A Letter to Yourself, Half a Lifetime Ago

[DropLogic]

Dear 13 year old me,
Don't spend the next 10 years not talking to dad.  Mom is telling you lies, and has been since you were 8.  Don't date Kelly, Annie, Sarah, Sasha, or Leah.  They and mom will scar your idea of women for many many years.  Don't get arrested, and do your god damned homework, no matter how stupid you think it is.  Yes you are smarter than most of your teachers, just get through the classes without being thrown out.  When you meet a girl named Nicole...HANG ON TO HER.  She was the right choice.  Buy stock in Apple.
Love,
Me

[The Magic Pudding]

Dear Old Me

If you are reading this you are not dead.
If this is the case I'm sorry about the dead brain cells.
I know I didn't have a lot to spare, but who knew civilisation would last?
I thought Ronnie Regan would have doomed us for sure.
The pigeon guy said he would.
Anyway it's not all bad, imagine watching The Life of Brian over and over, as if it was the first time.
It could be worse.

[karadan]

Dear 17 year old me.
Smoking isn't cool. Stop now.
Stop messing about with your mates so much and concentrate on your A-levels. Your exams are actually far more important than you think.
Stop swooning over Kelly. She just likes your attention but has no intention of ever being with you. She's also intellectually bankrupt. She will fuck you up.
Wear ear protection when drumming you idiot. Otherwise you'll have permanent tinitus and degraded hearing by the time you are thirty.
Eriko is in love with you, you dummy. She isn't going to wait around though. If you could see what she'll blossom into over the next ten years, you'll already be kicking your own ass.
Oh, and don't worry about what Clive Thorpe has to say about your 'unruliness'. He's an arrogant and petty teacher with personal issues. He needs someone to take it out on and you are a convenient target. Don't let it get to you because, as you'll find out over the next few years, his life isn't as rosy as he currently makes out.

Other than that, you are doing fine kiddo.

[MrsV]

Dear 16 year old me

Don't do Physics and Maths A levels just because you think that what will make Dad happy. Do history and english like you actually want. When you start getting depressed go get some help - don't let that doctor fob you off and do go the young person unit because it will save you a lot of trying to unpick the mess in your head as an adult.

Go for it with the band - you ain't gonna make it but you'll have a great time. Sex, drugs and rock n roll are fun - just keep it in perspective. Don't leave Dave with your bag in Barcelona train station - he will get distracted and it will get stolen. Don't bother buying the acid at Reading - it won't work.

You aren't fat - stop thinking that now because otherwise you will be 33 and WILL be that size.

Tell Simon to get lost - you don't need him.

That freak you meet at the Mayfair who messes up your date by asking you to kick him in the face with your big New Rock boots will one day be your husband and father of your child.

[Smartmarzipan]

13 year old me?

I would definitely tell myself to stop trying so hard to get "popular" people to like me. I learned years later that most of those people aren't worth the aggravation and their insults are meaningless. So what if you're an awkward nerd? You're wonderful just the way you are, stop trying to impress people and live up to their ridiculous expectations. Also, don't date older high school guys. They're jerks. Hrm....oh! If one day some guy gets you to leave college to go live with him, DON'T DO IT! You'll always regret that....And your mother isn't your enemy, you're just nothing like her. It will all be okay in time.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Hey kid, keep looking forward, don't look back, and don't let the dust settle on your feet.

[Dretlin]

(Borrowed from another forum   )

What would you say if you were able to send a letter to yourself at half your current age?

Get ready for a lot of shite that is about to happen. And it will be ok.

[OdisBDilligaf]

mine would say, "finger more box."

[skwurll]

Dear 8 year old me,

Shits only going to get worse, but keep your chin up. As for people, don't trust Adam, he turns into a criminal and so does Blake. Become better friends with Alex, seriously, he's a good person, and so are his friends.

Don't get a mohawk, you look like an idiot with one.

As for relationships, in a few years, a beautiful woman will ask you out, you're right in saying no, she ends up cheating on all her boyfriends anyway. When you have to pick between the two at Lizzie's b-day party, say neither, you'll be better off.
Control your hormones and try not to say anything too stupid. And Eamon thinks you're gay, that's why he's been making all those really strange comments.

You are completely justified in turning down casual sex if you don't feel comfortable with it, she may not have a gag reflex, but she won't appreciate you for a person either. Watch what you say to Cortney, she's fucking crazy. Molly WILL try to bite you, as will Robyn, beware the teeth. (Btw, what's up with all the girls that bite in our school? It's not that kinky, it hurts.)
Justice will be trying to ride you like a rodeo, but you're right in saying no, Burt is jealous and a psycho.

Just follow your gut feelings, they won't lead you wrong.
Which includes religion as well, explore your doubts, the fear of hell is hard to get over, but you'll be glad later.
Also, you will meet a wonderful norwegian girl on an atheist forum, try not to fuck this up, she's a great person to talk to.

Oh right, Shaleena, Tanner, Hannah, and Brandon all move away in the same year, good luck dealing with it, Debrule is a sexist feminazi, Nert is an idiot, Grim is a musical prodigy, and Zach is a bigot.

The next couple years are going to be hard, but you'll have good times along the way.
I'll end this with a whole bunch of inside jokes you won't understand for a while.

