Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Guardian85]

Little old lady who?

[Biggus Dickus]

Little old lady who?

Who knew you could yodel?! Nice job!

[Guardian85]

[Magdalena]

This is how that joke began...and how it ended.

[Marvin]

Elegant

[OldGit]

If Shakespeare had written The Hokey Pokey

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin;
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it is all about.

[Tank]

Love that ^^^

[joeactor]

If Shakespeare had written The Hokey Pokey

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin;
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it is all about.

Super! Reposted elsewhere!

[Tank]

If Shakespeare had written The Hokey Pokey

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin;
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it is all about.

Super! Reposted elsewhere!

Ditto 

[Icarus]

Smashing Git. Did you compose that jewel of translation?  I do believe that it is well within your considerable capacity to invent humorous parodies of that sort.

[OldGit]

Smashing Git. Did you compose that jewel of translation?  I do believe that it is well within your considerable capacity to invent humorous parodies of that sort.

Thanks for the compliment, Icarus, but I stole it off Facebook. 

[Tank]

Smashing Git. Did you compose that jewel of translation?  I do believe that it is well within your considerable capacity to invent humorous parodies of that sort.

Thanks for the compliment, Icarus, but I stole it off Facebook. 

And I immediately gave it back 

[Tank]

[OldGit]

This letter was sent to the Broken Hill High School Principal's office in Broken Hill, outback Australia after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors.
An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind.  Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today...

Dear Broken Hill High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful wireless I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the St Annes Nursing Home for the Aged. 
All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own wireless; but, she would never let me listen to it.
She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her wireless fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

[Essie Mae]

This story is a credit to all humankind.  Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today...


She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

LOL. Your comment about the storyngiving a lift led me right down the garden path.