Jehovah's Witnesses

[igosaur]

I just this minute had some Jehovah's Witnesses at the door and politely said "No Thank You" and shut the door.

However, thinking back I would have liked to have had a chat with them and asked them all sorts of question.

So, I'm going to prepare a little list of questions and keep it by the front door for the next time they turn up.

Thing is.. What sort of questions should I ask?

What would your list look like?  

[PipeBox]

Oh, this sort of thing always works better in person, because you can adapt to greatest shock effect.

OK, I was going to write a massive ad lib of you talking to the JW's, but it was getting too long.  Something about you not knowing who God was, thinking he was the mascot of the US because he's on all the money, continuously inquiring who this fella is and any strange details you normally take for granted in these types of conversations.  Insert of random indignation "You believe what??" and wonderment "But how can you know that," and maybe, just maybe they'll see how ridiculous their claims must look to a person who evidently hasn't been bombarded with them everyday.  You get the idea.

As to a serious list, they aren't going to debate you on paper, nor, sadly, even bother to read most of your list if they think it's meant to push them away from their god.  Though a slightly satirical take, akin to a shopping list, might be good for the lols.

"Please deliver a god with the following qualities:
* Answers prayers
* Compatible with science and philosophy
* Fun to be around
* Has a variety of catchy punk rock songs in dedication to them
* Isn't so hard up for cash they'll be asking for it from me
* Isn't a dick to limbless people or children in Africa.
* Isn't a bigot who hates gays or anyone else.
* Recommends the use of contraceptives.
* Is at least 30 cubits high, by 8 cubits wide, by 2 cubits deep, with a white flowing beard at least 2 cubits long
* Is the one true God.

If one or more of these requirements is not met, I will return your god for not meeting my request.  I will ship the god back by 3rd class mail, so please be willing to wait 6-8 weeks if you're just gonna drop it off at my doorstep.  Thanks."

[seasonsofmadness]

This is what you are supposed to do when they come.
[youtube:1liilc5z]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_e602jXw1s[/youtube:1liilc5z]

[VanReal]

In all seriousness I know many of them and the door to door thing is a requirement, much like several years of it is a requirement for the mormons.  I would not heckle them, they are just doing what they feel they should.  I would simply say, thank you, I am not interested in Jehovah and no, my soul is not in need of any saving.

[Kyuuketsuki]

Thing is.. What sort of questions should I ask?

So, this ultimate power thing .... where exactly did you get it?  

Kyu

[toadhall]

I'm not familiar with JW theology, but it seems contradictory that one's soul is only saved when it caused the salvation of other souls.

If that were so, logically no one in the world would be saved. Say one JW spread the word to 2 others, and they began to believe. The first person's soul would not be saved, because the two to which he spread the doctrine have not yet had their own souls saved - they themselves have not witnessed to anyone. If they witness to another 2 each, they're in the position of the first JW because not a soul has yet been saved  - and so on it goes. Heaven would be impossible.

If one turned up on my door, I would probably let them explain to me what their beliefs were and ask them questions, because I don't really know much about it. It seems irrelevant to me, breaking up Christianity into these little sects of differing doctrine when the question of whether this god exists or not is as of yet unresolved.

[Ihateyoumike]

In all seriousness I know many of them and the door to door thing is a requirement, much like several years of it is a requirement for the mormons.  I would not heckle them, they are just doing what they feel they should.  I would simply say, thank you, I am not interested in Jehovah and no, my soul is not in need of any saving.

I agree with this statement. As much as I would like to annoy them as much as they annoy me when they come around, or try to convert them to my point of view, I would be no better than them if I did so. Except that I still wouldn't be going to their homes to do it. But they're just doing what they're brainwashed to believe is right, so... so be it.

As much as it pains me, I do the same thing, politely tell them I"m not interested and close the door.

[Whitney]

I'm not familiar with JW theology, but it seems contradictory that one's soul is only saved when it caused the salvation of other souls.

