What Am I?

[Ultima22689]

disclaimer: I am intoxicated during the writing of this post, I have drank a large amount of alcohol as I despaired of how alien I am to my peers and the majority of society,

What Am I? From a scientific point of view, this is simple, i'm a Homo Sapien. That sums me up pretty well I guess but anyone who knows Homo Sapiens as a species knows we are far more complex than that. Our brains are a marvel of evolution, the majority of the human genome is the blueprints of the brain. My name is Devin, I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois. I'm a a black male by my environment, my heritage is a kaleidoscope of the many different races that are part of the human race however the culture I was raised in is that of the black man. I lived on the south side of Chicago the majority of my life. In the past 5 years I ventured out into the beautiful lands of America. I've learned much and matured greatly since I left however as of the past month I have returned to my home, I hope for a sense of stability here.  People have always told me since I could remember that i'm incredibly smart. I've always noticed a disparity in my own intellect and my peers. I am also vastly different. Despite growing up on the south side of Chicago, surrounded by ebonics, rap and anti-intellectualism I am the polar opposite of my environment. I don't listen to any form of rap or R&B or rap. I enjoy progressive metal and i'm a transhumanist. My brother is intelligent as well but behavior, personality and most of what defines him is typical of a black male from Chicago. I have ADHD, i'm schizo-effective, bipolar and supposedly have Asperger's syndrome, the diagnosis is new and my family still disputes it, I can't be sure but most of the symptoms and signs of it resonate with my life.

I don't understand why I am such an anomaly among my family. Why am I so different? There is no reason for it. I don't get it, it is something that I think about every day. Is there any scientific reason I could be the way I am. I have yet to meet others like myself. I am a complete contradiction to my environment and culture. Every day I wonder why this is is and it eludes me. I don't know what to make of it, can anyone offer advice or opinion?

[Asmodean]

Doubleposted this thread, you have.

The world can be a lonely place if you, intentionally or otherwise, set yourself apart from those close to you. You are different - and our differences is what keeps life interesting - and yet you are not.

Having the intellect to actually appreciate some such differences can be a mixed blessing since it can also mean that you, again intentionally or otherwise, see few people as equals. Same with having insanity issues.

Why you are the way you are is most likely answered by your genetics, environment and the sum of your experiences - just like for the rest of the world. As for what you are... The only opinions on that subject that really matter on a subjective level, as I found out, are those of people you respect and your own.

My only advise would be not to try to blend in too much. That can be quite self-destructive at times.

[Whitney]

I don't really have any advice other than that you might want to consider finding a local atheist group...but failing that option, there is probably someone who has the same (or some of the same) problems/experiences as you on this forum who'd be happy to talk about it.

While I'm not black I do have a black atheist friend and have been told about how it is especially hard being a black atheist since for reasons he doesn't quite understand black culture sets it up so a guy can't be a "Black Man" if he isn't religious and teasing related to that happens (perhaps worse among those with less self control).

Anyway, best wishes and be careful...if where you live is driving you to drink perhaps it's time for a move?

[i_am_i]

Anyway, best wishes and be careful...if where you live is driving you to drink perhaps it's time for a move?

One big reason I love the south is that growing up here drove me to drink.

Sorry.

Hey, Ultima22689, I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was forty two years old. I saw a therapist once a week for almost a year and it made a world of difference. The important thing is to not feel estranged from everyone else, to make it a point to make eye contact with people and try to sort of feel what they're about. Doing this really helps to break down the wall between yourself and the world.

You can do it. You're going to be just fine.

[The Magic Pudding]

I don't understand why I am such an anomaly among my family. Why am I so different? There is no reason for it. I don't get it, it is something that I think about every day.

Well people believe in a god that doesn't exist, it is interesting to wonder why, but the fault is theirs, not yours.
So far as modern black music goes, I don't like the misogynism, violence and self promotion.

Is there any scientific reason Every day I wonder why this is is and it eludes me. I don't know what to make of it, can anyone offer advice or opinion?

There are scientific explanations for Aspergers ADHD and bipolar, maybe not conclusive but work continues.
There are atheist authors who have addressed why the religious are so deluded, you don't have to figure it all out yourself.

