I hate being new...hope this hasn't already gone around.

[a_jaynepayne]

So seriously, how do I nicely let the Mormon missionaries and JW know that I don't want them around?  I was raised LDS (mormon) and so my gramps ratted me out and gave the church up here my addy.  I have a crowding suspicion that if I tell the LDS guys i'm atheist they're going to take it as like an f-n sign or something that they really need to save my soul.  And that'll lead to them stalking me even more.  And the JW always send these cute little old ladies (DAMN!! DOUBLE DAMN!! Little old ladies, my one weakness.  Seriously I'd reveal the nation's secrets if they sent a little old lady to ask.)

I saw an episode of Roseanne once where she opened the door, saw who was standing there and said b4 the guy could say anything "I've already been saved!" and shut the door in his face.  

I think my freaky bloody corpse (halloween...i did't kill anyone) in the front yard kept the JWs away for a while but I guess god told them to bear through it and come a'knockin' anyway.

[Whitney]

What's so hard about saying "I understand your concern but I left the church for good reasons and would appreciate you leave me alone."  Those little old ladies wouldn't be so sweet anymore if they stayed after you asked so nicely that they leave.

When I was young and lived at home I'd tell the witnesses that mommy and daddy aren't home right now but they should try back in an hour;)  It was funny to watch my parents try to hide from being visible from the front door.

[Will]

I answer the door naked. Most are prudes and puritans, so they tend not to stick around. Also, it's hilarious counting the seconds before they remember to avert their eyes.

[a_jaynepayne]

my oldest is only six otherwise I'd try the mommy and daddy aren't home now...maybe...

I should just buck up and tell them I'm just not interested, but somehow I think those long winded sob's won't get it.  My husband tells me I should tell them to come on in and have a beer and maybe join him out in his shop ;-) for a while, he thinks that'll get 'em to leave.  I'm just a wuss I think.

[ryanvc76]

I simply ask them to leave and never come back.  Then I remind them that if they do come back, I will call the police and report a trespasser.

Sometimes I pretend to not understand them.  I'm in Germany, so I'll answer the door and let them start talking, then say in English "Sorry, I don't want to understand you".  Then they start over in English and I switch to Spanish, and so on.  They usually get frustrated and leave.

[Will]

"Sorry, I don't want to understand you"
HAHAHAHA.... that's awesome.

[SteveS]

Eh - sorry, can't help with this one.  I invited them in, and let them come back over and over again over several months until they finally said "we don't want to waste your time or ours".  They were relieved when I finally said "there's probably no point in coming back again" - I swear, I could actually see the mental relief in their faces.

This only works if you have the mentality and patience to keep arguing over dozens of hours and questioning every one of their little points.  My wife was not happy with me using this approach....

Of course the JWs I encountered had no personal reason to keep hounding me.  Sounds like you're in a tough spot.  Can you file for a restraining order against the church?  Might be fun to try.....

[rlrose328]

I keep a copy of the Scriptures according to the Flying Spaghetti Monster by the front door and I tell them HONESTLY that I'd LOVE to discuss their god with them if they discuss the FSM with me.  

I really DO like the "I don't want to understand you." line... I think I'll use that one... it's easier.

[Eclecticsaturn]

just do what i did once, tell them "i worship satan and he tells me to do really bad things to people like you so i suggest that you leave now." They didnt even try they just turned around and left without saying a word. It was great. lol.

[a_jaynepayne]

So apparently there is no nice way of going about this?  It's just that being raised LDS I know that these guys see their religion as a gift and they think they are divinely obligated to share this gift with everyone.  I'm thinking "I'VE ALREADY HAD IT SHARED WITH ME!!! I DON'T WANT IT!"  I remember being in church and hearing the missionaries talk about inactive members and they always took it as like a challenge from god or something to get them going back to church.  It's so stupid now that I think back on it all, everyone was all "Oh good job" - or - "good for you"  -or - "pray, make a macaroni necklace and then pray and go back with the necklace" well okay the last one not so much but close.  

The thing is I really think once you've truelly wrapped your brain around the fact that you don't believe in god there is absolutely noway you go back to believing it all.  It'd be like going back to an ex or something, the whole time you'd know in the back of your brain that it just wasn't right.  That you were just doing it to try to make yourself feel better.  No amount of reading the bible or book of mormon is going to change my mind.  EVER!!  

The reason I want to be polite is because I do have a sense of respect for them.  I mean it takes a lot of balls to go up to someone's door not knowing how they're going to react to you.  I know that they decide to do it to  themselves but still.  Especially a Mormon or JW because they've gotta be retarded not to know what people think of them and yet they're still out there pounding the pavement.    Crap now I'm just rambling, I'm kinda excited for them to come over the next time ya'll be the first to hear about it.

[MommaSquid]

I answer the door naked.

Good one!     Carry a shotgun while naked and I don't think the Mormons will come back.

Or you could just ignore their knocking.  There's no law that says you must answer your door.

[rlrose328]

So apparently there is no nice way of going about this?  It's just that being raised LDS I know that these guys see their religion as a gift and they think they are divinely obligated to share this gift with everyone.  I'm thinking "I'VE ALREADY HAD IT SHARED WITH ME!!! I DON'T WANT IT!"  

jayne, tell them honestly:

"Thank you for sharing your faith with me.  I appreciate your belief, honestly I do, but I don't share it.  Please understand that it's my choice to not believe and I don't want to discuss any more."

Be HONEST and forthright.  It's not their business to try to convert you.  But let them know that you don't judge them for their belief and ask that they respect you by doing the same.

Can you call the "home office" or whatever and have them remove your name from their files?  I don't know if that will cause you more problems or not, but it's worth a try.  

If you do all of that and they still bother you, threaten them with a restraining order.  SURELY they understand THAT.  (Not that you really would--or could--but perhaps that will make them understand you're serious.)  Divinely obligated or not, they must understand that LEGALLY, you don't have to entertain their religion or their discussion of same.

[ryanvc76]

The thing is I really think once you've truelly wrapped your brain around the fact that you don't believe in god there is absolutely noway you go back to believing it all.

Yeah, I keep trying to believe in Santa Claus again, but it's not working either...  The fat bastard never shows up!  

[SteveS]

Hmm.  The JWs I ran into (or, more accurately, that ran into me) were very polite - I would say they were "nice people".  We parted on friendly terms.  Interesting thing that came up - I asked them how many people gave them the time of day?  They said they have a lot better luck having long and friendly discussions with atheists and agnostics than they do with followers of other religions.

Now, why do you think that is?  :wink:

[rlrose328]

LOL!  Quite interesting.  I've had great discussions, nonjudgemental and all, with JWs and Mormons and they've told me the same thing.  I think they're nutjobs, but at least they're usually pretty respectful of my non-belief.