If that were so, logically no one in the world would be saved. Say one JW spread the word to 2 others, and they began to believe. The first person's soul would not be saved, because the two to which he spread the doctrine have not yet had their own souls saved - they themselves have not witnessed to anyone. If they witness to another 2 each, they're in the position of the first JW because not a soul has yet been saved  - and so on it goes. Heaven would be impossible.

If one turned up on my door, I would probably let them explain to me what their beliefs were and ask them questions, because I don't really know much about it. It seems irrelevant to me, breaking up Christianity into these little sects of differing doctrine when the question of whether this god exists or not is as of yet unresolved.

I get JWs and Mormons confused.  I don't know how similar their beliefs are but Mormons have a ceremony where they can be baptised in the name of their dead relatives; giving their dead relatives a pass into heaven.  It's really weird.

[Ihateyoumike]

I get JWs and Mormons confused.  I don't know how similar their beliefs are but Mormons have a ceremony where they can be baptised in the name of their dead relatives; giving their dead relatives a pass into heaven.  It's really weird.

If I'm not mistaken, mormons can baptize anyone, relative or no, after death. Religulous had a pretty good list of historical figures "baptized" after death during the segment about mormons.
And I believe Hitler was included in that list. Why would they want him??

[SSY]

I'm not familiar with JW theology, but it seems contradictory that one's soul is only saved when it caused the salvation of other souls.

If that were so, logically no one in the world would be saved. Say one JW spread the word to 2 others, and they began to believe. The first person's soul would not be saved, because the two to which he spread the doctrine have not yet had their own souls saved - they themselves have not witnessed to anyone. If they witness to another 2 each, they're in the position of the first JW because not a soul has yet been saved  - and so on it goes. Heaven would be impossible.

If one turned up on my door, I would probably let them explain to me what their beliefs were and ask them questions, because I don't really know much about it. It seems irrelevant to me, breaking up Christianity into these little sects of differing doctrine when the question of whether this god exists or not is as of yet unresolved.

That is a fantastic piece of pure logic right there, I like the cut of your gib son. I suppose the JW would say the first JW became saved when he put the others on the path to salvation, as with them being saved as they put other on the path, since god knows they will convert people and the people they convert will also, he can probably send people to heaven in advance, like lay-away.

On a semi related note, there were people giving out copies of the gospel of mark outside the physics department today, I admire their optimism. On the other hand, I really hate the way, becuase they are an offical society of the student union, they can get away with preaching on university grounds. I have told other religous god squads to leave before, but these ones unfortunatley have permission. I wonder why universities make themselves a target for conversion teams?

[VanReal]

I'm not familiar with JW theology, but it seems contradictory that one's soul is only saved when it caused the salvation of other souls.

If that were so, logically no one in the world would be saved. Say one JW spread the word to 2 others, and they began to believe. The first person's soul would not be saved, because the two to which he spread the doctrine have not yet had their own souls saved - they themselves have not witnessed to anyone. If they witness to another 2 each, they're in the position of the first JW because not a soul has yet been saved  - and so on it goes. Heaven would be impossible.

If one turned up on my door, I would probably let them explain to me what their beliefs were and ask them questions, because I don't really know much about it. It seems irrelevant to me, breaking up Christianity into these little sects of differing doctrine when the question of whether this god exists or not is as of yet unresolved.

Actually JWs believe that those selected for heaven have already been chosen, so they are not attempting to attain entrance to heaven at all.  Their idea is that upon Jehovah's return the earth will be rebuilt like intended during the Garden of Eden and those that have accepted the teachings will be allowed to remain, those that have not will cease to exist, there is no "hell" really other than that non-existence.  This is why they generally don't appreciate certain material belongings and do not participate in holidays such as Christmas, because they don't agree with the showering of gifts as a part of a religious event.  Actually they are pretty interesting, although their belief is strict, like if a baby is born today and Jehovah returns before that baby has been delivered as a witness they would not be allowed to remain, yikes, talk about some strict timing requirements!!