If society isn't altogether sane, it doesn't hurt to be a bit different, and your not the only one.

[Cite134]

disclaimer: I am intoxicated during the writing of this post, I have drank a large amount of alcohol as I despaired of how alien I am to my peers and the majority of society,

What Am I? From a scientific point of view, this is simple, i'm a Homo Sapien. That sums me up pretty well I guess but anyone who knows Homo Sapiens as a species knows we are far more complex than that. Our brains are a marvel of evolution, the majority of the human genome is the blueprints of the brain. My name is Devin, I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois. I'm a a black male by my environment, my heritage is a kaleidoscope of the many different races that are part of the human race however the culture I was raised in is that of the black man. I lived on the south side of Chicago the majority of my life. In the past 5 years I ventured out into the beautiful lands of America. I've learned much and matured greatly since I left however as of the past month I have returned to my home, I hope for a sense of stability here.  People have always told me since I could remember that i'm incredibly smart. I've always noticed a disparity in my own intellect and my peers. I am also vastly different. Despite growing up on the south side of Chicago, surrounded by ebonics, rap and anti-intellectualism I am the polar opposite of my environment. I don't listen to any form of rap or R&B or rap. I enjoy progressive metal and i'm a transhumanist. My brother is intelligent as well but behavior, personality and most of what defines him is typical of a black male from Chicago. I have ADHD, i'm schizo-effective, bipolar and supposedly have Asperger's syndrome, the diagnosis is new and my family still disputes it, I can't be sure but most of the symptoms and signs of it resonate with my life.

I don't understand why I am such an anomaly among my family. Why am I so different? There is no reason for it. I don't get it, it is something that I think about every day. Is there any scientific reason I could be the way I am. I have yet to meet others like myself. I am a complete contradiction to my environment and culture. Every day I wonder why this is is and it eludes me. I don't know what to make of it, can anyone offer advice or opinion?

Hi Ultima. I think I can relate to you just a bit. I am also a young black male who is somewhat 'disconnected form my black peers'. I also consider myself an outcast (and always have been for the past couple of years, even as a theist). However, I have come with grips with my differences and accepted who I am. Strangely, I like not 'fitting in with the flock'.

Only thing I would have to disagree with you on is a somewhwat false correlation with rap and anit-intellectualism. There is a lot of GOOD rap out there, but it's never played through the mainstream media. Having said that, I appreciate ALOT of different generes though, like rock, classical rock, blues, etc. Anways, all I can say is be who you are to the best of your ability. Changing your personality for others is something that doesn't work out. ( I know from experience)

[Thumpalumpacus]

PE ftw!  Smart rap.

[Kylyssa]

Religionists sometimes try to claim that autism is a cause of atheism.  I think there may be a correlation.  I encounter a seemingly high percentage of atheists online who have Aspergers or some form of Autistic Spectrum disorder and both of my atheist family members are either diagnosed as autistic or ought to be.  I also have Asperger Syndrome.

I often cannot experience suspension of disbelief so the joy I get out of a film has more to do with art appreciation than from being absorbed into a story.  I never had nightmares from watching an age inappropriate movie because I saw it clearly as a story and I always saw actors and makeup, never monsters or dead people.  Sometimes I'd yell out in excitement, "How did they do that!" when a special effect was really good.  My dad is the same way.  

I read the bible fairly young (9 or ten I think) and even then it was clearly made up stuff.  I likened it to childrens' books and the stories my friend Dale used to tell about giant, invisible robots - completely made up.    

I think if a person's ability to suspend disbelief is any less than perfect, that person stands more chance of becoming an atheist.  

But back to the central question - what are you?  You are a man who sees what is around him without a screen between you and what is there to be seen.  But there are things people emulate so perfectly that you can't be blamed if you don't see the reality they are hiding.  I bet we'd all be surprised to find out how many people are secretly similar to us who are hiding from society at large.  I think autistic people just can't do the hiding as well.

A few years ago I had to fake belief to keep my job and avoid harassment so I did.  I began to wonder how many other people I knew were faking it, too.

Everyone is different from everyone else.  Everyone is similar to everyone else.  There are, however, wide variations in the continuum.

