Tell me a joke about religion/atheism whatever)

[moosegoose]

to get it started:

Jesus and pedestrians were on the top Mount of Olives when suddenly a bear attacked.
Disciples got panicked and started to run around.
And then Jesus said, "Don't be afraid-It is fullfilled"

(it's a Friday level joke)

[tacoma_kyle]

Haha.

This one pertains to off-roaders and the sierra club. Not anti god or anythin just amusing.

Before long the sierra club will kick adam and eve out of the garden of eden.

[Smarmy Of One]

After the resurrection, Jesus and John the apostle are walking along the beach chatting about god and shit.

John notices a piece of driftwood floating on the surf.

John: Man, that is a nice piece of driftwood. It would look great on my mantle. Hey, Jesus, I don't suppose you could walk out there and get it for me?

Jesus: Sure, John.

Jesus starts to walk out onto the water to get the piece of driftwood. He gets half way out and - SPLOOSH! Jesus falls under the water.

Moments later he has battled his way back to shore through the surf and is soaked through.

John: Jesus! Why couldn't you walk on the water? You used to be so good at that.

Jesus: Yeah, but that was before I had these holes in my feet.

 

[Sophie]

Hey, I just ran across this website when I was searching for a good avatar.  Enjoy!

http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Humor_index.htm

[Bella]

This isn't a short joke, but I thought this was funny:

http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/gues ... on101.html

[Smarmy Of One]

"3. You are a product tester and frequently bring your work home. Yesterday, while dressed in a flame resistant suit (up to 3,000 degrees) and carrying the latest model fire extinguisher, you discover your neighbor's house is on fire. As the flames quickly spread, you stand and watch your neighbor's new baby burn to death. Which of the following best describes your behavior?

A. All-powerful
B. All-knowing
C. All-loving
D. Mysterious"

I really got a kick outta that one!  

[Chris Johnston]

Jesus is on the cross. A few of his apostles are at the base of the hill. Jesus murmers, "John...John..."

John leaps to his feet, "My Lord needs me! I'm coming, Lord!" But he cannot pass the Centurion who threatens to kill him. John sidesteps, and the Roman hacks off his left leg.

Lying there in brain-burning pain, John hears again, "John...John..." With that he begins crawling up the hill, whereupon the Roman takes off his right arm. Near death, he hears that plaintive call, "John...John..." With a herculean effort, John hauls himself to the base of the cross, and says, "Here am I, Lord. What is it?"

Jesus raises his head and says, brightly, "I can see your house from here!"

[rlrose328]

Subject: FOUR RELIGIOUS TRUTHS

During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:

 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people

 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah

 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

[Sophie]

Kerri, that's hilarious!  

[Smarmy Of One]

A christian is rock climbing alone and as he gets to the top of a vertical cliff face he loses his footing and is left hanging by his hands. Unable to regain his foothold, he cries out to God.

Christian: Oh, Lord, hear my prayer and save your righteous servant!

There is a thunder clap and a voice booms down from the heavens.

God: Christian, if you truely believe, you will let go with your thumbs.

Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.

God: Do you believe?

Christian: Yes, my lord.

The Christian lets go.

The voice again booms down from heaven.

God: Christian, if you believe, you will let go with  your left hand.

Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.

God: Do you believe?

Christian: Yes, my lord.

The christian lets go with his left hand and is now breathing hard as he struggles to maintain his grip.

Christian: I have done what you asked of me, Lord. Will you save me now?

God: Christian, if you want to be saved, you must let go with all your fingers except you index finger.

Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.

God: Do you believe?

Christian: Yes, my lord.

So the christian does as he is commanded. His whole body shakes as sweat pours down his face. He lets out a guttural scream as his finger slips and he plummets to a bone crushing death on the jagged rocks below.

Once again the voice booms down from heaven.

God: Stupid christians, they'll believe anything.

[yellowcab643]

E stands for Emergency

What is a good name for Emergency Room at the hospital?  An E gyp, because everyone knows that the billing from the ER is a rip off.  Besides, "your physician is Jesus " - quote of the Holy Bible.