Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Dobermonster]

It's for medical procedures where kids have to stay really still, like for an MRI.

[Crow]

What's the difference between pimples and a catholic priest?

Pimples don't come on a boys face until they are 13.

[Essie Mae]

What's the difference between pimples and a catholic priest?

Pimples don't come on a boys face until they are 13.

I didn't want to laugh at this but I did anyway.

[Guardian85]

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon. "Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off!" "What's the rush?" his mate asked. "The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

[jumbojak]

[OldGit]

[Tank]

[Guardian85]

[Pasta Chick]

I'm feeling topical:

Supreme Court Upholds Little Caeser's Right To Feed Christian Employees To Lions

WASHINGTON, DC–The Supreme Court ruled on Monday that Roman-owned
pizza chain Little Caesar's was within its rights to place Christian employees in an arena and then unleash starved, vicious lions and lionesses upon them. The court cited religious freedom as its guiding principle. The 5-to-4 ruling opened the door to potentially thousands of Christian Little Caesar employees nationwide being immediately fed to the top predators of the African savannah.

Little Caesar's argued that the persecution of Christians and the feeding of them to ravenous big cats was a "deeply held" religious belief, that the continued survival of the roughly 6,000 Christian employees, as well as the fact that they remained on company payroll, imposed a "substantial financial burden" on their religious liberty.

The 5 conservative Justices agreed. Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr, the author of the majority opinion, wrote:

    while it is debatable that some harm may come to any Christians fed to a lion or lioness, there is certainly demonstrable harm being done to these animals that are denied the tasty, nutrient-rich Christians that their diet requires

A Christian employee of the company, Ed Broyles, expressed dismay at the decision. "They're gonna fuckin' feed me to a motherfucking lion? But I only ever go to church on like Easter!", he said, shaking visibly and sweating. "Jesus H Christ on a cracker, I've got a fucking family!"

Little Caesar owner and CEO, Little Caesar himself, applauded the ruling. When asked how soon his company would begin killing off its Christian employees he responded, "Carpe Diem."

[Davin]

Haha, then there is also this one.

[Tank]

[Pasta Chick]

Gah, they're everywhere! And each so amusing in its own way...

Supreme Court Rules JCPenney Allowed To Sacrifice Employees To Appease Cthulhu

[joeactor]

Gah, they're everywhere! And each so amusing in its own way...

Supreme Court Rules JCPenney Allowed To Sacrifice Employees To Appease Cthulhu

Love it! Shared!

[Pasta Chick]

...I'm also following Literal Bible Man now.  Because Cage Fighting Jesus simply does not update enough to meet my needs.

[jumbojak]

This isn't a joke, it actually happened today at work. Does anybody remember the fried chicken and watermelon salad I said would get me called a racist? Well, it wasn't me, but somebody else was trying to sell it to a black couple today (bizarre targets) and, without missing a beat, the guy looked at the waitress and asked if it came with a grape soda vinegarette!

I love on the spot humour like that. It really brightens up what would be a boring day. If I had been drinking something it would've shot right out of my nose.