Long Time Atheist

[LSchune]

To be honest, I've been lurking around this forum trying to make up my mind if I should join.  My encounter with my mother this morning pushed me over the line to the big YES, so here I am.  I need to at least spill my feelings to some who I hope can understand.

This is me:  Recently turned 18, and have been an atheist since the age of nine or ten (I'm going to call myself an extremely intelligent child prodige :wink: ).  I've had a very nice life and am very happy for the most part, well adjusted with friends, activities, and jobs that make me work and have fun with.

I'm going to college this fall for my freshman year, and the college that I chose is somewhat religious centered.  I did not get that feeling when I toured the campus and met the students there, and I still wish to attend, as they have a nationally ranked physical therapy program.

That's my background.  This is what's troubling me:
I woke up and went downstairs only to be called into my parent's room.  My dad's out of town, so it was just my mother, who I have (or rather thought I have) an amazing relationship with.  I feel (or felt :? ) that I can talk to her about anything.

She pulls me over to the bed, and immediately tells me that she heard on the news some statistics about atheists - how they can lose their jobs, their apartments, school funding, respect in the community, etc. etc. all because they are atheists.

Whoopee, not news to me.  Then she basically starts doubting my entire beliefs, saying that I'm closed and prejudiced against religion, and faulting herself for not exposing me and my siblings to it.  I just about lost it there.

We did not end the discussion on a happy note.  I believe I might have been a might hysterical now that I look back on it, but I just still want to go in and scream at her "I'M AN ATHEIST, WOMAN!  DEAL WITH IT!"

I am, at this point, an atheist.  Religion scares the shit out of me, and I want no part in it.  It has caused so much pain and suffering for all people throughout the world, and I'm not suffering despite what my mother and religious fanatics have told me.  I'm happy, well adjusted, and I LIKE MY LIFE.  I DON'T HAVE AN EMPTY WHOLE IN ME THAT ONLY A MAN WITH A BEARD CAN FILL!

I love being an atheist, and I love that other people can be what they want - catholic, christian, jewish, methodist, hindu, lutheran, whatever!

And what do I get for my tolerance?  Lectures and schoolings and doubts and rudeness and chalk talk and asserting of who I should BE.

I told my mother that if in my life I ever lose my job, family, career, home, or anything else because of my religious beliefs, she should be damned sure that I'll file discrimination suits, and be damned sure that I will win.

I don't think I'll ever feel the same about my mother.

[Whitney]

Welcome to the forum LSchune,

I have similar issues with my mom, ever since I told her that I'm not a Christian she has upped her statments about this or that being a miracle.  She even suggested I buy cross necklaces as gifts for my bridesmaids...both of whom know I'm not a Christian...that annoyed me, yet I think she is trying to believe that I really do believe.  How rational people can manage to turn their brains off...I don't know.  Keep in mind that your mom is trying to look out for what she thinks is your best interests; even if she is wrong in what she thinks is good for you.

Lots of people lose their jobs due to dicrimination...even women who choose to get pregnant can get fired.  I don't really get why your mom thinks discrimination is a valid approach to getting you to believe (I assume that's why she brought it up)...maybe sitting down and talking to her about all the various forms of discrimination that can occur to all sorts of groups will get her to see why it doesn't matter?

[User192021]

Remember, belief in god is obviously something your mother takes seriously.  Even if the logic behind it is flawed - according to what she believes, you are doing something extremely dangerous in being atheist.  She thinks you could be risking going to hell for all of eternity.  This is no joke to her.  Try to understand where she is coming from.  It's understandable for you to be frustrated with her beliefs which you probably view as irrational, but I don't think there is any reason to be angry with her personally.

[LSchune]

^
This is what mainly had me questioning.  

My mother is really not that religious at all.  Yes, she believes in God, but she's not hardcore like her mother.

I don't know what she fears for me, because I don't think she thinks I'm risking my eternal soul or whatever.  I'd enjoy finding out, but I don't want to get back into that discussion with her.

I know she'll inform the father of it when he gets back, and I know he'll be dying to come talk to me  :roll:

[Tom62]

Maybe your mother is only afraid that you'll become a social pariah. Unlike some other places in the word, the US still has a huge chip on its shoulder regarding atheism.

[SteveS]

Hi LSchune,

I'm new here too.  I found your message moving.  I just thought I could offer some perspective on the whole parent/child thing -- I have 2 kids of my own, although they are still preschool age.  But, honestly, my whole world view changed when I had my own kids.  I too have a very close relationship with my own parents, and believe that I can talk to them about anything.  However, I'm even more certain that they will say whatever they want to me!  It's the way it is -- it's hard not to feel you have that right with your children.  And, although I have this close bond with my parents, we have had some famous verbal confrontations.  You say you are 18 now, and I think even close well adjusted families find that a hard time.  A parent tries to raise their children to be happy and successful in the world on their own, if there's something your mom thinks she has or has not done that has a possibility of hurting you....well, it doesn't make it right, but it does explain it.

When I read your message I tried to image if when one of my kids grows up they announce to me that they've become a born-again (or some other overtly evangelical) Christian, and wonder how I'd react.  I'm sure I'd probably say something that they would feel crossed a line and came off as intrusive, overbearing and insulting.

