Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Icarus]

PC and you other naysayers, just you come to Florida and I will personally show you that it is indeed a very pleasing place to live or retire.  Just don't retire in the burbs of Miami or Orlando, or one of our other evil cities and you will have found your Nirvana.

For PC, we also have a bunch of very active areas for Flyball, Agility, Obedience, Tracking, SAR, Conformation, and other doggie stuff. Not only that we have canine fun year round cause we have very few snowstorms, almost never any sleet or glare ice. We actually have indoor plumbing, Telephones, news papers, civic centers, Broadway shows, Ballet, Symphony orchestras, and lots of other civilized stuff.

New Jerseys armpit is confined to the likes of Newark, Union City, Jersey City, and a few other seats of criminal happiness.  Get out of those places and find NJ deserving of its nickname; The Garden State.  And all the NJ citizens do not talk like the people on the TV series; Jersey Shore.  Princeton and Rutgers are in NJ. That ought to provide some assurance that they ain't all dumb asses.

Every state has its scuzzy places, even Nebraska. Almost every one of them have redeeming features that more than compensate for the ugly bits. There is actually a small town in Mississippi whose name is; Learned. It is not true that all the Mississipi, Alabama, or West Virginia people are hopelessly illiterate hill billies.

End of rant that defends our state and national pride.

P.S. I cannot, in good conscience, defend our political malfeasances but I hasten to defend our geography and social structures.

[Amicale]

Look! I found a little Asmo-in-the-making!

[Tank]

Look! I found a little Asmo-in-the-making!

[Amicale]

And another one.   I love Tina Fey.

Here, she's talking about her young daughter:

[Asmodean]

Look! I found a little Asmo-in-the-making!

And look what He got for His trouble! Nasty eggs..! Probably not even fertilized, so technically NOT the unborn. 

[Pasta Chick]

PC and you other naysayers, just you come to Florida and I will personally show you that it is indeed a very pleasing place to live or retire.  Just don't retire in the burbs of Miami or Orlando, or one of our other evil cities and you will have found your Nirvana.

For PC, we also have a bunch of very active areas for Flyball, Agility, Obedience, Tracking, SAR, Conformation, and other doggie stuff. Not only that we have canine fun year round cause we have very few snowstorms, almost never any sleet or glare ice. We actually have indoor plumbing, Telephones, news papers, civic centers, Broadway shows, Ballet, Symphony orchestras, and lots of other civilized stuff.

New Jerseys armpit is confined to the likes of Newark, Union City, Jersey City, and a few other seats of criminal happiness.  Get out of those places and find NJ deserving of its nickname; The Garden State.  And all the NJ citizens do not talk like the people on the TV series; Jersey Shore.  Princeton and Rutgers are in NJ. That ought to provide some assurance that they ain't all dumb asses.

Every state has its scuzzy places, even Nebraska. Almost every one of them have redeeming features that more than compensate for the ugly bits. There is actually a small town in Mississippi whose name is; Learned. It is not true that all the Mississipi, Alabama, or West Virginia people are hopelessly illiterate hill billies.

End of rant that defends our state and national pride.

P.S. I cannot, in good conscience, defend our political malfeasances but I hasten to defend our geography and social structures.

I've been to and through Florida many times.  Absolutely can not stand the place.  It may not snow - not that I consider a perk anyway - but the heat and humidity (and bugs the size of your foot) are so intolerable everyone who can afford to leaves all summer for places like New England.  There's stuff to do - if you don't keel over from heatstroke in the process. 

There are some scary issues that have arisen from the push to retire in Florida.  This article touches on some.

Plus that whole "they don't really talk like that!" thing always turns out to be city folks with wounded pride.  Drive an hour out of the twin cities and everyone sounds like they're in the movie Fargo, no matter what MSP residents say.

[Tank]

[Icarus]

Dammit PC you are a hard case. That's one of the reasons I like you. I respect sassy women.

That said; The two hottest most inhumanely debilitating places I have even been are: Laconia New Hampshire and Fargo North Dakota. In both those places people were falling out from heatstroke. In contrast, we rarely have heatstroke patients here in bugland.  Besides....You exaggerated, almost none of our bugs measure more than six inches long and only half of them are venomous.

And as for the Fargo speak, those people are almost always found in the panhandle areas nearest Alabama. Don't pick on our disadvantaged speakers. (kettle to the pot) Your denizens of Back Bay, Hyannisport, Marthas Vineyard, and elsewhere talk funny too. They are known to "paak the caaah" and other quaint pronunciations. My sister in law lives in Fitchburg and she buys seltzer rather than Coca Cola, frappes instead of milk shakes, grinders instead of subs, and all that sort of thing.

Just funnin' ya.    

P.S. I lived in Connecticut for several years. My deceased wife was a Connecticut Yankee and I loved her far more than dearly.  Even though she talked funny she was the queen of the universe in my mind and heart.

[Pasta Chick]

I have small feet.

[Tank]

[Tank]

[Tank]

There are another 21 here http://www.viralnova.com/23-disaster-pictures/

[Tank]

This ISN'T a joke!
It's a real training aid!

[OldGit]

Ouch!

[Pasta Chick]

Chinese Movie Theater Uses "Thor" Fan Poster By Mistake