Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[MariaEvri]

Im gonna find the man/team who invented autocorrect and give him an award. Those things are endless fun

[Claireliontamer]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

[Ihateyoumike]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

Is that what it was supposed to be? I was wondering myself what word anus was replacing. I thought attic, but that didn't seem right.

[Tank]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

Attic

[Claireliontamer]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

Attic

still, doesn't matter how haphazardly I type attic into my phone,  I don't get anus.

[Tank]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

Attic

still, doesn't matter how haphazardly I type attic into my phone,  I don't get anus.

Damn 

[Dobermonster]

It's formulated based in what words you use the most. Clearly you don't include enough anus talk in your conversations.

[Claireliontamer]

It's formulated based in what words you use the most. Clearly you don't include enough anus talk in your conversations.

This is obviously where I'm going wrong in life!

[Pasta Chick]

My favorite autocorrect fail ever was when a friend of mine texted me from a vet's office to say that her 15-year-old dogs was just fine, he had just needed an enigma. 

Turns out he had needed an enema, thus marking the first time autocorrect ever made a text less dirty and still failed massively. 

[MariaEvri]

Most of these auto correct things must be made up. How do you get anus from house?

Attic

still, doesn't matter how haphazardly I type attic into my phone,  I don't get anus.

from what I undrestood, autocorrect uses words you commonly use

[Tank]

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?' Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'

[Pasta Chick]

[Tank]

[Guardian85]

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
President Clinton: "No problem."
Pope: "Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."
President Clinton: "Why's that? It's not that great."
Pope: "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
President Clinton: "Sorry, Your Holiness, You're a day late."

[catmandeux]

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