Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Pasta Chick]

[OldGit]

I think it's about Marvin.

[Marvin]

I think it's about Marvin.

It clearly says human is the clockwork terrible monster, with witch I agree. It then expresses some undeniably human fuckupedness, I don't see what I have to do with it.

[Magdalena]

[Icarus]

^ How true Magdalena.

[Magdalena]

 ^ ^ For people our age.  
My ten year old didn't get it, I had to explain it.

[Tank]

[Magdalena]

[Guardian85]

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

[Magdalena]

[Biggus Dickus]

So this man walks into a bar and orders himself three pints of beer, he then takes his three beers and sits down a nearby table and begins to drink. When he finishes the three he goes back up to the bar and orders three more, and after finishing those three he ends up leaving the bar for the night.

This occurs in the same bar several times a week, with the same man always ordering three beers at a time. After a couple weeks of this the bartender asks the man why he always orders three beers at one time, and even tells the man that either him or one of the bar maids would be happy to bring him more beer when he needs one and that it's not necessary to always feel the need to order three.

The man tells the bartender that he always orders three beers when he drinks on account of his two brothers. You see the three brothers grew up in Ireland, but hard times and lack of jobs forced two of the brothers to have to emigrate, while the third stayed in Ireland and worked the farm. Not knowing if they three of them would ever be together again they made a vow to always have a beer for each brother when drinking, which explained why this gentleman always ordered three beers.

Time went on and the man soon became a favorite in the bar with the other regulars, as he would often tell wonderful stories about his life growing up in Ireland along with his two wonderful brothers.

Then one day he walks into the bar and tells the bartender to give him two pints of beer instead of the usual three. Well, as you can imagine the bar grows silent while this is overheard.
As the bartender slides the two beers across the bar he asks him if something tragic has happened to one of his two dear brothers, as he noticed he only ordered two beers instead of the normal three. The man looks at the bartender, and then also notices that every ear in the bar is on him and realizes what is running through all of their minds at the moment and replies, "Ah no, both of me dear brothers is fine, and thank ye all for your concern. It's me doncha know, I've given up drinking for lent"!

[Tank]

 

Do you have any Irish ancestry that you know of?

[Biggus Dickus]

Do you have any Irish ancestry that you know of?

No, not that I'm aware of. Mostly Polish and German.

[Tank]

Do you have any Irish ancestry that you know of?

No, not that I'm aware of. Mostly Polish and German.

You should know your sausages then! I'm in England and we've recently have quite a few Polish people move here. One upside is the supermarkets have improved their ranges of Polish cold meat products; and they are bloody brilliant!

[Biggus Dickus]

Do you have any Irish ancestry that you know of?

No, not that I'm aware of. Mostly Polish and German.

You should know your sausages then! I'm in England and we've recently have quite a few Polish people move here. One upside is the supermarkets have improved their ranges of Polish cold meat products; and they are bloody brilliant!

I do have a certain fondness for both fresh and smoked Kielbasa, these were a staple in the home growing up, and even though I don't celebrate or observe easter I do plan on picking some up later this month. I live outside Detroit, MI and we have a fairly large Polish population here, so it is still possible to get a hold of some good quality sausages!

My paternal grandparents were both from Poland, but both passed away before I was born; fortunately, my Mother, although primarily German would prepare us many Polish dishes she learned from her Mother-in-Law, such as stuff cabbage, sauerkraut!
One other such dish was the for the Polish Blood Sausage called "Kiszka", even now, years later I cringe at the thought of it. Everyone else in the family loved it, my Father adored it.
My parents insisted we eat everything on our plate, and we had to sit there at the table until everything was gone. I hated Kiszka, I would sit for hours slowly trying to eat this, smothering it with ketchup (Which now I hate as well) trying to disguise the taste, tears streaming down my face.
Horrible stuff, that Kiszka, yech:(
When my children were small, and we would eat over at my mother's home she would prepare them foods separate from the adults if she didn't think they would like it, and I would tease her and say, "Hey, where's the woman who used to force me to eat Kiska when I was a child"?  She denied ever making me eat it, and thought my relating it to a form of child abuse as horrible. She also made me eat head cheese which is a whole other yucky thing.