The thrill is gone.

[original_gender]

Atheism was a thrilling revelation, but the better part of a decade has passed and my mind is bored of the subject. I've so thoroughly written off religion as bogus that my own conversation on the subject feels labored. I have such an aversion to cliches that my being one (a pretentious atheist) is preventing me from rediscovery the riveting feel of it.

My initial reaction to the truth was to embrace all things naughty and revel in my own self-destruction (obviously you are gritting your teeth in the agony of someone attempting to use the term "self-destruction" without being ironic, but I know you all can relate to the desire to take advantage of your fleeting life as a response to your awareness). Now, in my twenties, I'm all of a sudden concerned with the negative health affects of this and that, when just a few years ago I wasn't even concerned with death. I don't take risks anymore because I don't want to be inconvenienced by their repercussions – unusual behavior for someone truly convinced of their impending death's permanence.

Has anyone else lost touch with the terrifying joy of understanding your place in a universe free of meaning? Have the irritating teenage youtubers documenting their apostasies distracted you from the weight of the realization you share with them?

[xSilverPhinx]

Welcome!

Though no, your post doesn't make that much sense to me...

[Cecilie]

...What?

[The Magic Pudding]

I have such an aversion to cliches that my being one (a pretentious atheist) is preventing me from rediscovery the riveting feel of it.

I never had no riveting feeling, probably because I was never a believer.  If it means that much to you, try becoming a Morman for a few years, and then ditch it.  In this way you may briefly rediscover that elusive "riveting" feeling.  

My initial reaction to the truth was to embrace all things naughty and revel in my own self-destruction (obviously you are gritting your teeth in the agony of someone attempting to use the term "self-destruction" without being ironic, but I know you all can relate to the desire to take advantage of your fleeting life as a response to your awareness). Now, in my twenties, I'm all of a sudden concerned with the negative health affects of this and that, when just a few years ago I wasn't even concerned with death. I don't take risks anymore because I don't want to be inconvenienced by their repercussions – unusual behavior for someone truly convinced of their impending death's permanence.

I don't see why it is unusual to take some care with the only life you're ever likely to have.  This recklessness probably has more to do with youth than non belief.  Risk taking could occur as a reaction to fear.

I don't take risks anymore because I don't want to be inconvenienced by their repercussions – unusual behavior for someone truly convinced of their impending death's permanence.

Why go from one extreme to the other?  You could end up crippled by going for swim, but weighing the risks and rewards, swimming is worthwhile with a bit of care.

Has anyone else lost touch with the terrifying joy of understanding your place in a universe free of meaning? Have the irritating teenage youtubers documenting their apostasies distracted you from the weight of the realization you share with them?

This sounds a bit like a partially recalled drug induced revelation.  My understanding of my place in the universe is a simpler small scale thing.

Any way welcome to HAF original_g.

[Stevil]

Would this be called a mid mid life crisis or a quarter life crisis?

[Illbethewriter]

Would this be called a mid mid life crisis or a quarter life crisis?

Lol <3

I don't think becoming an atheist has made me become more reckless.. just not worry so much about doing 'bad stuff'. As I mentioned in my own 'introduction' post, I was manipulated into the whole church thing at a vulnerable time in my life by someone close to me and I used to always be terrified by 'God' watching, to the point that I became rather paranoid - I even felt uncomfortable getting undressed in my own room.
I haven't abused my revelation as an atheist to wreck my life - but I do do things I wouldn't have done if I believed God was watching me and I do live as if I will never live again.  I take advantage of every opportunity (to the point that I'm always stupidly busy), and I no longer approach life with the attitude that my career is everything (achieving highly was very much propagated in the church and everyone there did 'favours' for others, and practically everyone worked in the same company due to these 'favours' - like a mini mafia) - instead I make sure that I'm always doing what I want to do and something that I enjoy. Ofcourse I do work when I have to, but I don't let it be the be all and end all.

[fester30]

I think your risk-taking behavior was a natural consequence of youth.  I took a great many risks and participated in a great many things I felt were "sinful" when I was a Christian youth.  Studies are ongoing about the structure of the brain and its impacts on the different phases in life using MRI technology.  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080328112127.htm

[original_gender]

Hello everyone, and thank you for your responses.

I have such an aversion to cliches that my being one (a pretentious atheist) is preventing me from rediscovery the riveting feel of it.

I never had no riveting feeling, probably because I was never a believer.  If it means that much to you, try becoming a Morman for a few years, and then ditch it.  In this way you may briefly rediscover that elusive "riveting" feeling.

I think I might have been a little unclear. The "riveting" feeling I was describing wasn't a result of Christianity but the lack of it. I was so excited to be living free in an inconsequential universe. I just feel like I've begun taking my lack of belief for granted. I'm looking for solutions that other people in similar mental ruts have employed.

Would this be called a mid mid life crisis or a quarter life crisis?

Quarter life, hopefully.

I no longer approach life with the attitude that my career is everything (achieving highly was very much propagated in the church [...]

That's another great topic: The non-religious repercussions of childhood indoctrination.

[Whitney]

your OP is hard to follow because you aren't speaking in a straight forward manner.

But you seem to be equating atheism with nihilism...the two can be friends but they aren't married.  Most of us are not nihilists.

[xSilverPhinx]

Would this be called a mid mid life crisis or a quarter life crisis?

