Dealing with Death

[anon537]

Hello.  I have been an atheist my entire life.  But only recently I have begun considering my own death.  At first it was just a thought, but now everywhere I go I think about it.  During tests, with friends, and especially at night, the thought occurs and a terrible feeling arises in me.  I get this deep and scared reaction in my chest, and I feel as though I will vomit.  Its not so much the process of dying, but the concept that at some point, and rather soon in the grand scheme of things, I will cease to exist.  I will not be here to see the world progress.  Everything that I have ever accomplished will be wiped away.  But worst of all, I will never come back.  For the rest of time, I will not come back.  I have 60 some years to live, and that's it.  Forever.  I am in my teens, and have my whole life ahead of me.  But I don't want to have this sickening thought constantly arise for the rest of it.  I don't want any comparisons to other religions, or vague philosophy.  And please don't tell me to quit thinking about it and just get on with my life.  I've heard that so many times, and I can't just drop the issue.  I need to overcome it somehow. What I am asking for is some practical advice to overcome my fear of oblivion.  I just can't imagine that I am the only one in the world who feels this way.

Thank you.

[Will]

The problem is that you're comparing reality to the fictitious world of religion (which makes me wonder if you're serious about being an atheist all your life). If you're religious, you're comforted with impossible promises that ruin your perspective. Things like eternal life or reincarnation prevent people from growing into a healthy understanding and relationship with being mortal. You need that healthy relationship.

Why am I not afraid of death? I work hard every day to be a good and productive person. I do my best. What more can one do? On my death bed, as I take my last breath, I'll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I lived a good life. And that's all we can do.

Anon: go live a good life. Seek to be productive and happy. Seek that which gives your life meaning. Explore what it means to be alive.

Everything that I have ever accomplished will be wiped away.

This isn't true at all. Anyone can leave a great mark on the world. Anyone.

[pjkeeley]

Even if there isn't a jot of philosophy that will reassure you that death shouldn't be feared (give it a chance though, there is plenty), there might even be scientific reassurances. Thanks to science we may very soon we may be able to choose how long we live for, centuries perhaps. Certainly in your life time I think it will be possible.

Now go out and live o ye immortal teenager!

BTW, obligatory Epicurus quote:

Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not.

[SteveS]

Epicurus was great.  I love his four questions about god, too (the old "is god willing but unable to prevent evil?  Then he is not omnipotent.", etc.).  Good stuff!

[RatherBePerfin]

Don't worry about it too much. When I was young and forced to be involved in religion, death scared the crap out of me. I think coming around to my atheist point of view really changed that for me. As an atheist, and without the fear of an afterlife burning in hell, I find it much easier to live life to the fullest. No concern about pissing off some ficticious man up in the clouds and suffering for an eternity. Just have fun and live, you've got one shot, so don't spend your time worrying about it. Live life worrying and when your time comes all you will have is regrets.

[Kylyssa]

Consider the time before you were born, all of history stretching out to the beginning of life.  You didn't exist.  You felt nothing, no pain, no fear, no sensation of darkness.  After you are gone, the same will apply.

Have you ever had surgery under general anesthesia?  You fall into a detached state, sort of warm and fuzzy.  Then - nothing.  

I think a lot of people form a connection between darkness and death.  Underneath it all, we're all a little afraid of the dark.  There is no darkness in death, it's just nothing.

As to everything you accomplished being washed away.  Nope.  Ever heard of the Butterfly Effect?  

Just last night I was watching a cheesy documentary on VH1 about the sexual revolution.  I was watching the video of protesters with signs saying "Make Love, Not War" and the video of people being dragged off to jail for distributing birth control.  Image after image, I found myself choked up and proud.  Now I didn't see every face of every protester or every person who changed the world but I see the changes and I know they are responsible.  

Every generation lives through a polarization.  The way things come out depends upon which side individuals support.  Each voice adds to the shout.  More than that, individuals can spread ideas and change the world.  Even "little" things like choosing to be kind can spread an attitude of kindness that can become lasting.  

When I think of love, my mind flies to a small, furry animal, indistinct in shape.  In my mind it is the first mammal and it felt something akin to love.  Now that creature "loved" her offspring who loved their offspring and so on down the line for millions of years, the love growing more developed and strong through the millennia.  When mankind developed speech, love grew as a psychological development, gaining momentum, reproducing through memes.  Along the way to us, every living, loving beast was absolutely necessary.  Along the way, even those humans or other creatures that didn't genetically reproduce but nurtured love - they left an indelible imprint on what love is today.

You leave a footprint, long after you are gone even if your name isn't written down in some book of credits and statues are not erected in your image.  Take care how you step.

[jrosebud]

Hey.  I'm sorry you're going through this unsettled period in your life.  When you focus on death too much, you forget to live.  I know it isn't easy to keep your thoughts elsewhere, but, man, you have to try.  If a relatively short span of time is all we've got, it's a shame to waste your teenage years dwelling on death.

I know how you feel (somewhat).  I haven't always been an Atheist; when the rug of Christianity was pulled out from under me, death and suicide was all I could think about.  Why live when it'll all be gone some day, right?

Well, like Kylissa said, everything that you do and you are does and will alter the world; it is forever changed because of your existence.  Your story is written in those changes.

And there comes a point when *you have to make up your mind to live,* to enjoy what you've got.  It is amazing that you, out of seemingly infinite possibilities of potential human beings, have the opportunity to live.  It bears repeating:  You get to live!

Think about all those things you enjoy in existence; focus on them.  Distract yourself when you begin entertaining grim thoughts and remind yourself that you're pretty damn lucky to have 80, 50, or even 17 years as a conscious, imaginative human being.  Your happiness has little to do with the actual events of your life; it's all in the how you choose to think about what happens to you that matters.

I know that it sucks to have people tell you to get over your fears or to just not think about them.  It's not easy an easy task.  I've found that the only thing that really helped me was to delve into those things I loved and to give it time.  I made it through and can now say that I'm a relatively happy Atheist who doesn't fear death.  You can do the same.

Best of luck to you!