Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[OldGit]

Croquet.

[Tom62]

I prefer the Dutch croquette  .

[Amicale]

[OldGit]

Australian Telephone Operator:     "G'day mate, Helpline here. What's the problem?"

Caller:         "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's  been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

Australian Telephone Operator:       "Bummer!"

Caller:         "Great advice! Thanks mate, 'bye.
 

[Asmodean]

YES! The world needs to get its head out of its ass and realize that The Fox is a terribad song.

[OldGit]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Black Pepper."

[Pasta Chick]

YES! The world needs to get its head out of its ass and realize that The Fox is a terribad song.

Pretty sure the world is fully aware it's not a good song.

[Buddy]

YES! The world needs to get its head out of its ass and realize that The Fox is a terribad song.

Pretty sure the world is fully aware it's not a good song.

I like it.

[Pasta Chick]

YES! The world needs to get its head out of its ass and realize that The Fox is a terribad song.

Pretty sure the world is fully aware it's not a good song.

I like it.

I do too, especially considering my Fox dog, but I don't think it's good music.  Bizarre for the sake of being bizarre + simple, generic dance music usually = super popular fad. 

[Amicale]

YES! The world needs to get its head out of its ass and realize that The Fox is a terribad song.

Pretty sure the world is fully aware it's not a good song.

I like it.

I do too, especially considering my Fox dog, but I don't think it's good music.  Bizarre for the sake of being bizarre + simple, generic dance music usually = super popular fad. 

Didn't post the picture to spark a debate.  Posted it because it looks like a song Grumpy Cat would not enjoy, and I'm a fan of Grumpy Cat. As for the song, it's one of those earworms that doesn't leave your head... until you listen to one of their other songs, like The Cabin or Stonehenge, which are equally ear-worms and equally bizarre. 

[Asmodean]

See? You see?! They like it! 

[Tank]

[Tank]

[Buddy]

[OldGit]

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:   When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."