Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Essie Mae]

This thread is better than medicine.

[Tank]

Just made my laugh.

[Pasta Chick]

For All You Cat Lovers

I'm just ignoring the two or three who are being complete douches to their animals.  The rest is too funny.

And for the Asmo, there is a rattie, too.

[Tank]

Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout, "Hi Jack!"

[Tank]

[OldGit]

Anybody seen this site before?

[OldGit]

I was in a relationship with this girl when she told me,

"I did not want to scare you off by telling you this but it's only right you should know. I was married and I run away from my husband because of the constant beatings, I could never endure that again."

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about with me," I replied, "I have no intention of marrying you."

[Asmodean]

Ha! 

[Icarus]

Anybody seen this site before?

OG I am concerned about you. How do you find such outlandishly deranged sites?  Aside from that you are one of my most admired and respected heathens........well even if you do find WTF sites. 

[OldGit]

I came across a link to it, but I can't remember where.

[Tank]

[joeactor]

[En_Route]

the professor of string theoy is gfound in bed with one of his students by his wife when she returns home early."Please stay calm, darling "says the professor "I can explain everything" .

[Asmodean]

Ha! 

[OldGit]

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest.  After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the man.  "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"  With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing and prodding, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark".

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.  The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk.  "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!" 

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan....