Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Kody]

I always knew he was full of shit...

[Magdalena]

[Magdalena]

I found another theory. 

[Icarus]

Love it Magdalena. That reminds me of me when I am having one of my all day senior moments. I miss many appointments  when in that condition. 

[Magdalena]

Love it Magdalena. That reminds me of me when I am having one of my all day senior moments. I miss many appointments  when in that condition. 

I'm sure those 'all day senior moments' aren't often.
...But for those moments, this one is for you Icarus:

Three old women are talking about the bad things that come with getting old.

The first one says, "My memory is really bad, the other day I was at the bottom of the stairs and I couldn't remember if I had just come down or if I had to go up."

The second one says, "That's nothing, the other day, I opened the fridge door and I couldn't remember if I had just put something in or if I had to take something out."

The third one says, "I'm so glad I don't have any memory problems, (and she knocks on wood three times) then she says, "Oh, there's someone at the door!"

[Pasta Chick]

[Tank]

[Tank]

[Davin]

My favourite line!

[Pasta Chick]

Mine too!  It should only be open to current or former cashiers, though.  Some people just can not figure that shit out.

[Ihateyoumike]

This one's for asmo.

[Tank]

That's definitely one for the Argggggg!!! thread!

[Guardian85]

On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of 100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's 7000." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's 7500." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!"
The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands, sahr!"

[Asmodean]

That's definitely one for the Argggggg!!! thread!

It's just a vagina cake...  ???

[Magdalena]

That's definitely one for the Argggggg!!! thread!

It's just a vagina cake...  ???

It's actually a vulva cake.