Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[OldGit]

I thought it was a cute joke.

Thank you, friend.

[Magdalena]

One for Asmo:

[Niya]

[Asmodean]

One for Asmo:

YES! By the Power of Asmo, the rattie emerges victorious 

[jumbojak]

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. The first orders a beer, the second orders a half of a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth order an eighth of a beer, etc. After ten or so place their orders the bartender heads to the tap, pours two full beers and passes them across before telling the crowd of nerds they need to know their limits.

Maybe I'm weird but....

[Amicale]

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. The first orders a beer, the second orders a half of a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth order an eighth of a beer, etc. After ten or so place their orders the bartender heads to the tap, pours two full beers and passes them across before telling the crowd of nerds they need to know their limits.

Maybe I'm weird but....

That was cute! I should totally convince my math-nerd friend to go out and do that with me the next time we go grab a drink of something somewhere. Maybe we'll even throw decimals in. "I'd like 0.5 coffees, please!" "I'll take half a coffee, please!" - and then see if they can figure it out.

[Amicale]

 A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered: "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
   
Several days later, he received an email from  his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

[jumbojak]

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. The first orders a beer, the second orders a half of a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth order an eighth of a beer, etc. After ten or so place their orders the bartender heads to the tap, pours two full beers and passes them across before telling the crowd of nerds they need to know their limits.

Maybe I'm weird but....

That was cute! I should totally convince my math-nerd friend to go out and do that with me the next time we go grab a drink of something somewhere. Maybe we'll even throw decimals in. "I'd like 0.5 coffees, please!" "I'll take half a coffee, please!" - and then see if they can figure it out.

Ah, but you will need infinitely many friends for full effect!

[Niya]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered: "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
   
Several days later, he received an email from  his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow...
Love,
Mom.

lol...good one. 

[Siz]

What's red and white and screams?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

[Niya]

What's red and white and screams?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

[Amicale]

What's red and white and screams?

A drunk Canadian wearing nothing more than a flag over his head at a hockey game.

[Tank]

What's red and white and screams?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

What is pink and turns read at the flick of a switch?
A baby in a blender.

[Siz]

What's red and white and screams?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

What is pink and turns read at the flick of a switch?
A baby in a blender.

What's silver and red and walks into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.

[Tank]