I'm not full-blooded New, I'm New-ish!

[Woody619]

Greetings all!

I have been having a tough time lately in regards to my beliefs. I have always felt disconnected from the whole religion thing. I always gravitated towards science, math, logic, and reasoning. My family was not particularly religious, but we would attend church every once in awhile. During these times, I felt like I didn't belong. I was young and had no concept of not believing, just a feeling of disconnection from everyone else. When I got older, I became active in religion because I thought spirituality was missing from my life. I was on my way to being confirmed into the Catholic Church. I still held onto my beliefs of science and found out that even the priest was sure of evolution and the big bang!

I would leave that endeavor and not touch it again until I was 23/24. This time I went through the whole shebang, I had my first communion and was confirmed. During this time, I actually felt connected to the universe, but still something didn't feel right. I felt my prayers went unheeded. Not so much that they went "unanswered" (I hate that term, I mean God could just be saying, "No"), but I felt no one was listening.

I began to stop going. I figured I would go "native" and find spirituality on my own. I mean, I had faith and was a good person who did good things, I couldn't be on any ethereal shit-list.

That is how it stayed for 5 years. My wife and I had been trying to have another child for 6 years and one day we were surprised to find out that we would have another child. Elated, I thanked God for the blessing. That was the last time I said anything to any deity.

I don't know what changed, but I think I no longer believe that there is a God. I will you spare you all the same reasons everyone else seems to have about how they came to be an atheist, but I do have one question: Did any of you, who used to believe, but now don't, have a tough time coming to terms with your atheism?

I don't feel dejected or forsaken, I don't think I am even in denial, I just have this weird "limbo" feeling. I figured when I shed the mythology I would feel liberated, but I feel just a little off.

Is this something normally what happens? I mean, I know there is an adjustment phase. I was just inquiring how you all dealt with it.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post, I wanted to give brief history while trying to hit some key points about my journey.

[The Magic Pudding]

I don't feel dejected or forsaken, I don't think I am even in denial, I just have this weird "limbo" feeling. I figured when I shed the mythology I would feel liberated, but I feel just a little off.

Is this something normally what happens? I mean, I know there is an adjustment phase. I was just inquiring how you all dealt with it.

Helloish

I don't want to be dead and no more, but it seems that will be my fate.
If I ever had an alternate view it might trouble me more than it does.
We are stardust, a continuation of the first life of earth, our meat will become worms, science is marvellous. 
These are nice thoughts but my impending contribution to the weight of worms gives little comfort.
I don't really dwell on it, just enjoy my people and the world while I can.

Arthur Dent: You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was.
Slartibartfast: Oh, no. That's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe has that.

[Tank]

Hi Woody

Never been a believer so I can't offer you a first hand insight. However any significant change in world view is bound to leave one disorientated and possibly confused, that's just natural. I have read many, many de-conversion stories and quite a few exhibit elements of confusion as a person realises they are no longer convinced of a world view that was the foundation of their existence. You are not alone in this respect.

Welcome to HAF.

Regards
Chris

[xSilverPhinx]

Welcome!

I wish I could help you out, but I'm another who never had a "living faith" in any god. As a child I would have mandatory exclusively Christian religious studies in school, and since I was an avid reader at the time (no TV) I quickly associated the stories in the bible with the fantasy and fairy tale books I had, so it never "stuck", right from the beginning and was I deprived of future opportunities to see it in a non literal way. Not that I feel my life has been impoverished by my atheism, though, religion is just not my cup of tea.

[leedan]

Hello Woody619,
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Maybe you are in need of some insightful conversation.

[bicycle]

very interesting story man, I hope you can feel better, to me God is not just a deity it is a universal idea, in my opinion ideas are not created nor destroyed only manipulated through time