Religion and School Stress-Out

[LARA]

I have to enroll my daughter in school today and I'm so stressed out.  Her (public) school really pushes it where religion is concerned.  Assemblies I have attended opened and closed with student led prayers and her K graduation was held in a church for occupancy issues which, granted, was a nicer building than the one usually used, but it was very, very uncomfortable for me to be asked to stand and bow my head down in a church for a religion I don't follow when I just came to see my daughter graduate from a public school.  I really worry about her being discriminated against by the very religious people at the school.  She is very bright and loud and outgoing and does not keep her mouth shut.  I don't want my kid to believe a lie just to fit in and avoid underhanded discrimination by someone who is on a religious kick.  Her first teacher there was really cool, encouraging and accepting, and she likes her school and her friends so there haven't been any problems for her so far, just problems for me at the assemblies.

[Pricia]

I'm scared about it too... Mine won't go to school for several years but it definitely worries me... I'm curious to hear about how other parents have dealt with it. It's nice to see that it doesn't seem to affect her, though.

[curiosityandthecat]

I'm sure your daughter is bright enough to understand the things you tell her. Just keep a level head and keep her on the right path!

Congrats, btw!

[Loffler]

There are 10,000 different ways to handle this, but the one scenario you should probably be most prepared for is the one where another kids tells her she's going to hell.

You can preempt this by warning her that some people believe stories that aren't true, and that if she tells these people you don't believe them, they'll tell you you're going to hell. If she hears it from you before she hears it from other kids, it won't scare her as much. She'll be prepared.

Another way to make her feel better about hell is to let her know of all the other weird places people believe in: Heaven, Hades, Acheron, Gehenna, Asgard, the Abyss, Valhalla, the Elysian Fields, et cetera. Tell her these are make believe stories like the books you read to her, but some people think they're true. Tell her don't be mean to these people, they're nice people just like you and her.

[shedaytrips]

I have somewhat the same problem being a military wife. Everytime I go to a function I'm expected to bow my head and pray. Usually I just bow my head and watch everyone else. I could imagine how much more uncomfortable I would feel if I was forced to do this in a church.

[afreethinker30]

I worried about this with my sons ,but have been very lucky that the school they go to are so worried about getting sued that God is mentioned no where.As for other kids and nitpicking they always find something to pick on each other about hair,clothes so on.So the best we can do as parents is to stay in touch with our kids on the subject.And make sure they know the reasons why kids bully.If it where to come to it I would homeschool both boys.If bullying does start a good idea might be to find some famous people that were bullied when they were young.And show your children that they are not alone.

[rlrose328]

I have to enroll my daughter in school today and I'm so stressed out.  Her (public) school really pushes it where religion is concerned.  

I don't blame you for being worried and concerned.  My son goes to a public charter school that rents classrooms at a church, so I'm around it all the time.  The monthly citizenship awards are done in the sanctuary, the winter and spring concerts are held in there (though they may need to find somewhere else for next year due to space issues or split the concerts over multiple nights), even meetings are held in there if the social hall is booked.  I hate it.  

They don't start any of the meetings or other things with prayers though and if they did, they'd hear about it from me and a few other families.  We have a Jewish family in the small school, so they speak out as well.  I mean, really... why do the Christians get to say their religion trumps everyone else in the public school?

Don't let them get away with it... put on your big girl panties and go in there and give them what for!  If this is a public school, they cannot do publically led prayers or any of the other religious stuff you mentioned.  Don't let them get away with it.  And if they don't listen to reason, go over their heads to the district.  If you don't get anyone to listen there, contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation or the ACLU.  You have the right to have your child attend school without persecution from religion.

Hang in there!

[afreethinker30]

Don't let them get away with it... put on your big girl panties and go in there and give them what for!  If this is a public school, they cannot do publically led prayers or any of the other religious stuff you mentioned.  Don't let them get away with it.  And if they don't listen to reason, go over their heads to the district.  If you don't get anyone to listen there, contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation or the ACLU.  You have the right to have your child attend school without persecution from religion.