One of the things I so strongly dislike about religion is this sort of conflict.  It truly does motivate good people to do bad things, and what's worse is they feel that what they're doing is trying to be good.

Anyway, a few more comments:

Religion scares the shit out of me, and I want no part in it. It has caused so much pain and suffering for all people throughout the world, and I'm not suffering despite what my mother and religious fanatics have told me. I'm happy, well adjusted, and I LIKE MY LIFE. I DON'T HAVE AN EMPTY WHOLE IN ME THAT ONLY A MAN WITH A BEARD CAN FILL!

Right on!

I love being an atheist, and I love that other people can be what they want - catholic, christian, jewish, methodist, hindu, lutheran, whatever!

And what do I get for my tolerance? Lectures and schoolings and doubts and rudeness and chalk talk and asserting of who I should BE.

Too true --- it's what motivated me to start firing back, and confronting the religious when they start in on me.  I've found that since most people never respond in this fashion, they are quite shocked.  I try not to be a jerk about it, I just strongly state my opposition to their beliefs.

I don't think I'll ever feel the same about my mother.

Empathy kicking in.  This sucks.  I hope you can some how work it out.

Regards,
Steve

[Byrath]

Hi LSchune.

Dealing with believing family members is tough, no doubt about it. Staying cool is important, you can't respond with logic if you let emotion take over.
Most likely, this issue is going to be raised by your mom again. If not her, your father, sibling, girlfriend etc. You do have the option of simply refusing to discuss it, but that may put a large wedge in your relationship forever. That may or may not be a good option for you depending on how important the relationship is to you.
If you wish to talk it out, you'll need to be able to stay calm and be ready to defend your atheism.
Best of luck.

[McQ]

Welcome, LSchune. You already gotten some words of wisdom, so I won't attempt to add any. Good to have you here.

[User192021]

Hi LSchune.

Dealing with believing family members is tough, no doubt about it. Staying cool is important, you can't respond with logic if you let emotion take over.
Most likely, this issue is going to be raised by your mom again. If not her, your father, sibling, girlfriend etc. You do have the option of simply refusing to discuss it, but that may put a large wedge in your relationship forever. That may or may not be a good option for you depending on how important the relationship is to you.
If you wish to talk it out, you'll need to be able to stay calm and be ready to defend your atheism.
Best of luck.

Being a fairly new atheist, this is something I've already encountered.  How do you defend your atheism logically (explaining how irrational, improbable, and practically impossible) a god or gods is/are, without being offensive or sounding as though you are attempting to convert, for lack of a better word, the person to atheism?  It's a touchy subject, but I agree, be firm.  Giving religious people too much respect only legitamizes their beliefs and further marginalizes atheists.

[Tom62]

So far I've never had to defend my non-believe in god(s). The main reason for this is that I'm not a militant atheist. Only when people ask me about my believes, I'll tell them (very friendly) that I'm non-religious. Being friendly is something that most (militant) christians don't expect from an atheist, so most of the time this "kills" their appetite for attacking you. Should you however run in a situation that a militant christian attacks you on your non-believes then staying cool is indeed a good advice. Don't let your emotions get in the way, stay calm and relaxed. Everything else brings you to the Dark Side of the Force (oops... I'm in the wrong movie ). Why should you have to defend yourself for believing in one god less then they do? You don't need to justify yourself. You're are not standing in front of a court, being accused for doing something bad. If the christian attack continues then you can hit him/her back with the injustice, absurd, cruel, intolerant, contradicted verses of the bible (a good source for this is http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/). If that doesn't work either you can hit him/her with the bible itself .

[LSchune]

Thanks so much everyone!  

Hi LSchune.

Dealing with believing family members is tough, no doubt about it. Staying cool is important, you can't respond with logic if you let emotion take over.
Most likely, this issue is going to be raised by your mom again. If not her, your father, sibling, girlfriend etc. You do have the option of simply refusing to discuss it, but that may put a large wedge in your relationship forever. That may or may not be a good option for you depending on how important the relationship is to you.
If you wish to talk it out, you'll need to be able to stay calm and be ready to defend your atheism.
Best of luck.

Being a fairly new atheist, this is something I've already encountered.  How do you defend your atheism logically (explaining how irrational, improbable, and practically impossible) a god or gods is/are, without being offensive or sounding as though you are attempting to convert, for lack of a better word, the person to atheism?  It's a touchy subject, but I agree, be firm.  Giving religious people too much respect only legitamizes their beliefs and further marginalizes atheists.

Well, with my mom I got really upset - to the part where my hands were shaking and I felt like crying.

Normally, I  (at least I think) am very cool headed.  If someone were to ask my why I am not religious and am a strong atheist, I typically just say that I was not raised in a household that had a strong religion, my parents gave me a choice, so on and so on.  Then if they start trying to hand me pamphlets or get me to go to their church or youth group, I just smile, say thanks, and excuse myself.

[Will]

As an atheist, you can face persecution. The best thing to say is, "I would never dream of forcing atheism on you, so why would you try to force theism (or Christianity, or wahtever) on to me?" That usually shuts them up, especially those who would make the 'you're prejudiced' argument. Atheists go on to have happy, successful lives without the need for magic. It's a wonderful and honest way to live, and I applaud you along with every other member of this forum for being strong enough to move away from Santa Clause and towards Darwin.