Scottish breeding. Does that cartoon have any implications for todays Scottish vote?

For what it's worth that breed is renowned for its intelligence and admirable work ethic.

[OldGit]

Git that evil little dog appears to be a Shetland Sheep Dog, a Sheltie. I think that he is of Scottish breeding. Does that cartoon have any implications for todays Scottish vote?

Not for a normal person.  For a journalist, probably - there's nothing they can't drag into this story.

[Pasta Chick]

Cyanide and Happiness is its own fucked up world.  Pretty sure it's supposed to be Lassie. 

[Magdalena]

When Crow said, " A simple math equation," it got me thinking...

[Asmodean]

Own damned fault for making the infinity sigh too like a sideways 8. 

[OldGit]

[Icarus]

Mags; Math hounds like me love jokes like that one.   

Satan can go to hell cause math can be good fun.

That set of test results could have been from one of my students.

[Pasta Chick]

[Guardian85]

Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?" Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."

[Magdalena]

^ ^ ^
Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."  ???
Oh! I get it! 

[Magdalena]

Mags; Math hounds like me love jokes like that one.   

Satan can go to hell cause math can be good fun.

That set of test results could have been from one of my students.

I also like math jokes.
When my son was in fifth grade, he had to write a word problem to this equation: 3x − 7 = 35. He asked me if what he wrote sounded correct:
"I ate 35 bananas in the morning, in the afternoon, I ate 7 less than 3 times what I ate in the morning, how many bananas did I eat?

I answered, "Yes, that sounds correct, and the answer is: Enough to get diarrhea right before you go to bed, isn't it?"
We were laughing so hard. 

The answer is 14 bananas. Right, Icarus?  ??? 

[Tank]

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?


A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

[Magdalena]

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

[Tom62]

Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?
A: She fits into your wife's clothes.