advice needed

[inezy]

ive been an atheist for about 9 months now and i really need help coming out. My dad is very ignorant and overly religious and i don't know what he would say. It makes me sad, knowing that my dad will truly believe that i will suffer in hell for eternity. I've cried about this alot and i just don't know what i should do. my family revolves around religion, ive even got uncles and cousins who preach.  Im tired of pretending to be someone im not. i really need help.

[ingodwetrust2]

Believe in god, he works miracles at times of need

[donkeyhoty]

Ugh...  inezy, If you've taken a look around the past week or so, you can see how ignorant and hateful the religious can be.  

My advice, keep it to yourself for a few years.  At least until you pay all your own bills.  If they don't like it then, well, fuck 'em.  Also, try and find some people that aren't very religious to hang out with.  They don't have to be atheists, just irreligious.  I spent most of my formative years with people like that, and even though they were catholics and protestants there was never any discussion of religion.  It was like a utopia where religion had absolutely nothing to do with anyone's life besides the occasional holiday church attendance.  So, good luck with that.

[McQ]

Believe in god, he works miracles at times of need

Which one?

[joeactor]

Believe in god, he works miracles at times of need

Which one?

I choose Thor.

My god has a hammer.

Yours was nailed to a tree.

Do the math.

[Tom62]

I choose Azathoth, which beats the sh#t out of all other Gods

"Outside the ordered universe is that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinityâ€"the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.["

[tacoma_kyle]

Also, try and find some people that aren't very religious to hang out with.  They don't have to be atheists, just irreligious.

I agree with that big time. Fuckin everyone here in K-Falls OR is religous. Doesnt bother me that much but you kind of feel alienated in some dumb way. I have some good friends here, but the better ones are the ones that do not suffer so much from the the necessity of god. Ironically they tend to behave better when drunk too (yeah college students...).

But yeah I 2nd the friends thing. Just make sure they are good people too. Too many morons out there. Once you feel a little more established and can live on you own better (like if the parents flipped you could hit the road without much difficulty) break the news. Unforunitely some people will need you pretend...for your well being.

How old are you?

[SteveS]

Seems like lots of good advice given already.  I always say go easy with your parents until you're out of their house at least.  Once you're on your own, they really can't do a whole lot about your religion (or lack there of), can they?  Stick it out man --- plenty of atheism on the internet.  Think of it from this perspective -- antagonizing the hell out of them is only going to make your life miserable.

That's my free advice (and you know what free advice is worth)  :wink:  .

[Piemaster]

I don't think you need to make a big deal out of 'coming out'.  Atheism is a very forgiving belief system that doesn't punish betrayal.  There is no real glory in being an atheist martyr.  Just pretend that you believe in God to your parents, all the while sniggering behind their back.  It's like when we were kids and we pretended we still believed in Santa Claus, even after we saw our dad sneak in our room with our presents 3 years earlier.  

God, like Santa Claus, doesn't exist, which makes him not important enough to get upset over.

[MommaSquid]

inezy, since you are still living under your parent's roof and rules, you should probably wait until you're on your own to talk to them about your atheism.  

I've never really come right out and told my parents I'm an atheist and I'm 40!  They know I don't believe in religion, but they don't really need to know details...one of the benefits of being an adult.  

[tacoma_kyle]

Haha funny you say that MommaSquid. My mother always tells me to tell people, 'I am am not religious.' She has this thing where worries a little too much about what other people think of her, haha. A atheist son isn't such a hit I guess heh. I finally got her to state that she would rather me be religious, haha.

[SteveS]

tacoma_kyle, I actually do this on my own - tell people I'm not religious.  Sometimes they just accept that (I think because they don't want to know any more), and sometimes they gawk and ask "Don't you at least believe in god, though?".  If someone flat-out asks me directly like this, I shrug and say "no".  

But yeah, when the topic comes up I don't just announce "I'm an atheist", I say "I'm not religious".  Seems to ruffle people's feathers less.

[Will]

Agreed with SteveS. The 'I'm not religious' line is WAY less abrasive to the religious.

Another thing that might be good would be a religious supporter. One of those cousins or uncles might be progressive enough to understand. If that's the case, then you ask that person to help moderate the discussion you might want to have. The simple idea is to make sure they don't think it's anything against them, it's simply you being true to who you are. There's nothing wrong with being true to who you are.

[tacoma_kyle]

I dont just 'announce' it heh, hell its been a while since I have even mentioned it to anyone. Months...but if someone asks thats that.

I've never really had a bad experience in talking about it. Once someone got pretty upset, it was a coworker, haha. Dont know why but yeah.

[Whitney]

hi inezy, I agree with the advice to go easy on this while you still live under your parent's roof.  It's not that you should pretend to be something you aren't but there also isn't any atheist rule that says you have to tell everyone that you are an atheist...after all, atheism isn't a club or religion that requires anything of you.  Personally, I've found it to be more comfortable for myself and others if I say "non-religious" because that goes over well with those who are religious and still honestly defines me.

As for how to let your family know...with my family I just had small discussions with those who weren't the jesus-freak type about the oddities of religion and if they agreed enough with me or at least seemed to not be offended I would mention I was atheist or agnostic...depending on if I thought that person would understand the difference between atheist and agnostic and what atheist means in the first place.  To some people atheist is synonymous with devil worshiper.  Yet, I didn't talk with family about questioning beliefs till I was out of the house and more or less on my own financially...although, that was partially because I didn't seriously start to question anything till college.

Anyway, good luck, all families and people are a bit different but hopefully some of the advice I and others have given can be helpful.