Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Icarus]

^^ That one is sweet Claire. I heartily approve of the photographers keen sense of irony.

[OldGit]

Good one, Claire!


The Medium

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

[Claireliontamer]

[Icarus]

^^ Does this have anything to do with the  joke that was posted a while back? It was about the arabs use of  condoms. It took them 200 years to figure out that they could remove the condom from the goat before use.................Hey, that was not my joke, it was someone else's.

[OldGit]

[Claireliontamer]

[OldGit]

^ That's all too realistic, I'm afraid.   

[Tank]

[MariaEvri]

as someone who loves my camera I have to say

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Tank]

[Amicale]

[Tank]

^^^ LOL!

[Pasta Chick]

A man is trapped in his home by rising flood waters.  He watches from the main floor as the water creeps over the floor of his car, and fills his basement.  A neighbor comes by in a row boat.
"Hop in!" the neighbor calls, "I can get you to the evac station!"
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me."
The neighbor shrugs and rows on by to safety.  Soon the man is forced onto the second floor of his home by the ever rising water.  After some time, a stranger comes by in a motor boat.
"Hey, climb onto the window sill and I'll help you into my boat," the stranger says.
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me."
The stranger shrugs and moves on to safety.  The water continues to rise and eventually the man is forced on to his roof, when a helicopter scouting the area spots him and drops a rope.
"Tie the rope around your waist and we'll hoist you up!" a woman calls.
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me." 
The helicopter crew have no time to argue, and move on to save others.  The water overtakes the man's house and he drowns.  He reaches the Pearly Gates and stands before the judgement of God.
"My Lord," he begins meekly, "I do not understand.  I put all my faith in you to save me, yet you did not."
"Well," God replies, "I sent two boats and a helicopter.  What more did you want?"

[Amicale]

A man is trapped in his home by rising flood waters.  He watches from the main floor as the water creeps over the floor of his car, and fills his basement.  A neighbor comes by in a row boat.
"Hop in!" the neighbor calls, "I can get you to the evac station!"
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me."
The neighbor shrugs and rows on by to safety.  Soon the man is forced onto the second floor of his home by the ever rising water.  After some time, a stranger comes by in a motor boat.
"Hey, climb onto the window sill and I'll help you into my boat," the stranger says.
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me."
The stranger shrugs and moves on to safety.  The water continues to rise and eventually the man is forced on to his roof, when a helicopter scouting the area spots him and drops a rope.
"Tie the rope around your waist and we'll hoist you up!" a woman calls.
"No thank you," the man replies.  "I have faith that God will save me." 
The helicopter crew have no time to argue, and move on to save others.  The water overtakes the man's house and he drowns.  He reaches the Pearly Gates and stands before the judgement of God.
"My Lord," he begins meekly, "I do not understand.  I put all my faith in you to save me, yet you did not."
"Well," God replies, "I sent two boats and a helicopter.  What more did you want?"

Oddly enough, this was one of my favourite jokes when I was a Christian! I never understood the people who went on 'faith alone' for help, and didn't see the help that was right in front of their noses.

[Tank]