Lol <3

I don't think becoming an atheist has made me become more reckless.. just not worry so much about doing 'bad stuff'. As I mentioned in my own 'introduction' post, I was manipulated into the whole church thing at a vulnerable time in my life by someone close to me and I used to always be terrified by 'God' watching, to the point that I became rather paranoid - I even felt uncomfortable getting undressed in my own room.
I haven't abused my revelation as an atheist to wreck my life - but I do do things I wouldn't have done if I believed God was watching me and I do live as if I will never live again.  I take advantage of every opportunity (to the point that I'm always stupidly busy), and I no longer approach life with the attitude that my career is everything (achieving highly was very much propagated in the church and everyone there did 'favours' for others, and practically everyone worked in the same company due to these 'favours' - like a mini mafia) - instead I make sure that I'm always doing what I want to do and something that I enjoy. Ofcourse I do work when I have to, but I don't let it be the be all and end all.

I always thought that was odd: sincere believers don't really act as if there was an independent being watching their every move.

[original_gender]

your OP is hard to follow because you aren't speaking in a straight forward manner.

Yeah, I have this awful habit of using several paragraphs to communicate a sentence worth of content – unfortunately the habit is not exclusive to the internet 

I'm not just a verbose troll though, I really was hoping someone would relate to my sentiments.

But you seem to be equating atheism with nihilism...the two can be friends but they aren't married.  Most of us are not nihilists.

That accusation may hold some real weight; I may be making the mistake of assuming nihilism is the logical conclusion of atheism, but I don't know enough about nihilism to know for sure. I am capable of empathy, does that rule me out as a nihilist?

[Whitney]

I am capable of empathy, does that rule me out as a nihilist?

It might depend on which nihilist you ask...there is more than one type of nihilism ranging from objective meaning doesn't exist all the way to true knowledge being impossible.  So, yes you could have feelings of empathy and be a nihilist; all humans experience empathy unless something is wrong with them...if you didn't have empathy I'd use a entirely different word to describe the resulting mental condition 

It seems the most common form of nihilism among non-philosophers is when someone decides that there is no objective meaning and then somehow jump to therefore they should do whatever they want (not saying this form follows from a fully thought out logical study).

[Melmoth]

@original_gender: I like to describe myself as a nihilist, so perhaps I can help you out with a few things. First, nihilism says nothing about your ability to empathise. Second, while I think it does pretty much equate to 'doing whatever you want,' as whitney put it, that doesn't mean we're incapable of foresight, or that everything is suddenly focussed on the immediate and sensory. I might find the idea of a cocaine high quite appealing, but I still recognise the long term effects of addiction as something that I don't want.

I also think that people's squeamishness about moral nihilism - the destructive, punk image that it generally gets lumped with - stems from the basically Christian idea that human beings are innately 'evil'. That our nature is fundamentally masochistic, and we desire only to cause harm to ourselves and to other people. And that, therefore, we need an external moral codex in order to restrain all of that internal nastiness. I think this idea is paradoxical and absurd, since the belief that we would need such a thing in itself has to be internal, and demonstrates a nature more sophisticated than mere destruction. I want the people around me to be happy, generally, and so I endeavour to make it so. I don't need that to mean anything. I don't need the authority of some moral philosophy, either theistic or atheistic, to come along and validate that for me. I simply prefer the company of happy people, ones who like and respect me, to that of miserable people who don't.

Here's a good little article on nihilism that you might be interested in: http://www.anus.com/zine/articles/prozak/nihilism/

[original_gender]

I might find the idea of a cocaine high quite appealing, but I still recognise the long term effects of addiction as something that I don't want.

Fortunately you have to consort with violent undesirables to acquire the stuff, and bad company is just the pits.

I think this idea is paradoxical and absurd, since the belief that we would need such a thing in itself has to be internal [...]

What a clean way to debunk such a popular delusion. Although instead of a sophisticated nature, I think it is our tribal nature that makes us feel inclined to maintain civility.   

But my question is, do you ever have a difficult time holding onto the hugeness of it? I mean everyone on this forum probably understands that within a comparatively nonexistent length of time our entire civilization will be extinct, that when you die it will be as if you were never born, and yet I find myself worrying more about whether I left a napkin in one of my pockets while I'm doing the wash, or whether I accidentally came off as sarcastic when I was trying to fake enthusiasm during small talk with people I don't want to insult. How is it that we are all just living normal lives? I don't understand how we are capable of even prying our eyes from the big picture, yet as of late I hardly ever even glance at it.

[The Magic Pudding]

But my question is, do you ever have a difficult time holding onto the hugeness of it? I mean everyone on this forum probably understands that within a comparatively nonexistent length of time our entire civilization will be extinct, that when you die it will be as if you were never born, and yet I find myself worrying more about whether I left a napkin in one of my pockets while I'm doing the wash, or whether I accidentally came off as sarcastic when I was trying to fake enthusiasm during small talk with people I don't want to insult. How is it that we are all just living normal lives? I don't understand how we are capable of even prying our eyes from the big picture, yet as of late I hardly ever even glance at it.

I doubt anyone comes even close to understanding the hugeness of it, the numbers are just to big.  But eternity isn't the main game anyway, it makes more sense to care about tissues in your pocket and people.  Eighty years may not seem like much compared to eight billion, but it seems a long time to me.  Some people get a lot done in eighty years.  If you had a billion jelly beans you'd have to eat 34,246 a day to get them all eaten in your allotted eighty years.  But it's best you don't think too much about this, not if it's going to diminish your enjoyment of jelly beans.