Hang in there!

True your tax money goes to help keep that school open.You give just as much as anyone else and your child has a right to be in school without prayer or any religious traditions.rlrose328 is right on.  

[Asmodean]

Are not the public schools supposed to be like... Religiously neutral?  

[curiosityandthecat]

I

Don't let them get away with it... put on your big girl panties and go in there and give them what for!  If this is a public school, they cannot do publically led prayers or any of the other religious stuff you mentioned.  Don't let them get away with it.  And if they don't listen to reason, go over their heads to the district.  If you don't get anyone to listen there, contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation or the ACLU.  You have the right to have your child attend school without persecution from religion.

The problem is inadvertently turning your child into a pariah. Kids are bullied into oblivion for smaller things than being a heretic, after all. I've seen it happen when I was teaching 7th grade in a rural Ohio town. Anything after age 5 and there's a chance for children to ostracize other kids.

[jrosebud]

Dude, I feel you.  We had a few issues this past year (one of Jessie's Girl Scout troup leaders was quite rude to her when she left out the word "God" when reciting her Girl Scout Promise and told her she couldn't join; she recanted later, but it still left us speechless and hurt), but nothing overwhelming.  Hopefully we'll continue the trend this year.  Even though we live in Austin (widely known to be more diverse and accepting of differences), it's still Texas.

[rlrose328]

I

Don't let them get away with it... put on your big girl panties and go in there and give them what for!  If this is a public school, they cannot do publically led prayers or any of the other religious stuff you mentioned.  Don't let them get away with it.  And if they don't listen to reason, go over their heads to the district.  If you don't get anyone to listen there, contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation or the ACLU.  You have the right to have your child attend school without persecution from religion.

The problem is inadvertently turning your child into a pariah. Kids are bullied into oblivion for smaller things than being a heretic, after all. I've seen it happen when I was teaching 7th grade in a rural Ohio town. Anything after age 5 and there's a chance for children to ostracize other kids.

We've discussed that, too.  We're in Oregon and the majority of the families know we're atheist.  Last year, for the first time in 3 years, one of my son's friends tried to evangelize him and he stood his ground.  Made me proud.  He sometimes fears he'll be ostracized but it hasn't happened yet.

Shouldn't our kids see us stand up for our beliefs?  If we don't take a stand, they won't see it and will end up seeing things as we've been trained to see them... it is our place in this world to be second class citizens who will never be accepted.  I want my son to see that we can be strong and speak up for ourselves.  If he faces bullying, we'll deal with it.  I'd rather he fight for our right to not believe.

[LARA]

Thanks guys.  Your comments are so much appreciated.  I'm trying to figure out what the best course of action is right now for me personally.  Since my daughter hasn't complained about anything so far, I don't want to drag her into anything I don't have to, and just stick with how this affects me.  Contacting the ACLU or a similar organization for advice seems like a smart course to take.  I need to see where I stand legally on this and what the repercussions could be.

[Jane]

I remember my old (public) school was really religious...more so in Jr High than elementary. Really active Young Life, and sex-ed included a pastor who came it to tell us that condoms do NOT prevent aids, as, if an AIDS particle was the size of a tennis ball, the holes in condoms (because the material has built in holes) are the size of hula hoops. Also, the reason you shouldn't have sex before marriage is because everyone is set aside for someone in marriage by god. So having sex with someone before marriage is adultery, because you are having sex with someone else's future wife. So if you don't want someone else spoiling YOUR future wife, show them the same respect by not deflowering THEIRS...(because even when you're 12, ladies, you are the property of someone you may not even have met yet, so behave yourselves and stop embarrassing them!)...we each had to sign chastity pledges on our way out of the auditorium.

[afreethinker30]

Are not the public schools supposed to be like... Religiously neutral?  

Supposed to be but there are so many Chrisitans in the US that alot of schools get away with it.The further south you go the worse it gets.