OSOS EN FUEGO!
Dippin' dots! Dippin' dots!
"Hey, wanna buy some crack?"
Smooth Carl
Needle dick
Radiation
Nolan!
So... are you gonna stick it in her pooper?
Snow-Coned
Snawper Rofl
Yeah... If I had a small penis I'd wear tight pants too.
Like a nervous drummer.
Chicken tits!
Get Crunk Pascal, you little rascal.
Nose goes.... Steve!
You know the rules, just don't mix up the order.
Alex... please get off my knee. I can feel your genitalia resting on my thigh... it's uncomfortable.
Matt! Waugh! Matt! Matt! Waugh! Matt?
Like pew-pew kapowy eh-he!

Enjoy.
*Edit-More inside jokes*
Lady Kayate, Methinks mayhap that we might have chance to centipede
I thought I might need these.
They'd kill you for that in wolf city.
My slightly torn leather is bullet-proof.
*horrible coughing noises* I'll be your doctor today.
He plays the musical ass.
"Let's ask what his favorite fruit is" "Oooh ooh! I hope it's me!!"
I've heard Steve has a lot of anchovies, he should defrag his computer.
I'm a flaming hetero
Swoo swoo swoo swoo

[PoopShoot]

Dear 8 year old me,

Dude, your life is about to be epic and by 16 you will have done twice as much living as people twice your age.  Have fun.

[hismikeness]

Hello 15 year old Mike-

This is 30 year old Mike, from the future. Here's some things you need to know. I know you aren't big on taking people's advice and you like to do your own thing, but in doing that you make my life turn in to what it is, and frankly, you are better than this.

1. Don't waste your time on that 4 year relationship from high school to college. There are so many chicks you could have gotten with and had meaningful relationships. You aren't the type (and never have been) to just "get with chicks" so quit acting like it. But you will meet the women I'm talking about when you are living in your dorm... and you'll wonder later on about what might have been if you are still with that girl from high school. It ends with her anyway, albeit amicably, but still, end it earlier.

2. Remember this date: August 19th, 2004. Round up as much spare money as you can, even if you have to borrow it at a high rate of interest and remember this bizarre word- . Buy as much stock as you can on the day of the IPO, it's only $85 a share. On November 2, 2007, sell it, because it only goes down from there. It will be worth just over $700 a share. If you somehow can get a job and get in on the private stock, well, go for it. Over 900 employees became millionaires overnight. Even the janitors became rich.

3. Study astronomy more. You are interested in it now, right? You live away from city lights and up in the mountains where the air is clear, right? So study it... get a job doing it. Trust me, you won't like managing a production crew. It's fucking boring! But it pays decent, probably about as much as you could make as an astronomer of some sort.

4. Watch out for that deer on your way to work. He comes out of no where from right to left. Although, that's only if you haven't taken heed to points 2 and/or 3 above. If you've done those you're either filthy rich or have a different job.

5. It's too late now to be held back a year in school. It would really help you with football. So, just work harder in the weight room, and run more. You're always going to be younger than your classmates, so you just have to be better than them. You have a 2 year starter at a D-1 school locked up, trust me, but you can do better.

6. Find the following bands earlier: Blue October, Longwave, The Parlotones, Angels and Airwaves. Avoid rap. Seriously, it gets really lame once BIG and Pac die.

7. Don't buy a house until you are really ready. Of course, if you will just follow #2, buy several houses. I mean, fuck it, you'll have the money.

8. Go for it on the pole vault pit. You'll know what I mean...

That's it for now. You still have to live your life. Those are just some tips for you.

Regards,
30 year old Mike

[Asmodean]

Oh, and tiny me..? Here is a little post scriptum:

The lottery numbers on the 60 million night [date] are [insert correct numbers]

 

[parrotpirate]

When Tammy calls you up and wants you to come over for coffee in the middle of a blizzard, go. When you're sitting on the steps talking, don't pretend you didn't hear what she said. Kiss her,dumb-ass. The other girl is going to break up with you anyway! If the break up is a spectacular melt-down, your whole life might change.

[TheWilliam]

Dear 13 year old William.

Stop hanging around east of 72nd street, because even if you aren't wearing colors, the bloods will recognize you, jump you and slice your face, and you'll have a scar for life.

When you go to college don't change your major from economics to that artsy shit.

just fucking don't.

Don't let those church niggas reel you in.   Even if they use the daughter's vagina as bait. (and they will)

and cut the afro off now because within a decade your hairline will prove to be a disloyal cuntsandwich.

I would tell you when the earthquake is gonna hit but I'm gonna love that look on your face when your c.d. shelf topples over, ahahhah you're gonna act like a little bitch.

and oh yea,

there will be a black president in your lifetime.  he won't be the one you'd choose, but trust, you'd rather have him than the guy and gal he's going to run against.

I don't know what else to tell you cuzzo, except for run away from that orphan house as soon as possible. you're gonna do it anyway, and your life will vastly improve within the first week, so if you feel ready before 2001, then just go for it.

Peace

-OG William-

[TheWilliam]

Don't get that haircut.

Seriously, don't.

if there are any pictures of this haircut.

PLEASE SHARE.