Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Buddy]

I love it. They should keep it.

[Pasta Chick]

They should at least give the posters they won't use to the fan who did the artwork.

[Pasta Chick]

[OldGit]

^ That cannot be serious.  No way! 

[jumbojak]

^ That cannot be serious.  No way! 

I believe it.

[WechtleinUns]

Normally, I'd be right on board with making fun of Joel Osteen, but I can't get on this train. There's nothing really, to my ears, at least, sexually suggestive about the tweet. I think it's more like the rest of the internet community has their collective brains in the gutter. Then again, with a face like that, who wouldn't think of sexual activities! Rwawr!

* * *

A man calls up the unemployment office in a recession and asks for a job. The person on the line asks his major.

"Art."

"So what? You and 10,000 others." Click.

The next day, another man calls up the unemployement office and asks for a job. The person on the line asks for his major.

"English."

"So what? You and a hundred others." Click.

The third day, someone else calls up the unemployment office and asks for a job. The person on the line asks for his major.

"I majored in atmospheric engineering, mathematics, and network systems design."

"So what? You and 3 others." Click.

[Icarus]

O'steen, in his innocence, did not know that he was setting himelf up for snickers from sharp witted people like us. 

[Tank]

[Amicale]

[OldGit]

A guy goes to  the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at  him.
 
She says,  'Hello.'

He's rather  taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So  he asks,  'Do you know me?'
   
To which she  replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my  kids.'
   
Now his mind  travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his  wife.
   
So he asks,  'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool  table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
 
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's  teacher.'

[WechtleinUns]

I love that one so much, OldGit. It makes me chuckle every time.

A computer programmer is sitting on a train with his supervisor. Across from them are a lovely young lady and her grandmother. All of a sudden, the train goes through a tunnel, and the passengers are shrouded in darkness. Everyone hears a loud kiss, and then a slap.

When the train comes back out into the light, the grandmother thinks to herself: "The nerve of that young man to kiss my grandaughter. I'm glad she slapped him."

The supervisor thinks to himself: "I didn't think the boy had it in him. But I wish the girl hadn't missed."

The young lady thinks to herself: "I'm glad he kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn't slapped him."

And the computer programmers thinks to himself: "It's a lucky day! Not only do I get to kiss a beautiful young woman, but I get to slap my supervisor, too!"

[Tank]

2 good giggles there.

[Icarus]

Young woman took golfing lessons from the club pro.
On her first golf outing she was stung by a bee.
It was so painful that she went back to the clubhouse, hopeful of some relief of pain.
The club pro saw her and asked why she was back so early.
She said she had been stung by a bee
The pro said where?
She said between the first and second hole.
The pro said you had your legs too far apart.

[Tank]

When printing goes wrong.

[joeactor]

When printing goes wrong.

Hah!

Not much kerning humor out there...