Well, my mom knows now...

[MinnesotaMike]

I was heading home from college for a weekend car show, and because I'm too cheap to pay for a parking pass I needed to get a ride. So my mom drives up, pops the boot, and I start loading my stuff. I toss in my bin, my laundry bag, my backpack with the "we have the fossils, we win" badge with the Darwin fish on it... SHIT

You know that thing women do, where they look right at something you don't want them to see, but way faster than should be physically possible? That happened.

It turns out I forgot to take that off before I went home. So naturally, it was the first thing brought up on the ride home. Please note that my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years was being given a lift home as well. She knows I'm an atheist, but knows that it is NOT something to be brought up around my family.

"So... where did you get that button?"
"Uh, the SCSU Secular Student Alliance?"
"So... who all is in that group?"
"Uh, humanists, free thinkers, agnostics, um, I think there's another one but I can't remember."
Girlfriend pipes up: "Atheists?"
Me (through gritted teeth): "Thanks Megan."
"That sounds interesting. It'd be cool to get everyone's views."

At this point, I'm a little confused. My mom went to a Christian university to get her degree in education. That one fact has terrified me for a while now. On the way home, we talk about some of the discussions we had in the group, and my beliefs (or lack thereof) were never brought up. I learned that my mom is completely tolerant of other beliefs and viewpoints, and that she acknowledges my dad isn't. In fact, she made the suggestion to "bring him in for show and tell."

We didn't discuss anything again until the way back up. She asked me how faith played into my beliefs, and I put it rather bluntly that it simply doesn't. I defined faith as believing in something without evidence or a good reason, and that it isn't reasonable to do so. This lead to the inevitable discussion on morality, and I absolutely schooled every challenge to my reasoning. Eventually it was time to give a definition of morality, and I told her there simply can't be an absolute morality, and that it is the perception of right and wrong to affect those around us (basically, selflessness usually encompasses the most moral actions). She began on saying that some things are always right and wrong, so I pitched her an old Buddhist story I remember from a while ago:

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk accross because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to a her lifted her in his arms and left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.
In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, "Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman?"
The elder monk answered "yes, brother."
Then the younger monk asks again, "but then Sir, how is that you lifted that woman on the roadside?"
The elder monk smiled at him and told him "I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her."

After I told the story, I said "That, to me, is morality."

She was silent for a full minute.

To be honest, I was afraid of discussing something that has divided so many families with one of my own parents. But the risk was definitely worth the reward: I achieved something I didn't think was possible. I had a rational discussion with a Christian. Mutual respect has been achieved, and if anything it has helped our relationship.

As a side note: I'm participating in an interfaith panel discussion with the Secular Student Alliance and a bunch of diverse religious groups on campus. We are attempting to find a mutual goal that all people (regardless of belief) can work and agree on. Depending on how the discussion goes, I might become a member of the SSA. Either way, I'll let you all know if we can find something we all agree on, free of controversy. Ha.

[Sweetdeath]

Cool story, Mike.  Seems things didn't go so bad, right? I'm glad she didnt explode on you.

Also, I want a button that says "we have the fossils, we win." Too xD

[Tank]

I soooo love Megan for pushing you over the edge! LOL

So there you go it turned out not to be too bad. Kudos to your Mum for keeping an adult head on her shoulders and now you have a ally, or at least a neutral party, to help with your Dad. It could really not have gone any better. Great news. 

[Xjeepguy]

I can only hope it goes that easily for me lol.

Sounds like your mother is a very level headed woman, good on her for that.

[Tank]

I can only hope it goes that easily for me lol.

Sounds like your mother is a very level headed woman, good on her for that.

You're 34 and still haven't told her!

[Asmodean]

Congratulations on not having to hide any more 

[Whitney]

good job on handling the conversation well and good job to your mom for being understanding.

Definitely join the SSA; they are starting (or have started) an SSA alum program that you'd be able to help with after graduating and in doing so help keep the momentum up across generations.

[xSilverPhinx]

Seems like it went well

I guess if you remain the person you always were and respect her beliefs, you shouldn't run into major problems about your lack of beliefs. She isn't the 'fire and brimstone' type?

IMO, conversations about morality and atheistic morality could go a long way...for people who believe, as most theists do, that god is the source of morals, or worse, that a belief in a god is necessary to be moral, that topic would be one of the biggest obstacles. 

[MinnesotaMike]

I soooo love Megan for pushing you over the edge! LOL

The real kicker is she didn't do it intentionally. I guess it's sort of a cultural thing here, but if we're trying not to say something we won't omit it completely, we'll replace it. You might be familiar with the famous "that's different" instead of "I don't like it" we tend to use. She was trying to be helpful but didn't realize I was purposefully walking around the word...

My mother and I have both agreed that it's best not to discuss it with my dad or anyone on his side of the family. Apparently my grandma on his side called my mom after we were baptized Presbyterian, talking about how she had condemned both us kids and our father to hell (contact damnation? Idk).

Here's the badge Sweet:



And as stated before, I'll keep you guys posted on the discussions tonight and what's going on in my life. Should be interesting, as I'm kind of a big deal.  

[Sweetdeath]

Aww, it's so cute~ <3

Sucks your grandma is onr of those annoying religious peeps who thinks baptizing does anything xDD

[Shy]

I like your story AND the button! Glad it went better than expected.

As a mother I gotta say...we know about our kids. Whether it's what we want to face or not, is in the air, but we know. 

[Tank]

Bump for update please Mike 

[MinnesotaMike]

Forgot to post the link, my bad lol

I started a different thread for the interfaith panel meeting, here's the link to what happened: http://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/index.php?topic=8277.0

[Tank]

That's not what I meant 

How's your family getting on with your new word view?

[MinnesotaMike]

Surprisingly no friction whatsoever. My mom is actually interested in hearing about Secular Student Alliance meetings and what my take is on social issues, politics, etc... I guess she enjoys a neutral opinion that's well thought out for a change. My dad is one of those people who takes Rush Limbaugh seriously (this guy: http://thinkprogress.org/green/2011/07/21/274859/limbaugh-the-killer-116-heat-index-is-manufactured-by-the-government/), so I'll leave it up to your imagination on how much she enjoys hearing his take on things lol