[Martin TK]

My friend I completely understand where you are coming from.  Now, here's a story for you:

I attended an Historically Black College, as one of the first white students.  It was challenging on many levels, but I enjoyed it and managed to graduate.  After graduation I went to work at the school in the admissions office, while I went to graduate school.  While working there, I was forced to attend a lot of functions where I was often the only white in attendance, which was a GREAT experience for me, and one that I will cherish always.  To make a LONG story short, many of the functions were often set up around religious themes, there was a lot of prayers and talk about god and Christ.  For several years, I had to pretend to be religious.  I got pretty good at it, I even could stand up and pray like I meant it.

Well, I kept my atheism to myself for the years I was there, and got through it.  My point is that I understand your plight and certainly see how the culture of African-Americans can be difficult for an atheist.  My advice to you is to be true to yourself.  But, remember that YOU are in control of your life and making good decisions is all part of the growing process, and sounds to me that you are going through a growth spurt.  Good luck.

[Ultima22689]

Thanks all, i've been going through a bit of crisis lately. I haven't been driven to drink, that was just one really, really bad night. I usually find something more natural if I need to take a load off like the one I felt that night. It's rough because I can't really go to my family because they would all shun me or think i'm crazy. I considered going to an atheist group but once again that isn't easy, it's hard to keep your whereabouts secret in a city like Chicago if you've been here long enough. I'm seeking out friends who have similar perspectives as I do.

Being Black and atheist is in fact pretty hard. I feel like a fugitive on the run. when people find out either they go through their hardest to convince me that i'm crazy for not believing or that i'm not really black. Usually ends in the latter, thanks to the culture ,as I mentioned intellectualism is lost on the majority of black youth because most listen to mainstream rap which does have an anti-intellectual vibe. I apologize to those who enjoy the genre and listen to under ground rap/hip hop/R&B however not many people listen to that and it is rare in black communities.  It saddens me to see an entire culture being founded under faith and all the negatives that come with it.  It's even more sad when someone who does have a modicum of intellect has been swayed by the mainstream culture but enough about race, it's mostly a thing of the past for me, it only bothers me sometimes when I have no social outlets where intellect can be found.

I'm sure once i'm in class again i'll meet some intelligent people where I don't have to deal with this nonsense. It sucks when people try to debate you, you prove how stupid their Christian apologetics are and then they assume that they need to put on a tinfoil hat because every single source is now illegitimate or they feel the need to pray for me.

[notself]

You can check out the Unitarian Universalists.  My local UU is full of atheists.  You might find one where you live.  The down side is most UU's are filled with old white hippies.  

http://www.uua.org/aboutus/findcongrega ... &radius=25

[Ultima22689]

You can check out the Unitarian Universalists.  My local UU is full of atheists.  You might find one where you live.  The down side is most UU's are filled with old white hippies.  

http://www.uua.org/aboutus/findcongrega ... &radius=25

Good thing I like hippies in general then.

[hackenslash]

A black atheist from the South Side? An anomaly, is what you are!

In all seriousness, though, you're already doing all the right things. being a member here is a good place to begin, and other avenues will open up to you as time goes by. You'll find ways to connect with people who think the way you do, and it isn't something that you really need to worry about.

[Ultima22689]

A black atheist from the South Side? An anomaly, is what you are!

In all seriousness, though, you're already doing all the right things. being a member here is a good place to begin, and other avenues will open up to you as time goes by. You'll find ways to connect with people who think the way you do, and it isn't something that you really need to worry about.

I know right? Too bad it's not a job qualification, i'd get hired in a heartbeat!

Thanks mate, it's good to know because I really do feel like an alien that crash landed on Earth, more precisely 86th and Prairie.

[Ultima22689]

A black atheist from the South Side? An anomaly, is what you are!

In all seriousness, though, you're already doing all the right things. being a member here is a good place to begin, and other avenues will open up to you as time goes by. You'll find ways to connect with people who think the way you do, and it isn't something that you really need to worry about.

I know right? Too bad it's not a job qualification, i'd get hired in a heartbeat!

Thanks mate, it's good to know because I really do feel like an alien that crash landed on Earth, more precisely 86th and Prairie.