Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Tank]

That blood sausage sounds like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_pudding which I don't mind but don't eat often as it's loaded with fat. How did your paternal family end up in the USA?

[Biggus Dickus]

Black Pudding looks about the same, and I'm familiar with it. A gentleman I knew years ago ran a pub in Savannah, Georgia. He was from your neck of the woods. I spent a lot of time in his pub, and food and beer were among our favorite topics.

Not sure as to why they ended up here, as we don't know much about them especially my Grandfather. Sad really, although I did discover a number of documents recently for the two of them, hidden away in an old cigar tin. Need to have someone translate them for me.

[joeactor]

Bruno: I grew up in a mostly Polish neighborhood in Ohio. Love kielbasa and pirogi. (tho I'm Lebanese)

Also heard a lot of "I lost my kielbasa down the sewer" and "Who stole the keeshka?" ;-)

http://youtu.be/0V4EkaCeTas?t=19s

[Ecurb Noselrub]

Black Pudding looks about the same, and I'm familiar with it. A gentleman I knew years ago ran a pub in Savannah, Georgia.

Was it the Six Pence Pub?  I like that place.

[Biggus Dickus]

Black Pudding looks about the same, and I'm familiar with it. A gentleman I knew years ago ran a pub in Savannah, Georgia.

Was it the Six Pence Pub?  I like that place.

No, the place is no longer there, closed some time ago, and I can't for the life of me remember the name. Lovely city though, has changed a lot. Much more touristy now than it used to be.

[Pasta Chick]

You guys are turning the jokes thread into a total sausage fest 





(Ba-doom cha!)

[OldGit]

OK, here's some silly newspaper headlines instead:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[Magdalena]

^ ^ ^  That's hillarious, your posts make me laugh every time. 

[Pasta Chick]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Obviously, atheists have been saying that foreva...

[Kody]

OK, here's some silly newspaper headlines instead:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

^My favorites, though all of them were good.

[Magdalena]

[Ecurb Noselrub]

Here are some from church bulletins or newsletters - if you never attended a church some won't make any sense:

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Don't let worry kill you off – let the church help.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

[Magdalena]

  This is so funny! Even my ten year old son was laughing as he read them. He particularly liked this one: Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Where do you guys get this stuff? 

[Tank]

They're all good, but this one particularly made me laugh.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

[OldGit]

Those are particularly good.