Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Amicale]

LOL! That's a good one Tank. Here's another Canadian one - it would be funny if it wasn't so accurate it's scary. 

[xSilverPhinx]

LOL!

[OldGit]

Nineteen Irishmen go to the cinema; the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

[Icarus]

Pelican swoops down and scoops up a frog. He promptly swallows the frog. Pelican is flying along and frog yells up and asks; how high are we flying? Pelican says; about 600 feet. Frog says; you wouldnt shit me would ya?

[Pasta Chick]

[Tom62]

Billy Graham's Faith Healing Show is visiting Amsterdam. During the show a man shouts from the audience: "I can walk! I can walk! Billy Graham shouts back "Halleluja, did the Lord cure you?". "No" , said the man, "A SOB has stolen my bike".

[Tank]

Billy Graham's Faith Healing Show is visiting Amsterdam. During the show a man shouts from the audience: "I can walk! I can walk! Billy Graham shouts back "Halleluja, did the Lord cure you?". "No" , said the man, "A SOB has stolen my bike".

Well that's no problem all he'd need would be a universal key (a pair of blot cutters) to steal somebody else's!

[OldGit]

Billy Graham's Faith Healing Show is visiting Amsterdam. During the show a man shouts from the audience: "I can walk! I can walk! Billy Graham shouts back "Halleluja, did the Lord cure you?". "No" , said the man, "A SOB has stolen my bike".

[Icarus]

The musician at a piano bar often brought his small dog to work. On one occassion the dog jumped onto the bar and walked down to a particular customer who was having a gin and tonic. The dog hiked his leg and hosed down the G&T. The customer approached the piano player and said, angrily,: do you know your dog pissed in my gin?  Piano guy says: no, but hum a few bars and I will try to pick up the tune.

[MariaEvri]

old news but still

http://i333.photobucket.com/albums/m394/Poseidon_Simons/go-away_zps6ca93f6f.jpeg

[OldGit]

^ lol


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

[Tank]

[Crow]

A woman visits her doctor complaining of a strange feeling in her lower stomach. The doctor examines her and states;
"Well, I can tell you that you'll need to be buying lots of nappies in about nine months time."
"Am I pregnant? That is wonderful news."
"No, you have bowel cancer."

[Pasta Chick]

Inertia 101:  Granite blocks do not have breaks.

[Icarus]

^ breaks....brakes.  Different deal altogether. (did I spell altogether correctly?)

Sorry about being a spelling geek. You can bust me the next time I mess up a spelling. There will be a next time when I do it wrong, Maybe I already did.